I dont understand at all i guess

[davidsbabygirl]

I have been with this amazing guy for 2 years this october. He is the most amazing guy on earth i swear! But one thing bothers me every time i want to get to telling him about something that is bothering me he thinks i want him to fix my problem but i dont i just want him to listen. hes gotten to even where he tells me he is tired of hearing the same things over and over. now i moved to this town with im not knowing anybody and everyone seems to be too busy to talk to lately so I'm confused i just dont know what to do anymore.

[lesa]

I have noticed in my short time of studying men that they like to solve problems...if they cannot solve it then they do not want to hear it. Women are good listeners who will be there to hear your issues without being frustruated because they cannot solve it.

When I call my female friend and tell her of my issues of the day she will listen and maybe give some advice and then listen so more. We can talk for hours on the phone about it. When I call my boyfriend on the same issue he will quickly give me some advice and then change the subject or suggest I try his theory out immediately. We cannot talk on the phone for hours about the issue at all. It happens EVERY time so far. So I am pretty sure about this at least in my case.

I say don't mention your issues to him if you do not want him to solve it.

Men what do you think?

[davidsbabygirl]

i thought in a relationship you should be able to talk to each other about anything. lord was i mistaken.

[lesa]

We do. However, in the man's mind he will constantly want to solve your problems. He cannot bear to hear you dissppointed in anything and therefore would rather not hear it if he cannot solve it. It's not that he don't want to hear it in a mean sense, but he feels powerless to help you. He cannot just absorb your disppointments and not do anything about them like a girlfriend can. Women can listen and absorb your disppointments without feeling the need to solve them.

[Mish]

We do. However, in the man's mind he will constantly want to solve your problems. He cannot bear to hear you dissppointed in anything and therefore would rather not hear it if he cannot solve it. It's not that he don't want to hear it in a mean sense, but he feels powerless to help you. He cannot just absorb your disppointments and not do anything about them like a girlfriend can. Women can listen and absorb your disppointments without feeling the need to solve them.

Yup, our job is to keep the woman happy. It's too distressing if we can't. We don't like to feel helpless in a situation. Lesa, I think you're doing a good job when it comes to understanding people.

To the OP, try to communicate to him that him listening to you is helping you to solve the problem as an incentive for him to listen. If he feels that by simply listening he is solving your problem he might become a bit more motivated.

[davidsbabygirl]

smart idea. I will try it. I have also started just talking to someonelse about my problems. You know I just barely metion it to him and if he acts like he doesnt want to talk about it I change the subject or just shut up. I guess I will have to accept the fact that women are really more emotionaly involved than most men.

[Gigabitch]

Yup, and this is what LF is for. Letting it out so it doesn't end up in his lap. It's not that you can't talk to him about stuff- just present it differently. Also, try to give him a problem to solve occasionally. It will make him happy and probably be helpful as well, giving you a different perspective.

As far as expecting men to be as emotionally involved as women, yes, that was unreasonable. I have this problem as well, and my bf is pretty emotional compared to most. They just don't express the same way we do, do they?

[gartlas]

hmph,,generalisation....=p unfortunately theyre right but maybe we're just more practical hehe.also...he said he's tired of hearing the same thing again and again? Even if your frustrated at his ignoring you repeating your problems when he obviously doesnt want to listen will do nothing but annoy him and cause friction in my opinion. If you've moved to a new town and dont know anybody then thats an obvious solution is'nt it? Go out and meet some people ,make some new friends you can invite home for a cup of tea and talk to them about your problems instead. not to sound a pessimist but talking to a guy about your problems might not be best , I have trouble listening to people's problems for more than a few minutes without becoming impatient and sometimes , albeit cruelly seeing them as 'whiney' .However If I have troubles I know better than to speak to a male friend about them , and will turn to a female friend because , in short as everyone said you're better listeners (a little hypocritical of me but meh).as I said , go out and make some new female friends to have a conversation with.Stick to everyday problems for your boyfriend I think.

[davidsbabygirl]

This is all true. I'm sure me talking about the same subjects over and over could cause a problem. I just never looked at it in that way. I do know when someone stresses a subject to me i tend to get a bit annoyed myself. Oh I now see why women say that most men are emotional morons lol. Now I will say David is more sensitive then most men. Maybe thats why I expected him to listen to my every problem. I cant expect him to be perfect in every single way lol as he cant with me. Being on this site though sure has helped me with being able to talk to someone!

[Illusional]

whoa texas huh?? well i'm sure that you'll find a lot of nothingness there.

raverboy

[davidsbabygirl]

whoa texas huh?? well i'm sure that you'll find a lot of nothingness there.

raverboy

um what is that supposed to mean? theres tons here

[To0C0oL]

We do. However, in the man's mind he will constantly want to solve your problems. He cannot bear to hear you dissppointed in anything and therefore would rather not hear it if he cannot solve it. It's not that he don't want to hear it in a mean sense, but he feels powerless to help you. He cannot just absorb your disppointments and not do anything about them like a girlfriend can. Women can listen and absorb your disppointments without feeling the need to solve them.

All exactly true..

In a mans head, if you are telling him about a problem, then you want him to fix the problem.. It is hard for a man to let that go.. He wants to support you and do everything he can for you (if he is worth a shit)..

When a guy tells another guy about a problem, then he is asking for advice on fixing it, without actually asking for it..