Finally over my old gf...now have a new question for the ladies

[colt18]

So its taken awhile to finally get over my ex...but i finally did....actually started talkin to this girl i met at a mexican restraunt....shes a waitress there...we seem to have hit off pretty good. Always talkin and such even if shes not waiting my section....or if shes working the cashier she always talks to me and such. Shes asked what kind of work im in, or what im doing that day or for the weekend, tells me whats shes doing. etc...stuff like that. So i finally worked up enough to ask her for her phone number...but before i do that i asked if she had a bf...of course she said yeah...but it wasnt serious....i probably should have quit there...but i asked if i could get her number and call sometime....she says shell take mine and text me....so she does, and then a day later she texts me hers....so i did get the number.....anywho weve sent texts back and fourth..she telling me how her days going or whats shes doing at the time......anyways guess the question is....is she interested in me some? or do i need to back off since she does say she has a bf.....just they arent really serious? thanks again in advance

Colt18

[Tone]

Tell her it's a shame she has a boyfriend because otherwise you'd love to take her _____ . (w/e she's interested in)

[Austinn]

why dun you try and tell her through texting that you want to have *fun* with her, she obviously is attracted to you since she gave you her number AND is talking to you even tho she has a bf, so you need to act or accept that its not gona happen, you have to push the envelope here, ur the usurper trying to get in, you must make the effort to oust the host and enter the castle so to speak with this girl

[lastwish]

She seems interested in you but once you go out with her...she would probably give out her phone number to other guys and say she isn't serious with you. Are you okay with that?

[Cain]

I can't stand when someone interferes in another relationship. If they aren't serious, they shouldn't be considered bf/gf.. they should be considered dating. The fact that she's willing to be a tramp and flirt with other guys and give her number out when she has a bf shows how easy she is. Don't get in a relationship with her if you don't want a girl that would cheat on you.

In my opinion though, back off until the relationship is over. You never know what kind of violent guy the bf might be.

[dollykiss]

colt18, there are three types of women in this situation: Type A, Type B and Type C.

Type A is the type of girl who gave you her number because she juggles and wants to sleep with you.

Type B is the type of girl who's insecure in her relationship so every time she calls/texts you, it's when she thinks her BF is cheating on her. She might sleep with you but it'll be one of those "I'm sorry we did it, I was just feeling vulnerable" kind of things.

Type C is a girl who lacks self-esteem and is just looking for anybody's attention. She's not interested in sleeping with you, she's just in it to waste your time.

If you're only interested in using her for one night then go for it. If you may develop feelings for her: stay away.

Best of luck!

[anachronistic]

I can't stand when someone interferes in another relationship. If they aren't serious, they shouldn't be considered bf/gf.. they should be considered dating. The fact that she's willing to be a tramp and flirt with other guys and give her number out when she has a bf shows how easy she is. Don't get in a relationship with her if you don't want a girl that would cheat on you.

In my opinion though, back off until the relationship is over. You never know what kind of violent guy the bf might be.

It's not the interferer that I can't stand, it's the woman. A good girlfriend would reject any guy when she's in a good relationship. But sometimes the case is, it's not working out. Maybe they are on the verge of breaking up, and she is looking for a rebound relationship, or maybe is already over him and ready to start a new relationship. But why would she say that she has a boyfriend then?

By the way, I won't ask women if they have a boyfriend when I first meet them. I usually just say something like 'hey, let's go do this sometime' and if they agree, I'll think of a time, exchange phone numbers and be on my way.

[lesa]

It's not the interferer that I can't stand, it's the woman. A good girlfriend would reject any guy when she's in a good relationship.

I agree. I can't really blame the interferer...they can do whatever...but the reaction of the girlfriend/boyfriend is what concerns me. Every girl on my bf's neighborhood can contact him and ask him on dates, pursue him etc...I can't blame them. I am much more concern of his reactions to these women. I don't understand why people are concern about the 'other person'.

[Cain]

It's not the interferer that I can't stand, it's the woman. A good girlfriend would reject any guy when she's in a good relationship. But sometimes the case is, it's not working out. Maybe they are on the verge of breaking up, and she is looking for a rebound relationship, or maybe is already over him and ready to start a new relationship. But why would she say that she has a boyfriend then?

By the way, I won't ask women if they have a boyfriend when I first meet them. I usually just say something like 'hey, let's go do this sometime' and if they agree, I'll think of a time, exchange phone numbers and be on my way.

By not asking, you're not doing anything wrong. If they have a boyfriend, they should tell you. You're innocent because you didn't know.

I agree. I can't really blame the interferer...they can do whatever...but the reaction of the girlfriend/boyfriend is what concerns me. Every girl on my bf's neighborhood can contact him and ask him on dates, pursue him etc...I can't blame them. I am much more concern of his reactions to these women. I don't understand why people are concern about the 'other person'.

I'm not just faulting the interferer. I'm faulting the interferer and the boyfriend/girlfriend that is messing around. But the interferer is just as much to blame as the boyfriend/girlfriend. In my opinion, once you find out that a person is unavailable (which they are if they are in a relationship), then you shouldn't pursue them until they become available again.

If I was in a casual relationship, I wouldn't care if a guy stole my girl away... if it wasn't anything serious, because I could move on and not care. But if a guy knew I was in a relationship with my current gf and he pursued her and she for some reason did cheat, I'd be breaking up with her and I'd be whooping his ass.

[lesa]

I'm not just faulting the interferer. I'm faulting the interferer and the boyfriend/girlfriend that is messing around. But the interferer is just as much to blame as the boyfriend/girlfriend. In my opinion, once you find out that a person is unavailable (which they are if they are in a relationship), then you shouldn't pursue them until they become available again.

If I was in a casual relationship, I wouldn't care if a guy stole my girl away... if it wasn't anything serious, because I could move on and not care. But if a guy knew I was in a relationship with my current gf and he pursued her and she for some reason did cheat, I'd be breaking up with her and I'd be whooping his ass.

You are asking the 'outsider' to be respectful of your relationship, but who knows what kind of person the interferer is. This person could be murderer, rapists, evil, etc....I would be more concern about how my partner reacted to this interferer. My partner have standards (and that I expect) and is respectful for our relationship. I could care less what kind of person the interferer is and what the motives are. I can't expect the world to respect me and my relationship, but I do expect my partner.

[Cain]

You are asking the 'outsider' to be respectful of your relationship, but who knows what kind of person the interferer is. This person could be murderer, rapists, evil, etc....I would be more concern about how my partner reacted to this interferer. My partner have standards (and that I expect) and is respectful for our relationship. I could care less what kind of person the interferer is and what the motives are. I can't expect the world to respect me and my relationship, but I do expect my partner.

I definitely think my partner should respect the relationship, but I also expect people not to interfere. That's my point. Even if the partner is held to a higher standard, people STILL shouldn't interfere.

[Cain]

I disagree. A person, to navigate this life, should look out for his or her own; they're obviously best qualified as they're the most informed. The interferer, as he's been termed, is only looking out for his interests. What if the boyfriend is abusive as hell and to anyone in the know, the girl should be rescued from him as moral obligation? One just doesn't know another's life as well as the person leading it. It's her responsibility to look out for her own good by either entertaining options to a new/better life, likewise rejecting paths that would lead to a degraded life.

On top of that, what's good or bad is really subjective. The girl might be an S&M freak and love the fact that the boyfriend smacks her around. (rofl...all hypothetical, of course...)

My point is, everyone is best able to look after their own interests. It just cuts down on all the bullshit hypothesizing.

Yeah, well, let a guy try to interfere in my current relationship and see how he ends up.

[Cain]

hahaha, see that would be where the guy, looking out for his own best interests, makes the decision to let well enough alone :-P

Exactly.

At least I would only be violent towards the interferer if he knew that she and I were in a relationship. If he didn't, I wouldn't fault him. The gamble the interferer makes, however, is that the boyfriend or girlfriend isn't crazy. I've heard of men going absolutely insane and murdering the interferer. In fact, to a lesser extent at least, a man posted on this forum some time ago stating that the boyfriend of a girl he was trying to get with put him in the hospital.

[anachronistic]

With all due respect, a guy that needs to get violent with someone just for hitting on his girlfriend really comes off as insecure. I really feel sorry for people that don't have the dignity to let the girl fend for herself. And of course, what if she is manipulating you? I had an ex go for a rebound relationship, and falsely accused me of stalking her. That idiot boyfriend didn't leave me alone until the girl broke up with him 2 weeks later. I even got the police involved and I was going to press charges.

I would make the interferer dance though, if he said something disgusting or disrespectful to her (my hypothetical girlfriend)... or grabbed her ass or something. I hate it when girls complain about that; 'omg like this guy at the dance club grabbed my ass' I don't understand why some women don't just backhand those assholes.

[Cain]

With all due respect, a guy that needs to get violent with someone just for hitting on his girlfriend really comes off as insecure. I really feel sorry for people that don't have the dignity to let the girl fend for herself. And of course, what if she is manipulating you? I had an ex go for a rebound relationship, and falsely accused me of stalking her. That idiot boyfriend didn't leave me alone until the girl broke up with him 2 weeks later. I even got the police involved and I was going to press charges.

I would make the interferer dance though, if he said something disgusting or disrespectful to her (my hypothetical girlfriend)... or grabbed her ass or something. I hate it when girls complain about that; 'omg like this guy at the dance club grabbed my ass' I don't understand why some women don't just backhand those assholes.

My girlfriend isn't aggressive at all. She'd say "you're rude" before she'd hit the guy. She's way more passive when it comes to that stuff. And I'm sure she's not manipulating me. I'm not stupid and I've been around manipulation long enough that I'd see it.

And I'm not saying I'd physically assault a guy for flirting with my girlfriend. I'd do it if he wouldn't leave her alone (i.e. constantly tried to get with her even after she's told him to leave her alone), grabbed her (I don't care what guys wouldn't do this... if a guy grabs my girlfriend, I'm going to tear him up... it's so ****ing disrespectful to grab a girl whether she has a bf or not, and I know my girl well enough to know that she's not out at some club grinding on a guy so he'd have no reason to touch her), or threatened her/assaulted her/stalked her... I'm not going to justify myself. No reason to. I'm not passive enough to let those three things slide.