
Originally Posted by
boobaa
I know life in my country is different but right now I wish I lived in dorms as well. Mostly my college day consists of walking to school, wasting my time, maybe having some small talk and lots of boredoms, and then walks home. But some people are quite interesting and I have made some nice friends.
When I went to elementary school, it was a complete surprise to me. Before school I was so worried about marks and that I fail. But elementary school was too easy. The hard part was people. I just didn't understand many people there, some behaviors seemed completely alien to me. Lots of pointless and accusing behaviors. people yelling at each other all the time, something which I did not understand at the time. However, I had some nice time, at least the first years...
Then things started to go a bit downfall. Although I communicated with people, I still didn't understood them. Then I begun to adapt their behavior, just thinking that maybe I could fit in better. Some people teased girls all the time, in a gross and pointless way, which I thought. Anyway, everything seemed to be quite dirty and gross in school. I was used to my home cleanness and comfort. Finally I started to fade away from them.
Some people I trusted my friends, only to discover they stole from me. I had other good friends also, but mostly all the playings and hang outs were their things, what they wanted, i was still somewhat alone.
At middle school, hormons started to grow in people. There were many quarrels in class. And I was picked on at the beginning. So once I had enough and gave a surprise fist blow to ones face. Surprisingly I felt very bad after this, but it felt a lot better after few days, seeing that the person was ok and I actually got myself some recognition. However, after some time, I still felt same as before.
I could tell some girls liked me. Middle school is the time where children make their first kissings you know. But that never happened to me. I grew outsider and never went to parties. People felt boring and so did the girls to who I liked. Finally I felt I have nothing to talk about with people. There were days i didn't speak a word in school. Found myself often talking to myself on a way home as I was going through my thoughts.
High school, however, was better. But still boring as hell. I didn't do very good marks, just like in the end of middle school, but I got on better than many else. Our class was failure anyway. people felt interesting and very friendly at the beginning. But after a few hangouts we distanced. This is the time where I developed my crush about who I had a thread recently. She seemed the kind of girl who you could have some meaningful talk with. But eventually I was too nervous and ****ed up on the day I though about asking her out when I saw her.
So days went by, boring talk at school, got nothing to do. Some people surprisingly came to me and talked about themselves all day. It didn't move me at all. So months went and I graduated.
I am a cold person. I have constant shit to think about. Feel regret too often, can't kill a bug. Often I think if people have any idea about what they actually do or where they live. They live, go from place to place, shit, eat, but they don't realize the connections between things. Today i had a discussion with my friend about life. I asked him what does he feel when he kills a bug. He said its a nasty beast to which I responded it wanted to live just like you. People don't have sense of reality, about what they do to each other with their smallest actions. When killing a bug, you think its a nasty beast, but not actually that you killed him.