I am trapped in someone else's love.

[Soulkiss]

What is it that you are trying to say, tho, SK? There doesn't actually seem to be any advice here, just your own idea about how women need to be married by 30 or they are doomed to be alone forever.

LOL, I'm sure Giga will love to read how you don't think she'll be able to get married & have anymore kids. Yikes, you sound like you are 19 or 20 years old at most.

What I'm trying to say is womens don't have the luxury of time to work through mistakes and failure in relationship, at least not in the sense that guys have.

how often do you see women married for the FIRST time in their 40's? and start their family by 36 - 40?

by the time you're 30, say you meet a guy, you spend 2 years of your life getting to know him, only to realize that he isn't the right person for you, now you're 32. What are the chances of you finding that special someone repeatedly? if the chances are so high, then can you call that person special in the first place? It just seems like any average joe.

I am sincerely sorry if my statement offended any women in any way, I genuninely mean no harm at all.

All that im trying to do is to communicate to the author of this thread, thats my main focus and concern, not trying to satisfy the viewers. You guys shouldn't be so concern about what I say but more concern about what you have to say.

[IndiReloaded]

Thanks SK, that sort of clears things up.

But your last post STILL fails to address how this applies to the OPs situation.

Are you seriously saying he should sacrifice himself & stay in this sad relationship solely b/c she's crazy/suicidal?

I mean, what if she's SO nuts that she tries to kill HIM? Given that any thought?

Noone is saying that he should drop her like yesterdays newspaper. BUT he does need to decide *for himself* whether this gal is actually any good for him & his needs. There are resources out there for ppl with mental illness. Whether women 'get more emotional' is of no relevance. IMO, his obligations (should he decide to end things) is to let her family & doctor know about the situation & get her some help. Mbe stick it out for a few months while she gets on some meds, but not much more than that. They aren't married & they don't have any children to consider.

A life is a terrible thing to waste. Two is more than doubly so, esp when sacrificed to the altar of 'guilt & good intentions with no expectation of return'.

Think about it.

[Soulkiss]

You are right, indi. Definitely a kid.

lol claiming that im a kid won't change the fact that you're no longer in high demand among guys by the time you're 35.

I will tell you why.

I'm actually 28 and part of a VC group, I travel and meet lots of people. and have met great womens that are 30 +. They don't physically look old or anything, In fact this one girl that I know in Australia looks like shes in her 20's but shes 35. Guys like me or at least in their early 30's for the most part tend to focus on their career, a women in their mid 30's are looking to settle down, which put lots of pressure onto the male. How many years do you have to wait for some guy by the time you're 35? Do you see my point?

And older women tends to be more insecure with younger mens. I know true love would shatter this concept but how often do people find true love? People are still divorcing in their 40's and finding new boyfriends, girlfriends in their 40's and 50's. Now on the other hand guys in their 40's 50's usually have children and married once already. Either that or they have issues. You're more limited in your selection when you're a female in mid 30's. I'm sorry but this is how it works. hate me, call me a kid, do whatever you like it won't change this part of the world. I'm not supporting this view, it's just something that happens...

I won't reply anymore to this thread cause it's drifting away from the main focus. Most of you aren't trying to offer value to the author, but instead ripping me apart for my opinions. Value what I say or not I really don't care. And definitely don't have insecurities issues to be concern of how I conduct myself on the internet and in real life.

If it makes you feel better in any way, you don't have to look at it from the perspective of the male choosing the female, but rather the opposite. The female have high standards and ideals, but there just isn't enough quality guys around that meet their criteria, and it becomes more difficult as you wait for mr right. at age 35 cause your beauty don't last forever in a physical sense and this world is filled with people who use their eyes instead of their heart first. People need physical attraction.

[Cain]

lol claiming that im a kid won't change the fact that you're no longer in high demand among guys by the time you're 35.

I will tell you why.

I'm actually 28 and part of a VC group, I travel and meet lots of people. and have met great womens that are 30 +. They don't physically look old or anything, In fact this one girl that I know in Australia looks like shes in her 20's but shes 35. Guys like me or at least in their early 30's for the most part tend to focus on their career, a women in their mid 30's are looking to settle down, which put lots of pressure onto the male. How many years do you have to wait for some guy by the time you're 35? Do you see my point?

And older women tends to be more insecure with younger mens. I know true love would shatter this concept but how often do people find true love? People are still divorcing in their 40's and finding new boyfriends, girlfriends in their 40's and 50's. Now on the other hand guys in their 40's 50's usually have children and married once already. Either that or they have issues. You're more limited in your selection when you're a female in mid 30's. I'm sorry but this is how it works. hate me, call me a kid, do whatever you like it won't change this part of the world. I'm not supporting this view, it's just something that happens...

I won't reply anymore to this thread cause it's drifting away from the main focus. Most of you aren't trying to offer value to the author, but instead ripping me apart for my opinions. Value what I say or not I really don't care. And definitely don't have insecurities issues to be concern of how I conduct myself on the internet and in real life.

If it makes you feel better in any way, you don't have to look at it from the perspective of the male choosing the female, but rather the opposite. The female have high standards and ideals, but there just isn't enough quality guys around that meet their criteria, and it becomes more difficult as you wait for mr right. at age 35 cause your beauty don't last forever in a physical sense and this world is filled with people who use their eyes instead of their heart first. People need physical attraction.

Most of the replies to this thread have been in reply to the OP. Get over yourself.

[Soulkiss]

Thanks SK, that sort of clears things up.

But your last post STILL fails to address how this applies to the OPs situation.

Are you seriously saying he should sacrifice himself & stay in this sad relationship solely b/c she's crazy/suicidal?

I mean, what if she's SO nuts that she tries to kill HIM? Given that any thought?

Noone is saying that he should drop her like yesterdays newspaper. BUT he does need to decide *for himself* whether this gal is actually any good for him & his needs. There are resources out there for ppl with mental illness. Whether women 'get more emotional' is of no relevance. IMO, his obligations (should he decide to end things) is to let her family & doctor know about the situation & get her some help. Mbe stick it out for a few months while she gets on some meds, but not much more than that. They aren't married & they don't have any children to consider.

A life is a terrible thing to waste. Two is more than doubly so, esp when sacrificed to the altar of 'guilt & good intentions with no expectation of return'.

Think about it.

What I'm trying to say is he should help her, No one is born to be crazy or have emotional issues. Everyone has their ups and downs in life, are you implying that hes perfect as well and don't have any issues? Everyone has issues, why abandon? Help her out, cause one day she could be the one helping you out. Say he got into an accident and lost his ability to walk...

And he doesn't have to waste his life, he is capable of turning things around. That is what Im saying and I'm no longer going to particpate in this discussion. I'm sorry if I offended you in any way. Take care and have a good day

[Cain]

What I'm trying to say is he should help her, No one is born to be crazy or have emotional issues. Everyone has their ups and downs in life, are you implying that hes perfect as well and don't have any issues? Everyone has issues, why abandon? Help her out, cause one day she could be the one helping you out. Say he got into an accident and lost his ability to walk...

And he doesn't have to waste his life, he is capable of turning things around. That is what Im saying and I'm no longer going to particpate in this discussion. I'm sorry if I offended you in any way. Take care and have a good day

He doesn't WANT to be with her. Why should he stay if he doesn't want to be in this relationship?

[vashti]

SK - You sound like you have been reading the same pile of crap GS reads.

I suppose the women I know are luckier than the ones you know since most of them marry in their early 30s, and are marrying men who are also in their 30s.

I don't think the original poster should stay with a woman who is 26 because she may be too old to find someone else. That is frankly retarded.

[Mish]

I think 26 for a woman is still really young, she can easily go through more than a couple of serious relationships before the biological clock starts ticking. There's plenty of time and plenty of choice for her.

[Mish]

What I'm trying to say is he should help her, No one is born to be crazy or have emotional issues. Everyone has their ups and downs in life, are you implying that hes perfect as well and don't have any issues? Everyone has issues, why abandon? Help her out, cause one day she could be the one helping you out. Say he got into an accident and lost his ability to walk...

I agree that he has to help her and perhaps not leave straight away but transition out of relationship. As far as abandoning goes, it sounds like he has already abandoned her. It sounds like he's only physically there, the rest of him has already left her. There appear to be serious issues in the relationship. No intimacy is a critical issue which ussually is a result, an outcome of a lot of breakdowns within a relationship (From communication to trust to understanding of one another). It sounds like they've been trying to fix it through counseling and by ohter means, but it's just not working out. There is just no intimacy between them.

[Soulkiss]

Take a look at [url]http://www.theaustralian.news.com.au/story/0,20867,20646504-23289,00.html[/url]

It's regarding child birth.


I thought this was important enough for me to come back and post something about it since it's related to our discussion.

Ironically they seem to hit the mark with "35" and tonight is my first time seeing this article, 20 minutes ago actually.

I don't know what "crap" you think I've been reading but I wouldn't take health issues as crap.

People should be more responsible with the things they say even on the internet.

Anyways thats all I've wanted to say. Thank you all for your response and take care.

I won't have any time to constantly partake in this discussion, so I probably won't be able to read your responses. But if you really feel the need to express your resentment toward me, or share your point of view, feel free to do so at <Do not put your email address on public forum. - LA> instead of needlessly continuing in this thread, especially when I won't be reading it, plus it's getting off topic.

Peace

[vashti]

Oh well, that DEFINITELY changes my mind. By all means, the original poster should stay with this woman he doesn't love because in 15 years, her babies may have elevated health risks!

(sarcasm)

[FadeToBlack]

wow. People pls stop this arguing. It's silly. Put bluntly men prefer younger women. But that's besides the point really. Who cares anyway?

We've been separate for some time before. Not because there was another, but because I was feeling the same way I do now. Somehow she got me back. And for what I believe, not the right (lasting) reasons. I felt forced back in. The forced feeling never went away and only got stronger. This was years ago. What's happening now is a direct consequence of my past negligence to my own feelings.

I need some light at the end of the tunnel. I was hoping that someone's been trough this and found the way out (or back in for real etc.). At the end of the day if there is a way for me to be happy in this relationship I would try and work it out, I just can't seem to think in this direction.

All I am looking for is some sound advise.

I am not looking for 'You should leave her' or 'You should stay'. I need to know what would you do. I need you to give me a fresh prospective . . . because my brain has already developed rigid connection when it comes to dealing with our relationship' problems.

[Cain]

Our advice is what we WOULD do. I would leave her. You're not her daddy and you don't need to act as such. I would step away, slowly, over the course of a couple months. I'd let her parents and doctor know what's going on and let them take over. I'm not meant to spend my life unhappy with someone just because they might hurt themself.

[shh!]

Put bluntly men prefer younger women. .

Is this your true motivation for leaving?

I am not looking for 'You should leave her' or 'You should stay'.

I wasn't aware there are any other options.

To be honest, you sound very wishy-washy. I think you need to make a decision (ANY decision), and stick with it.

[FadeToBlack]

Cain, I did that before. She went into crisis. Doctors didn't help. Parents wouldn't handle it.

shh!, No, this is definitely not the reason. And I know what I want to do, I just can't. That's my whole f* problem.

I know what I say is contradictory and whiny etc. Ultimately I need to share whats eating me from the inside, because I can't really tell anyone since we both know the same ppl and this would further complicate matters. And if in the mean time a new possible outcome crystallizes in me through your comments, the better!