really really complicated situation: need advice!

[divok]

Currently I am 19 and she is 20 (same grade though). We are both in college:

It all started out when I met her in freshman year of college - we were friends, grew closer, and practically became best friends. Then, over the summer she visited and we got together. she was my gf and i was her bf and we loved each other a lot.

It was our first serious relationship - She was my first gf and I was her second bf (her first was just a 2 week thing). We both go to the same college so we made each other our life (which is bad): we hung out 24/7.

This led to us fighting a lot and arguing a lot. It also brought out my insecurities and made me jealous and possessive. As sophomore year carried on, the relationship went from rocky to beautiful to argumentative...then to beautiful.

Don't get me wrong: we were both in love. true deep love. And nobody cheated on the other person. It's just that we argued a lot...So the summer after sophomore year came (this summer that we are currently in) and we were apart - she visited like once every two weeks, but we still argued. She wanted to spend more time with her friends without me being on her mind (i was clingy).....

And so finally, after 11 months of being together (this was still during this summer), she visited after a 3 week vacation and saw me in person and broke up with me 4th of july weekend. She said that she needed to stand up on her own two feet and not get the stress from us arguing. she said she couldnt handle a relationship right now. she also said that i could spend more time with friends and vice versa and how that was a good thing. i was devastated. I asked her if she loved me and she said yes but she had started out the breakup sentence by saying 'i really really like u BUT.....blah blah blah....maybe we are supposed to be friends.....'

She said that we could always be friends in the fall of the school semester and if we were meant to be then we would get together. when i asked her how she would know if i changed my ways and grew to a mature person, and she said that we would always have a strong connection and that she would know if i changed when we would be friends.

It was weird because she was giving me mixed signals during the break up (she hugged and kissed me on the cheeks - acted as if everything was normal) so it was extra hard for me. then we talked on the phone for like 5 minutes the same day and she said that we shouldnt hang out or talk because she needed to get over me.

So I chat with her online after 2 days and she says that she would call in 'a few days.' but she didnt. then after a week from the breakup we truly accidentally met in person (with other friends) at a restaraunt (she acted as if we were together - i saw the spark in her eyes), and when i asked her why she hadnt called, she said she would call that night....she did, and she said that she needed time and I should just get over her. she would call me when she was ready to be friends. she said that it was 'either friendship or nothing' at this point, and if we were friends and if we were soulmates, then the 'universe would work for us.' In my point of view, our restaraunt meeting was already a godly sign....but i guess she didnt think so.

So i'm alone on facebook (we're friends), and i see her status - she acts as though she is normal. this hurts and i de-friend her and send her an email saying that i need my cyber-space too and I need to talk to her in person/email before we can be facebook friends and all that internet stuff. she replied that she was hurt and just because she was acting normal on facebook didnt mean that she was over me. i realized my immaturity and re-friended her, but to this day she has neither rejected or approved my friendship on facebook.

After that she hasnt called or anything. its been a month and a half and will be two months before we both go back to college.

I want to be friends because I really have learned a lot from this painful experience and have become a better more understanding person. I realized my faults and have worked on my insecurities and self esteem.

And I just have so many questions since she hasnt called in weeks since the facebook saga........


Should I just wait for her or try to call and be friends when school starts? What if she never ever calls me?

Is it over forever?

How could she be so cold to me after 11 months.....how could someone do that (she hasnt contacted me in a month)? She talks to everybody on facebook and just ignores my friend request and I feel that she is trying really hard to get over me.

Was the 'lets be friends things' just an excuse to make me feel less sad?

its my first breakup (obviously because she was my first gf), but i truly do love her and dont know what to do..... I think she's a great + beautiful person inside out and I just want to show her that I am different....but what if she never calls or wants to be friends but never is that close?

aargh.



please reply; any thoughts would be greatly appreciated. I'm in a pickle.

[starbuck]

It sounds like you might need some distance from this girl because your emotions are still raw. Trying to be friends with her right now doesn't seem like a great idea, especially since she seems to be avoiding you. Would you be able to talk with her about her future relationships? That's the kind of role a friend takes on.

I'd give it some time and see how you feel once school starts. Move on and leave her be for a while. No matter what she says to you, her actions are indicating she wants to move on.

[Gigabitch]

You can't be friends with your ex. Doesn't work.

You'll still be at the same school, right? So it's not like all opportunity is lost.

Look, there are over three billion women on the planet. I'm sure she's wonderful, but she's not the only woman in the world. You MUST get some perspective on this.

[divok]

yeah i've thought about it a lot and from my point of view, if she wants to initiate anything she can. she cant say 'oh you werent in my college so i didnt try'

but i'm just getting over her.

[IndiReloaded]

You guys (not just you, OP) all get so attached to your women at such a young age. Its both laudable and somehow frightening. You'll have to figure out which I mean in this case.