Cheated...

[Cain]

You have to remember that not everyone has the same willpower. So, while I don't like cheaters, I've been around enough of them to know my limits with them. I don't have to respect them, but I'm not going out of my way to press how much I despise them.

And I'm sure Cain knows I wasn't being harsh at all. Just for a few posts it was revolving around the same shit and nothing was happening except back and forth bickering.

I understand not everyone has the same willpower. And I'm sure my posts in regards to cheating have been extremely harsh. But two of the cheaters I've talked to did more than just cheat. They are repeat cheaters and have no problems hurting someone. The other uses cheating as a way to get revenge or to knock sense into a partner. It's stupid.

[1averagejoe]

I agree with Cain about cheating like a drug. For example, I know a guy that started smoking when he was in the Vietnam War. Got married and quit smoking. Last year he just started up smoking again after all those years. It's one of those things that, once you do it...you're more prone to start it up again and it could be years later that it happens.

As for me personally being tempted to cheat, I'd never do such a thing to someone. I know what it feels like to be on the receiving end. It's cruel. If I wasn't happy with the person I'd dump them.

And as for wanting to stick it to some hot girl. Of course we all do. That's completely natural to think this way. But I would never act out on those desires in a relationship. In fact I see nothing wrong with openly discussing in a relationship who you think is hot or would do. It just reassures that you're secure with your feelings and that person. Just because you're dating one person doesn't mean the world suddenly turns ugly. We have natural desires, but the question again is, do you have the ability to control those desires?

The same question could be asked to a murderer, who killed because he was angry. His emotions filled him with anger and because of it he naturally had the urge to seek revenge. We all have this urge when someone upsets us. But we should never act out on it. The same should go for cheating. Sure we have natural urges to **** every hot thing out there...but we should be mature about it and control the urge to because it's the right thing to do. This is what separates man from the primates, our ability to logically reason and act accordingly not based on our feelings but what we know is right.

And I'm sorry, but there is no type of guy that shouldn't have found out that their girlfriend was cheating on them. Every guy is going to be hurt if he had loved them the way I loved my ex. It sucks...quit hurting people.

[vashti]

I've been cheated on, but have never cheated. I will tell you truthfully though, that I have been sorely tempted once during my marriage. If this man made a move, I am not sure I could/would have resisted. Of course, I fall for the sort who isn't likely to make a move. I don't care for players.

Anyway, I thought about that man with passion for years afterward. I believe my husband would have rather I'd have slept with him and forgotten him right away. Infidelity of the heart is much more devastating than infidelity of the flesh.

[Mish]

I believe my husband would have rather I'd have slept with him and forgotten him right away. Infidelity of the heart is much more devastating than infidelity of the flesh.

The heart and the flesh are ussually intertwined with women. Were you to sleep with him it would probably take you twice as long to forget.

I think you were strong to resist. I remember being tempted as well, it's not easy to resist at all.

[lesa]

I was tempted too, and I was not in a serious relationship but I had no desire to cheat. Ewww, I could barely type 'I' involving 'cheat' in the same sentence. He was a very fine and attractive player who made the moves on me hard. First he 'invited himself into my house and proceeded to undress and everything. I was thinking "look buddy you missed your chance of being with me...I am in another 'relationship' and have no desire to cheat." I had no feelings of cheating at all. None. And did I mention he was very attractive?

That example was when I was in an uncommitted "fling" type of relationship but even then I had no desire.

When I was in serious, committed relationship I imagined for a moment being with various of men that I found attractive but as soon as he flirted or gave any indictions that he was interested I just shut down. It's hard to explain. I had absolutely no more interest in my slight fantasy. My guess is that I lost temptation (or fantasy) after knowing that the man was interested. I may acknowledge to myself that another man is attractive but I have no desire to cheat. I wanted no reality with him.

[Babydoll]

It sounds like by not cheating on him you're doing him some kind of a favour. What happens if he doesn't meet all of your demands at some point in time?

LOL he's buggered then isn't he. I am doing him a favour.. he's bloody lucky to have me. lol that's the kind of humour we have between one another. I'm actually lucky to have him.. but I'd never EVER admit it to him.
My demands are that he doesn't always meet my demands. All of my other boyfriends did.. they worshipped the ground I walked on, would do anything for me, were clingy and protective.. and it just pissed me off. It's where the phrase 'treat em mean, keep em keen' comes into play. He doesn't always let me have my own way and doesn't always put me first. And to tell you the truth.. that's what I need to be kept under the thumb, because I will walk all over most guys.
The reason I won't walk all over him is because he hasn't smothered me. He knows I'm a flirt, and through accepting it.. I have stopped flirting. I mean I have honest to god stopped.. and I only realised it the other day lol. It made me giggle.
Also.. I know.. if I cheat.. and he finds out.. I know we'll finish. He'd never have me back. I knew my other boyfriends would have. Even if he would have me back, I wouldn't want to spoil our relationship because, for once, I actually respect and enjoy every moment we're together.
We just.. click though. I can't explain it. He annoys the **** out of me sometimes.. but argh.. it makes me like him even more.
I honestly cannot explain it.. it's like the chemistry is incredible.. we are ridiculously similar.. only differing in the fact that hes more liberal and more relaxed than I am. And we just.. get on really, really well. I've had several long term relationships and this is just.. different.

[SONOIL]

Let me tell toy this... you knew that you gonna cheat even before you came to the guys house... all that drinking and smoking weed was to kill your sense of judgment on purpose, because... face it you wanted to cheat. And YES ALL CHEATERS ARE SCUM! Period.

[Cain]

I know that a few have said that I can't say I won't cheat because of lack of temptation. In my opinion, it's all about willpower. I've had temptation to have sex ever since I was 14. I was a virgin until I was 21. It just takes willpower.

I understand some people are weaker in mind.. that's fine. But not everyone has it in them to cheat.

LOL he's buggered then isn't he. I am doing him a favour.. he's bloody lucky to have me. lol that's the kind of humour we have between one another. I'm actually lucky to have him.. but I'd never EVER admit it to him.
My demands are that he doesn't always meet my demands. All of my other boyfriends did.. they worshipped the ground I walked on, would do anything for me, were clingy and protective.. and it just pissed me off. It's where the phrase 'treat em mean, keep em keen' comes into play. He doesn't always let me have my own way and doesn't always put me first. And to tell you the truth.. that's what I need to be kept under the thumb, because I will walk all over most guys.
The reason I won't walk all over him is because he hasn't smothered me. He knows I'm a flirt, and through accepting it.. I have stopped flirting. I mean I have honest to god stopped.. and I only realised it the other day lol. It made me giggle.
Also.. I know.. if I cheat.. and he finds out.. I know we'll finish. He'd never have me back. I knew my other boyfriends would have. Even if he would have me back, I wouldn't want to spoil our relationship because, for once, I actually respect and enjoy every moment we're together.
We just.. click though. I can't explain it. He annoys the **** out of me sometimes.. but argh.. it makes me like him even more.
I honestly cannot explain it.. it's like the chemistry is incredible.. we are ridiculously similar.. only differing in the fact that hes more liberal and more relaxed than I am. And we just.. get on really, really well. I've had several long term relationships and this is just.. different.

Your past boyfriends were obviously sissies... any guy that would take back a cheater is a wuss that's afraid to be single.

[Babydoll]

Your past boyfriends were obviously sissies... any guy that would take back a cheater is a wuss that's afraid to be single.

It's not that. I just have that effect on men LOL.

[Cain]

It's not that. I just have that effect on men LOL.

Don't have such a big ego. You attract pussies. No self-respecting man will go crawling back to a woman that cheats on him unless he's a wuss.

[IndiReloaded]

Cain, you really don't get it.

Maybe you aren't susceptible to cheating or drugs. Goody for you. That is likely b/c those things don't resonate with you for whatever reason.

Some ppl keep their weakness in non-standard locations, I said this before.

But you are worse than a fool to think you don't have any. The statement that says someone has been through the fire of self-discipline isn't "meh, I'd never, ever do that", its: "wow, I've been there & it was the hardest thing I've ever done, but I still decided not to".

Knowing something is not at all the same as experiencing it.

[Cain]

Whatever. I think it takes a cold hearted person to cheat. My opinion on that will never change.

[IndiReloaded]

Okay, so we've had the bashing, now for some solutions.

For the record, cheating requires TWO things: desire & opportunity.

Sometimes, there is desire. Like what Vash said. Most ppl seem to agree that you can't always control that, at least in the short term (tho there may be things one can do long-term to reduce that desire). In other words: thoughts don't count, only acts of will.

The second part, opportunity, is what usually gets ppl. So, if you think cheating is a possibility, & it is something you are morally opposed to, then be intelligent & make sure you don't put yourself in situations of opportunity. That means, no drinking or drugs around someone you might be tempted with, esp if there's a chance you will be alone together. And avoid that 'alone together' time also. Recognize & be honest with yourself about the reasons you might want to spend time with this other person & walk away from whatever it is that they are feeding you.

If you can do this, the time you buy will usually give you a chance to get a 'mental handle' on the desire part I mentioned. And will do wonders for your self-respect.

Its not easy, but it can be done. Good luck.

[IndiReloaded]

Whatever. I think it takes a cold hearted person to cheat. My opinion on that will never change.

Whatever right back at you. I'm not talking about them, I'm talking about YOUR attitude. Only supremely stupid ppl take absolute positions like you are doing.

Are you some kind of religious nut bar, or what?

[Cain]

Whatever right back at you. I'm not talking about them, I'm talking about YOUR attitude. Only supremely stupid ppl take absolute positions like you are doing.

Are you some kind of religious nut bar, or what?

I surrender.

I will refrain from putting myself in any positions of temptation because I might cheat.

Stirfry, I surrender.

Babydoll, I surreder.

Twisted, I surrender.

Indi, I surrender.

Vash, I surrender.