How to get out...?

[Cain]

Why would that hurt? She should HOPE that he feels that way, otherwise she's hoping to hurt him.

[someonelse]

Just cuz she's thinking OMG he's so in love with me and turns eh not so much. oh well.

[Cain]

Only a cold-hearted bitch would feel hurt that the guy she's about to break up with isn't hurt by it.

[IndiReloaded]

Geezus Cain, put a sock in it already. You are waaaay too much into blame.

What is, IS. No going back, only forward.

Twisted, guilt is an overrated concept. You sound like you are quite aware of your issues & you are working on trying to improve. That is all any of us (except for those of us born perfect) are able to do. Just make sure you are being honest with yourself.

Its true, the person doing the breakup often has to be the stronger one. And you can't usually expect your partner to help. In fact, for a relationship of this length, you can expect that your partner will actively resist your breakup & become completely irrational. Its what happens when ppls feelings get badly hurt. Just suck it up.

I DO think that the longer you drag this out, the more hurt there will be all around. So I suggest you make your final decision (stay or go) asap & then do the things that are consistent with that decision. Its not fair to keep him in limbo the way you seem to be doing.

And remember, the next person you date will likely make a judgement about you by how you handle your current break. Not even considering that you will need to be able to look at yourself in the mirror.

Good luck, hun. Its a tough thing, I know.

[Cain]

Put a sock in it? No thanks.

I'm saying pretty much the same thing everyone else is. Yeah, I take it a little farther. Tough shit.

I don't blame anyone for the relationship falling apart. All I do is put a little blame on her for stretching it out longer than she should have? What's the big deal?

[IndiReloaded]

The big deal is that it makes YOU look like an ass for beating a dead horse with a stick.

WE KNOW. You keep repeating it. I'm starting to think you are OCD.

When you grow up, you will learn that continually beating someone for something they already know is a mistake doesn't do anything to improve a situation.

So I can only conclude that you aren't actually trying to help anyone. Just trying to make yourself feel better by trying to make them feel bad.

That's a sad way to live, Cain. You're a candidate for an emotional abuser, watch out for that.

Think about it. And save your 'whatevers' for someone who doesn't peer into brains as well as I do.

[Cain]

I'll never repeat myself again, on topic or not.

[Charlie Boy II]

what irritates (and bores) me most about this place is the f-ckwits like Cain who use the forums as a pulpit to push their own petty moral agendas.

Despite how those people obviously view themselves, continually passing judgement on people does make you one of the "others", one of the "good people". I've found those people usually turn out to be nothing more than mean-spirited hypocrites.

[Cain]

what irritates (and bores) me most about this place is the f-ckwits like Cain who use this place as a pulpit to push their own petty moral agendas.

Despite how those people obviously view themselves, continually passing judgement on people does make you one of the "others", one of the "good people". I've found those people usually turn out to be nothing more than mean-spirited hypocrites.

Oh **** off. Just because you don't agree with my moral stance on some shit doesn't mean my reasons for coming here are any different than yours.

And point out any time I prove to be a hypocrite. Anything I am morally against... I don't do.

[IndiReloaded]

what irritates (and bores) me most about this place is the f-ckwits like Cain who use the forums as a pulpit to push their own petty moral agendas.

Oh no. Please don't fight. I think Cain is a good guy. You too, CB.

Anyway, I certainly have a 'moral agenda' on here. Shrug. I think it should all be 'peace, love, harmony'.

In other words, I'm a damn hippie who thinks we should just be ****ing all the time. When we aren't reading books, & saving the world, lol.

Hey, that's not a bad idea. Its Friday, so I think I'll sign off early & go do just that. The first part, I'm too tired to save the world today.

[lastwish]

Whatever makes you happy. I don't care to argue about this anymore. I don't feel she owes him anything more than the gentlest possible breakup, and I am not going to be convinced otherwise.

Even if she owes him, so what? Nobody can do anything about it anymore. He's going to be hurt. Thats it. But what Twisted needs to understand is how dangerous it is to enter a long term relationship and have a lack of of committment. Or to think someone is the "one" when there wasn't much chemistry.

If you want a "guarantee" that your partner is never going to leave you, get married.

Marriage isn't a gurantee either. Like Mish said, committment begins in relationships, not marriage.

I am just saying that it's easier said than done to just "break up" when certain things happen in a relationship, whether there are kids or not, or marriage. That's why I started the thread, to ask for help and advice, not to be told that I am leading him on. I know the reasons for which I am still with him and only I need to know them. It's obvious that after over 4 years of being with this person almost constantly, I do care about not hurting him, and it's my priority now to do the least amount of damage possible to his ego and his life in general. But like Indi said, there undoubtedly were signs, conflicts, and all the rest. Things still haven't changed. And now there's complacency. And my guilty conscience. And the need for the things that are missing between us.

And just as a side note, i only just recently realized that there wasn't actual chemistry between us. Partially because I met someone with whom there WAS that real, rare thing that clicked, and partially just because now after years, we really don't have that much to say to each other. It's sad and it breaks my heart.

Twisted. I'm sorry if I came off as being offensive. But the reason I posted in your thread is because I want to help YOU, not to tell you how awful of a person you. But after you break if off with him, you have to reflect on the mistake you've done. And yes, it is a mistake. The mistake is not because you took a chance with him and he was just unlucky...the mistake is that you haven't been listening to yourself the whole time. Be courageous (i know its not easy) and break off relationships that you aren't really feeling. I know...he should have looked out for the signs. But you also have the responsibility to look out for yourself as well as his feelings. I'm not trying to force my view on you. I guess I have been hurt before and I have hurt someone as well. So I know how it feels both ways. The thing that I regret the most is how I hurt one guy years ago. I'm just trying to defend this guy you are going to hurt really bad since he can't be present in the forum to defend himself.

The big deal is that it makes YOU look like an ass for beating a dead horse with a stick.

I think cain like some of us are is just trying to stress the importance of not taking this break-up lightly. I personally think he's nice guy judging from his posts.

[Cain]

I think cain like some of us are is just trying to stress the importance of not taking this break-up lightly. I personally think he's nice guy judging from his posts.

Exactly. I insulted her enough in her cheating thread. I've TRIED to help in this thread, but when responding to certain people, I've reiterated a couple of things.

My whole purpose for my posts was to let her know that this was going to be hard. He's going to be hurt no matter what but the longer she waits the worse it's going to be. Then I wanted to show what some of the things she could have done better are so she can know what to avoid the next time this kind of thing happens... mostly that if she feels like it isn't working... get out. Nothing is stopping her from moving on.

[someonelse]

I'm concerned a bit about u cuz my ex went through something similar. He broke up w/me cuz he wanted freedom. Then changed his mind but it was too late by then. He was afraid of being stuck w/me in a relationship and never know what else could be for him. Then he emails me and tells me how much of a mistake he made. Personally I don't think it was a mistake. It was the best thing for the both of us. I didn't see it then but I see it now.

I just hope you really really have thought this through. Don't be affraid of being affraid. It'll be ok. He'll be hurt but get over it. You'll be hurt too but u'll get over it too. Just remind him that just because you're not right for each other doesn't make either you wrong or bad.

Good luck

[Charlie Boy II]

Exactly. I insulted her enough in her cheating thread. I've TRIED to help in this thread, but when responding to certain people, I've reiterated a couple of things.

My whole purpose for my posts was to let her know that this was going to be hard. He's going to be hurt no matter what but the longer she waits the worse it's going to be. Then I wanted to show what some of the things she could have done better are so she can know what to avoid the next time this kind of thing happens... mostly that if she feels like it isn't working... get out. Nothing is stopping her from moving on.

Bullshit Cain, you carried on in exactly the same way, but worse, in that other thread. The one where the girl had cheated on her boyfriend. You could see the foam forming at the corners of your mouth. You weren't helping, just trying to punish. And your rage at these situations, which actually don't affect you in any way, is obviouly you just projecting your own fears and insecurities onto these people and their situations.

[Cain]

Bullshit Cain, you carried on in exactly the same way, but worse, in that other thread. The one where the girl had cheated on her boyfriend. You could see the foam forming at the corners of your mouth. You weren't helping, just trying to punish. And your rage at these situations, which actually don't affect you in any way, is obviouly you just projecting your own fears and insecurities onto these people and their situations.

Yeah, that's it.

If you don't like my posts, ignore me. Until you do that, blow me.