My wife feels like a bitchy roomate that no one wants to be around. What should I do?

[jinx343]

if you're done talking to her one-on-one and still couldn't work it out, you need someone to mediate.. not to say whose fault it was or who's right.. rather to set your differences and work your way from there..

[Steve2004]

i'm not going to completely ignore the idea that she might just be a jerk of a woman. some people just like to argue and be difficult..and they just so happen to be the ones you ALSO shouldn't marry like i said..there has to be some kind of indication before y'all decide to get married of what she might quite possibly blossom into. this kind of thing CAN'T be a complete and utter surprise one day 10 years into marriage..unless she really doesn't want to be married to you anymore..or you really dont want to be married to her anymore.

[IndiReloaded]

i'm not going to completely ignore the idea that she might just be a jerk of a woman. some people just like to argue and be difficult..and they just so happen to be the ones you ALSO shouldn't marry like i said..there has to be some kind of indication before y'all decide to get married of what she might quite possibly blossom into. this kind of thing CAN'T be a complete and utter surprise one day 10 years into marriage..unless she really doesn't want to be married to you anymore..or you really dont want to be married to her anymore.

What do you expect if you are a 25 year old marrying a, what, 18/19 year old?

Come to think, this thread could be complete BS after doing that math.

But you could be right Steve. Its possible she's just finally grown up & realized he isn't what she wants anymore.

[lesa]

I think I get it...maybe they want to find reasons to get out of a relationship rather than working on it? It does seems to peek at the 7-10 year time. They are so use to each other that now they want change. There is likely already a new person that they wish to seek a relationship with and want that peace of mind that they tried to make it work but the other spouse did not want to seek change.

[Mish]

I have no where else to turn for advice. I am 35 and my wife is 28. I make a really good living and she makes very little yet lives like she makes what I do, and I live like what she makes. The resentment isbuilding up as whe refuses to try and make herself better. My income pays the mortgage, health insurance, car insurance, food and utilities. Hers pays for her car payment.

Also she has a very confrontational attitude. No one wants to be around her and it is isolating me. Which works in her favor as she wants me it that way.

Lastly we have sex once a month and she claims it hurts and is no longer enjoyable yet she will not let me try anything new. She is just disinterested. I am 35, but invery good shape, 5'11" 165lbs. I run, work out, surf, wakeboard, and more. I am in great shape. I have a bunch of friends that don't like the way she treats me.

All of the above is solvable provided both of you respect each other to not accuse, blame or use condescending tone.

1. Her spending most of the money your earn.

Have a conversation with her about the spending patterns and that they are not equal. Discuss ways you two can work together to make the spending patterns more fair. Try counseling if needed, to address both partiy's issues and find out the root cause why things are like that. If she doesn't listen and continues spending most of the money then you get after that then you still have a lot of control. If worse comes to worst you can always redirect your pay into another bank account that she has no access to until she starts to listen. If she refuses to be fair even then and starts to run up debt instead (for example withradwing from home loan) then I don't think it's fixable and you should go.

2. Her confrontational attitude.

Sit down and discuss why she acts in this way. Does she confront others for different reasons? Or is there always the same pattern? What is the cause? (There is always a cause). Talk together about ways that cause can be eliminated or at least worked around. Use counseling if needed.

3. Sex hurting

It's a common issue for women and it occurs due to variety of reasons. It could be physical, it could be psychological, it could be emotional, it could be genetical (or as Vash would say, it could be the technicque). You will need to find out what the symptoms are and why they are occuring. Different causes will have different solutions. You will have to play a role of the analyst and match the synptoms to the problem. Then seek proffesional advice to see how this problem can be fixed (Majority of these issue are very fixable)

Good Luck

[overlooked]

ur problem is certainly not the one that i would consider "critical" that u should think about ending it by divorce. u guys have been married and any problem that surfaces should and HAVE TO be worked out at all cost. Talking to her obviously is ur first step to take, tell her how she makes u feel, and discuss ways to compromise. If it doesnt work, honestly there's nothing u can really do about it, since she is UR wife. I dont know...maybe other people have different opinion than mine, but then i was raised in a country where wife is to be supported by their husband almost like 100%. it's very common to see men supporting their wives with ALL the money that they have regardless whether their wives work or not, and if they're lucky, their wives would wisely spend/save the money for the FAMILY (that means for u, her, and the kids). however i've also seen irresponsible wives who would spend it like mad for their own enjoyment (like shopping for expensive clothes, make up, etc). if this is the case, maybe the only thing that u can do is to keep a portion of ur income 2 urself (dont give ALL of it 2 ur wive), which many men opt to do nowadays. as for the sex department, i think u can also talk about it 2 ur wive, ask her *whispering* what turns her on (in the midle of making up) i'm sure she would tell u, afterall it's for her own satisfaction. if dont communicate (or try to communicate), how would u know, rite? one of u MUST innitiate this communication for ur relationship 2 survive. if it's not her, then it must be u. once u're married, u can't just say 'ok, she's a pain in the ass now, bye'. no relationship is perfect, some relationship have more problems than the others. it just means u just have to work harder on it, thats all. always remember the reason why u're married to ur wive at the first place.

[FoxyLaydee]

Have you tried marriage counselor or therapist?

If everything has been done to save this marriage and still it isn't working out, I think you owe it to her and yourself to save it one last time with the help of an MC/MT. I've never gone through therapy but pretty much everyone I know swears by it.

[vashti]

Spending patterns between married people are rarely proportionate. You are married; they money becomes "ours" - not "mine and hers". If you disapprove of how she spends, you need to negotiate a budget.

[cbadchris]

You mean to tell me you discuss the details of your private marital life with a bunch of your friends?

Kind of disloyal, don't you think? And obviously they aren't going to like the way she treats you if YOU are the one describing the problem. Her friends probably don't like the way you treat her, either. You need to quit gossiping with your friends, and seek some professional help (especially if you have kids, which I hope you don't).

My friends and family have all told me that they don't like the way she talks to me. I never asked they just say, "why do you let her talk to you like that?"

I wouldn't sit here and lie and say that I am totally inocent. I have nothing to gain from it. I just want to be happy. I should never have married her, she had the attitude like this for 7 years since we were dataing and I would ask her why she talked to me like she does and she said it was resentment because we had been together for so long and never married. The reason we were not married was because I was putting myself through school and working full time.

A few weeks ago some girl cut us off on the highway and I just blew it off and she rolled down the window and threw a quarter at her car. I tried to grab her hand and she hit me and said "you have to stand up for yourself and not take Shi@7 from anyone" I just thought one should be adult enough to move on...

[vashti]

Do you have kids?

[cbadchris]

Maybe I am just trying to get some verification that I should move on. We have no kids, and would be easier to do before it comes to that. I don't want to put kids through a divorce. I have tried being romantic, wakeing up before her and buying flowers and breakfast, this christmas we both said we were not getting each other anything, and I socked away money and got her diamond earings anyway. I have done everything to make her life comfortable at my own expense and gotten no appreciation. I wish I could be with someone I like being around. I am just so miserable right now. It's not sex or anything like that. I just wanna have fun and enjoy being around someone.

[vashti]

Have you tried counseling?

[cbadchris]

She will not go...

[vashti]

In that case, I would probably tell her you are planning to divorce if she won't go.

I think the thing is that you need to be sure you have done all you can to save this marriage so you can have a clear conscience when you leave. However, I won't pretend the stakes are as high since (thankfully) you have no kids, but if you make every effort and she is not participating, I don't think you are obligated to stay. Don't blind-side her, though. She has a right to know exactly what is at stake and have an opportunity to try to repair things.

[cbadchris]

All of these suggestions are good, but when I try to talk to her she says I am not in the mood I need to relax and turns on the TV.

As for spending she has 4 coach purses and just got another on a trip to California to visit friends.

I want a partnership, she seems to see me as a parental figure. Her mom made her do nothing before I met her and her brother is 24 doesn't drive and doesn't work(never has). He just sits and watches TV and smokes pot while her mom works two jobs. THis is where she has come from. Spoiled and I want a partner. I wanna be happy..