hey guys.. i'm officially heartbroken.. just 3 days ago. it was a stressful and hurtful relationship anyway.
it was a long distance relationship. we never met (which is good anyway), only saw each other through webcam... which was one of the the reasons why things never went right.
it was almost perfect at first.. almost like a dream. we were so happy and so in love back then. and everything changed when he went back to his hometown, went to university, met new friends and new girls, worked in a new place, lived with his family...
i've risked everything and did everything coz i loved him so much.. and i thought it was worth the effort for the relationship.
but the more i did everything to communicate with him and make things easier for him (coz he's busy with everything), the more he stopped doing the things he once did for me and for the relationship.
decided so many times to end it all but kept holding on everytime he says he doesnt want to let me go coz he loves me and we've shared so many things together.
stupid me, i kept holding on... forgiving him of things he couldnt do or forget to do. if there was someone who felt the most neglected.. that was me. but hey, i loved him so much that my love overshadowed my judgment and decisions.
in the end.. he was the one who told me, " i don't think we will ever see each other / or be together ...our love is impossible... so maybe it's better if we stay as friends" and "i love you but not so strong as before / a lil different from before". was i hurt? damn i was! i wanted it to be the end of the world for me.
he made the decision once and stuck with it. funny how i gave him the chances before and he never even thought about it when he just suddenly told me that. i should have been firm when i thought it was time for me to let go.. but love made me weak. so now i am the one hurting.
he wants us to be friends? i didnt open my self for love and risked everything just coz i want to be friends with him! i have enough friends already. i dont need one.. especially not him who broke my love and trust.
how could he tell me to be friends with him when he definitely knows how i feel for him.. just how much i love him? i couldn't do that when i will just hurt myself even more.
damn! what a great first experience it was! haha! i wanna scream my head off everytime i remember all the things that he said.
i feel so stupid for having been so weak and letting him take control of my emotions and judgment.
damn indeed!