Help!!!!! I Need Advice

[locogetz]

Overly Jealous, possesive, insecure, paranoid. These are a few words to describe me. There's a girl that I like a lot (never felt like this before for a girl). I've never told her that I like her, but it's only obvious given my actions and demeanor. We've argued a lot recently over stupid little things, I've been moody around her, and the biggest turn off yet, overly-jealous. She seems to have given me another chance and we went to a club yesterday. Attempting to change my image, I wanted to play it cool this time, but it doesn't seem to have worked out and now I'm so worried. We also went out with my friend's (the girl I like) best friend who also happens to be my friend. My friend's, friend (Not the girl I like) ended up dancing all night with some guy. When the club closed, we all ended going to eat along other co-workers/friends. It be became apparent that this guy was displaying a "too friendly" demeanor. We stopped at a 7-Eleven and the guy bought the girl that I like some nachos, and the girl that I like did not refuse them. Ok no biggie a friendly gesture, right? Then we headed to Denny’s. The whole time I was there I smiled and even talked to the guy (who is picking up on my friend’s, friend and it seems like on the girl I like too, even though I was dying inside and wanted to tell the guy to screw off). The guy sat next to the girl that I like best friend in a very seductive pose. He had his arm on her chair and was very close. He kept on asking both my friend (the girl I like) and her friend personal questions as to where they lived, about themselves, etc. Turns out that the guy lives only a few miles away from the girls, both the girl that I like and her friend . He kept on asking them in a “jokingly” manner “so are you guys going to take me home?” My friends (both the one that I like and her friend) responded well where’s your car? He smirks and says outside. Point being he repeated this all night long and the girl that I like (my friend) and her friend kept on telling him “I don’t know, asking him (pointing at me) he’s the one who’s driving. Mr. Rico Suave tried playing it off but it became obvious that he didn’t like the fact that I was driving the girls back home. Then he lent my friend (the girl that I like) his sweatshirt. Outside he talked to the my friend’s, friend (not the girl that I like/the one who was dancing with him all night). He again asks her the same questions, that if they are going take him home and they responded the same thing. Mr. Rico Suave seems to have lost cool quite a bit when he tells my friends, friend (not the girl that I like) “I don’t want to go with him, just you guys!!”. When he said that, the girl that I like was half way to the car while the other one (her best friend/my friend) still spoke with him. When we, both the girl that I like (my friend) and I go into the car, my friend (the girl that I like) said “Damn, he’s trying to get some tonight!!” I responded by saying “Yeah he’s trying a little too hard”. My friend (the one that I like) responded by saying “Let her, she’s a rookie”. Mr. Rico Suave then gives my friend’s friend (not the girl that I like) a “meaningful” hug and a kiss on her cheek. My friend’s, friend (the other girl returns to the car) and out of nowhere Mr. Rico Suave pops up before we leave. He asks the my friend’s friend (not the girl that I like) if she can do him a favor. That if she could possibly retrieve something he lost (cause he is a co-worker) at work for him, then he says “Do you want my number, here here‘s my number“ and gave it to my friends friend (not the girl that I like). My friend’s friend (not the girl that I like) Does not hesitate and puts his number on the phone. Now to the good part, he asks my friend (the girl that I do like) about the sweatshirt and then tells her “Just give back to me at another time”. That right there represents a red flag because it is the oldest trick in the book. Just like when a female leaves clothes behind at some guys house after staying over, she does that because she anticipates coming back. So he leaves, my friend (the girl that I like) ends up staying with the sweatshirt. Then along the way back home, they start talking about the guy. About how he’s a really nice guy, did you see his big muscles, I like big muscles, what kind of shoe size does he wear, where were you all this time, you know. Why didn’t we follow him, he probably has a nice house, etc.,,,. Mind you, they were drunk and they may have been joking, may not who knows. I was pretty drunk myself and usually my friend (the one that I like) lets me stay over at her place when I’m drunk. She asked me (the girl that I like [my friend]) how are you gonna’ get back home? And you can’t stay at my place this time because I have things to do in the morning and so does she (her friend who ended up staying over at my friend’s (the girl that I like) house). We get back to her house and my friend (the girl that I like) says sorry you can’t stay today have and have to go back home today. There are many questions left unanswered at this point. Was all this a mind game so that she can see that I’ve changed my ways. Did she do it just to test the waters again to see how I will react and see if I’m not that overly-jealous insecure guy anymore? To see If I’ll be upset and badmouth Mr. Rico Suave, like I have guys that have even talk to her in the past? To see If I’ll be upset because she didn’t let me stay at the place this time?. To see if I’m very needy/desperate and I’ll beg to stay there? Or did she just do that because she wanted to hang out with Mr. Rico Suave today?? (Remember the girl that I like doesn’t have his number but her friend does and she stayed over today). Remember what worries me the most is the sweatshirt and that pretty much guarantees that they’ll see each other again. It’s been about twelve hours since both of us got home and she hasn’t called or texted. Should I be worried. I really like this girl…..in fact I feel love for her. Because I like her for who she is and what she stands for. But this little event seems like a huge setback when changing my pessimistic, insecure, paranoid image, this little event did not help one bit and it seems that when I‘m paranoid and overprotective, thing work out better. I need your opinions please.

[WingsOfDarkness]

First, tell her how you feel.She probably is not a mind reader, and what seems obvious to you, probably isn't to her.Especially if you think other men are putting moves on her, you should be even more motivated to get your feelings out there.If you don't let her know you like her, and another guy does, why on Earth would she not get with the other guy?

I used to have a real problem with jealousy and self confidence myself.You will hear a lot of people tell you that you just need to grow up, be a man, etc. But the fact is, it's not that easy, and they don't know what they are talking about.(Don't know anything about you but...) A lot of factors come into play with self confidence and the level to which you get jealous.Starting with apearance, and finances.It's a lot harder to "man up" when you are not blessed with supermodel looks, or Bill Gates' bank account.

But you also have to realize that there is no easy answer and a girl is not just going to go for you over another guy.You have to give her a reason to want to be with you, especially at so early a stage.If you think you are jealous now, wait until a relationship develops and there IS love.Man, if you are having a hard time now it's gonna be murder then.Men don't just stop flirting with girls when the girl gets into a relationship.That's not to say you have to get all macho and tough, you just need to have confidence.You have to know inside, that you have something the other guy doesn't have.

I used to struggle with it too.I am blessed to have met the woman of my dreams, and it was my first real love.We've been together for a year and a half, and I have struggled with the same stuff.I was not jealous or possessive so much to start, but after a few months together, and the i love you's came...I really was.I hated for her to be around anyone else.I was worried constantly that I would lose her.I was paranoid, and jealous, even to the point once I almost lost her.But she is the best, and wanted to talk to me about it.

I'll put it to you like she did to me.Sure there are more handsome guys.There are guys that are funnier.There are guys that are better off financially.But, as she said "They are not you, they are not all that I want wrapped into one man".You have to realize there will always be other men.They will always hit on her, a wedding ring even isn't going to stop that.You have to realize that you are great the way you are, and have confidence in yourself.And when the point of a relationship or love DOES come, you need to trust her and know that because she talks to other people, or does other things, does not mean she loves you less or wants anything to do with them.People get bored, people need friends, people need activities.But you have to be confident in yourself, or yes, these other things WILL take your place.