How to get out...?

[lesa]

Anyway, I certainly have a 'moral agenda' on here. Shrug. I think it should all be 'peace, love, harmony'.

In other words, I'm a damn hippie who thinks we should just be ****ing all the time. When we aren't reading books, & saving the world, lol.

My moral agenda is to enjoy life and not take it so seriously yet do take it seriously. I want to promote others to allow themselves to understand another point of view and to be understood as well. My main agenda is to continue to open my mind and allow myself to understand the perspective that others have and to grow as a compassionate human being.

[Charlie Boy II]

If you don't like my posts, ignore me. Until you do that, blow me.

I think I'll take the "ignore" option.

[Tone]

what irritates (and bores) me most about this place is the f-ckwits like Cain who use the forums as a pulpit to push their own petty moral agendas.

Despite how those people obviously view themselves, continually passing judgement on people does make you one of the "others", one of the "good people". I've found those people usually turn out to be nothing more than mean-spirited hypocrites.

And there is no arguing w/ those type of people because in their mind their opinion is ALWAYS right. If you do argue with them they don't listen to your side of the story, their whole focus is "I'm right, you're wrong".

[Cain]

And there is no arguing w/ those type of people because in their mind their opinion is ALWAYS right. If you do argue with them they don't listen to your side of the story, their whole focus is "I'm right, you're wrong".

You can feel free to put me on ignore too.

[Mish]

breakups are part-and-parcel of relationships. What on earth's so hard to accept about that? If you want a "guarantee" that your partner is never going to leave you, get married. Isn't that, above all, what differentiates a marriage from a relationship? An explicit, (though obviously not always honoured), guarantee that you are going to stay together, no matter what.

It's fairly clear the people nursing perceived romantic injustices in this thread. There is nothing wrong with ending a relationship. Of course it causes hurt, but that's unavoidable and there is an implicit acceptance of that risk when anyone begins a romantic relationship, in my opinion.

That's right there is no guarantee, even in marriage. But if no one tries to make a relationship work, then what's the point having a relationship? Why should people have relationships all together? Because I'm telling you the easiest thing for me as a guy is not to have a relationship, they are too much work. The easiest thing for me is to go out and screw random girls, it's fun, it's easy. I don't need to have concern for anyone's feelings, I can just do it and move on.

Relationships are essentially pointless if both partners don't try to make it work, that's why I only enter them with the end in mind that there will be issues and both are committed to resolving them from the very beginning. In fact, I communicate that exact thing to my partner at the start of every relationship. If they don't agree, then I break it off straight away. I know they wil just be a waste of my time.

[lesa]

Me too. I tell him right away after he asks me to be officially a couple. I tell him that I am only interested in an exclusive committed relationship and go from there but I don't want anything casual and if he is not interested in that then I know very soon. I cannot imagine just being a couple without communication and have never not have that "talk" at the very beginning.

[Mish]

CB, how about an example that hits closer to home. What if Kristin was to tell you "You know, things are great right now, but I'm only into infatuation once infatuation wears out and it will, I'm going to let you go". How would that make you feel? How would it make you feel if every girl you are with told you that? Would you still want to try and settle down knowing that you never will be able to? Because if no one puts in the effort into fixing relationships, that's what it essentially comes down to.

Though I agree with you, there is no guarantee it will work even with the effort. That's why after everything is tried (including counseling) and it still doesn't work like you I believe both should just go their separate ways. It will hurt less than them staying together.

[Charlie Boy II]

As Vashti's already said, if infatuation wears off and there's nothing of more substance underneath it, then it's probably for the best that that relationship come to an end. If Kristen told me she no longer felt the same way or for whatever reason she wanted to end the relationship that would be her perogative. It would be painful, of course, but the bottom line is that I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with somebody who's only staying with me out of some grim sense of duty. Particularly at our age (in our 20s).

You two are twisting our words. We're not saying people shouldn't work out at their relationships, or that they should necessarily break up once the initial sheen of the coupling dulls. We're saying they shouldn't stay together purely out of some misguided sense of responsibilty. Nor should they feel guilty for opting out.

[misombra]

i don't think the answer of whether or not he should leave her is up to us. it's up to us, i think, to support him through whatever he decides to do. because people will do what they do.

[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2v2-DSKx3Eg"]YouTube - It's Your Thing-The Isley Brothers-1969[/ame]

[lastwish]

You two are twisting our words. We're not saying people shouldn't work out at their relationships, or that they should necessarily break up once the initial sheen of the coupling dulls. We're saying they shouldn't stay together purely out of some misguided sense of responsibilty. Nor should they feel guilty for opting out.

After infatuation fades or "initial sheen" dulls, love is respect, committment, honesty, and a sense of responsibility for the other person. And how can there be no love at all after a LTR? Only a psychopath would have no feelings.

And entering a relationship with the mindframe to commit is not misguided responsibility. It looks beyond infatuation because it ennobles the person with qualities of honesty and committment.

[vashti]

This thread is sucking ass.

[lastwish]

This thread is sucking ass.

why would you say that vash?

[Mish]

You two are twisting our words. We're not saying people shouldn't work out at their relationships, or that they should necessarily break up once the initial sheen of the coupling dulls. We're saying they shouldn't stay together purely out of some misguided sense of responsibilty. Nor should they feel guilty for opting out.

I agree. People shouldn't stay in a relationship out of a misguided sense of responsibility. It's true. But ultimately (and this is the way I see it) all relationships require work. If one is not ready to work for it, then one is not ready to have a relationship, thus marriage, thus family. I think people who aren't ready would do everyone a big favour if they stay away from having relationships in the first place.

[vashti]

I'll make sure to mention that to all the teenagers who are dating. ^^

In fact, since I don't think anyone should marry until the age of 30, there should be no dating allowed until you are 29 and are ready to date with an eye towards permanency.



(sarcasm)

[lesa]

I believe Mish is talking about a LTR, and not a casual one, or just merely dating. Someone can date hundreds of people but that does not mean that they have had a committed, exclusive relationship.