it wasn't technical cheating, but should i be leaving?

[Gigabitch]

then came the anonymous discovery (someone had forwarded the email from my girl's address, to mine. her job had previously addressed her excessive emailing to me. they even had printed out the emails she was sending, even though it was from a yahoo address. part of me thinks that someone there did it, in hopes of putting an end to the excessive emailing).

This part stinks. There's plenty going on here, and it isn't somebody from her office trying to put an end to excessive emailing. Aside from this preposterous conclusion you've drawn, you seem like a reasonable person with a good head on his shoulders, but this is ridiculous. Forwarding emails like these is distinctly personal.

I think there are answers to be found, here. Is there any way at all you can find out where this anonymous tip came from?

[veinteuno]

not to my knowlege. unless you can somehow call yahoo and get the ip address where someone logged in to check their email? and even then, it is so long ago, that might not make a difference.

i know you think it's far fetched to think that someone from the office did it but, we're not talkin fortune 500 company. there's about 15 people that work there. in my personal experiences, there's a lot more underhanded and unethical things that can and do happen in really small businesses. i mean, when they called her on her emailing me, they had printed all the emails that she had sent to me, and literally put the stack there in front of her like "um, let's talk about how you're spending your time on the job". and there was some really personal things that were in those emails. she was pretty embarassed.

[Gigabitch]

Well, that's really different from taking the step of forwarding them to you. That's an attack on your relationship, not a workplace issue.

This is such a tough one to call, in my opinion. I think she sounds truly remorseful and committed, but if it were me in your shoes, I'd have a hell of a time trusting her because I've been burned in the past.

[1averagejoe]

This sounds just like my ex, except instead of e-mails it was texts. When I saw them she initially was pissed I read it, then she started apologizing saying it was nothing and just being friendly, blah blah blah, "insert bullshit"...

It happened a few times. I just kept believing her, I feel stupid for believing her so many times. But I will tell you one thing it was ridiculously hard trusting her. If you have even the littlest feeling that you're going to have trouble trusting her it's just going to get harder. It will eat away at you and will drive you crazy.


Turned out she was cheating.

[IndiReloaded]

This sounds just like my ex, except instead of e-mails it was texts. When I saw them she initially was pissed I read it, then she started apologizing saying it was nothing and just being friendly, blah blah blah, "insert bullshit"...

It happened a few times. I just kept believing her, I feel stupid for believing her so many times. But I will tell you one thing it was ridiculously hard trusting her. If you have even the littlest feeling that you're going to have trouble trusting her it's just going to get harder. It will eat away at you and will drive you crazy.


Turned out she was cheating.

There you have it^. If it walks like a duck & talks like a duck...

[bohemiandonut]

There you have it^. If it walks like a duck & talks like a duck...

...it fuccks like a duck?

[IndiReloaded]

...it fuccks like a duck?

Yup, its rubbing cloacas all the way down the line...

[veinteuno]

This sounds just like my ex, except instead of e-mails it was texts. When I saw them she initially was pissed I read it, then she started apologizing saying it was nothing and just being friendly, blah blah blah, "insert bullshit"...

It happened a few times. I just kept believing her, I feel stupid for believing her so many times. But I will tell you one thing it was ridiculously hard trusting her. If you have even the littlest feeling that you're going to have trouble trusting her it's just going to get harder. It will eat away at you and will drive you crazy.


Turned out she was cheating.

okay, now, i'm in my situation, so maybe this is a defensive mechanism on my part but, for me i'm seeing a key difference in my situation, and this one. from what i'm reading, your gf minimized it, and wrote it off as just being friendly. mine has acknowledged that what she was doing was wrong, and owned up to it. yes, she tried to claim the message dates were inaccurate at first but, she did own up to it, and didn't just write it off as being "friendly".

i appreciate your feedback. but, i'm just not sure how much of an apples to apples comparison this is.

[IndiReloaded]

What else is it that you want to know? I infer from your SN you are 21 years of age. Or you like to gamble. So your GF is likely around the same.

You've decided to give her a shot b/c she owned up. Fine. Just remember that owning up to something doesn't make it okay. In fact, there are ppl out there (like me) that believe that the smartest ppl are the ones that avoid these kinds of messes in the first place.

But you are both young. It is unlikely you will marry each other (just the stats) so learn & enjoy what you can from each other. Good luck.

[squirrley]

I was in a similar situation. I started dating my husband while my previous relationship had turned to friendship he put the nix on me talking to him. Maybe insecurity at the time. But it could be harmless flirting, but you do cross the line when you discuss furthering the relationship. Emails or not, those are HER and HIS thoughts. If they havent been chatting, I'd let it go. You have to trust her. I dont blame you for making her show you those dates, but the flags went up. You said you've been together awhile a lot longer and the relationship has grown, that's a good sign. But I'd be watchful of her actions with this guy. Another thing, I HATED that my husband made me choose, but because I love him, I did it. I have no regrets. Although I do miss talking to him, my future with my husband wasn't worth the idle chat to lose him.

Just be leary, watchful and hopefully theyre not chatting anymore.

[1averagejoe]

okay, now, i'm in my situation, so maybe this is a defensive mechanism on my part but, for me i'm seeing a key difference in my situation, and this one. from what i'm reading, your gf minimized it, and wrote it off as just being friendly. mine has acknowledged that what she was doing was wrong, and owned up to it. yes, she tried to claim the message dates were inaccurate at first but, she did own up to it, and didn't just write it off as being "friendly".

i appreciate your feedback. but, i'm just not sure how much of an apples to apples comparison this is.

Oh no she owned up to it eventually...she apologized and told me she was stupid for saying that stuff. That was the "insert bullshit" in my message.

It doesn't really matter if she cheated on you or not. The question is, will you be able to trust her? You have a few options in your situation right now.

1. You can stay with her and know you can trust her.
2. You can stay with her but you will have trouble trusting and end up having problems later on and probably breaking up.
3. You can leave her because you know you won't be able to trust her.

It's all up to you right now, we can't tell you what to do.

[veinteuno]

What else is it that you want to know? I infer from your SN you are 21 years of age. Or you like to gamble. So your GF is likely around the same.

You've decided to give her a shot b/c she owned up. Fine. Just remember that owning up to something doesn't make it okay. In fact, there are ppl out there (like me) that believe that the smartest ppl are the ones that avoid these kinds of messes in the first place.

But you are both young. It is unlikely you will marry each other (just the stats) so learn & enjoy what you can from each other. Good luck.

actually, 21 is just my number. sports. born day. etc. i'm 30. my gf is 36. we do discuss the future. she wants me around. i try to really take it slow with the things i do with her. trying not to smother her, and spend all my time with her. trying to maintain both a "my life" and "our life". but, she tells me she wants me in her life as much as i'm comfortable with being in her life.

as far as what else is it i want to know? nothing really. i'm old enough, and wise enough to make good, intelligent decisions. but, sometimes, it doesn't hurt to talk it out to reinforce what you're thinking you want to do, ya know?

[veinteuno]

I was in a similar situation. I started dating my husband while my previous relationship had turned to friendship he put the nix on me talking to him. Maybe insecurity at the time. But it could be harmless flirting, but you do cross the line when you discuss furthering the relationship. Emails or not, those are HER and HIS thoughts. If they havent been chatting, I'd let it go. You have to trust her. I dont blame you for making her show you those dates, but the flags went up. You said you've been together awhile a lot longer and the relationship has grown, that's a good sign. But I'd be watchful of her actions with this guy. Another thing, I HATED that my husband made me choose, but because I love him, I did it. I have no regrets. Although I do miss talking to him, my future with my husband wasn't worth the idle chat to lose him.

Just be leary, watchful and hopefully theyre not chatting anymore.

well, she has said something to the same effect: that it's not worth jeopardizing our relationship and future, to continue to interact/be friends with this guy. in all of my insecure moments, when i've checked the cell phone/landline caller id, i don't see his number in the dialed, missed or received calls. and that makes me less likely to continue doing it.

i'll be as perceptive as possible on this though. trust me on that one. thanks for your response though.

[veinteuno]

Oh no she owned up to it eventually...she apologized and told me she was stupid for saying that stuff. That was the "insert bullshit" in my message.

It doesn't really matter if she cheated on you or not. The question is, will you be able to trust her? You have a few options in your situation right now.

1. You can stay with her and know you can trust her.
2. You can stay with her but you will have trouble trusting and end up having problems later on and probably breaking up.
3. You can leave her because you know you won't be able to trust her.

It's all up to you right now, we can't tell you what to do.

you're right. you all can't tell me what to do. but, i appreciate all of your feedback/insight just the same.

[IndiReloaded]

Well, I like said you've decided to give her a chance. That means you'll need to trust her. Personally, I wouldn't want to be in a relationship where I felt like I needed to be vigilant all the time, but chacun son gout. Good luck.