Feeling hopeless...

[Indestructible]

I'm partly making this topic to vent, because I've got a lot on my mind, and I like making topics like this to just get it all out there. But, if you're willing to read my topic and offer input, great.

Where to begin...? Let's see... I'm currently 19, will be 20 by the end of the year. Never had a girlfriend, never went on a date, never did any of that stuff. And that bothers me, because, well... I really WANT to experience that relationship stuff. I'm sure people will say "Oh, you're still young, enjoy being single!", but really, I've been single for almost 20 years, now; I think I know the in's and out's of single life, by now, heh...

Thing is, I have a lot going against me... The biggest thing I have to overcome is my height. Most girls I meet are even at least a little taller than me (and the ones that aren't are usually old enough to be my mother or grandmother... *shudder*). Honestly, though, I wouldn't mind dating a taller girl, but I know that lots of girls probably wouldn't like the idea of dating a shorter guy. Anyway, because of my height, I tend to have very little confidence, and I often come off as shy around people (at least when they're still new to me). Another thing about me is, I'm very much a "nice guy"; that makes things even tougher, because these days, it seems like you have to play a little to a girl's sexuality in order to get attention. And I KNOW I have a "flirtacious"/ "playful" side deep down, but I just can't let it out, for whatever reason. :/

But it's not really ALL my fault, here... Another big issue I have that I can't seem to understand is, I never feel a "connection" with a girl that's strong enough to make me want them as anything more than a friend. Truth be told, I've had a few female friends that I was able to open up around, but there was only a mutual friendship with those girls; I wasn't "attracted" to them, nor were they to me. There's only been one girl I've ever really had feelings for; actually, she's still semi-involved in my life, and I'd still REALLY like to be in a relationship with her, but things are so complicated and confusing that I don't even know where I stand with her at the moment...

To make matters worse, I'm at a point in my life where I'm not meeting new people... I was supposed to start college this year, and I was excited about all the new people I'd meet and all, but my plans got screwed up, and I'll have to take online classes this year, so I'm going to end up losing out on the social aspects of college (which are probably just as important, if not more than, the actual education itself). I recently started a new job, but... there's no girls that I think would be right for me... Two of them are about five years older than me and have kids and committed boyfriends, one is in her 30s and is a higher-up at the store, and the rest are older than that. There was one girl there that was only a little older than me, though; she was kinda cute, I guess, and we got along pretty well. I didn't feel that "connection" I'm looking for with her, but if there were more time, I'd have maybe considered asking her out some time down the line. But, she's living with her boyfriend, and the two just moved to Florida (I'm in Ohio), so...

It's even more frustrating, because so many of the people I've known seem to have what I want... I remember back when I was in high school, there were lots of happy couples... Even now, at my new job, my male co-workers have significant others... One is married, one if getting married, this kid that's a year younger than me has a girlfriend... It's hard to sit back and watch it come so easy to other people, but not know what the hell I'm doing wrong that I can't have that, too.

I dunno, I just don't get it. Things just feel so hopeless, right now... I wish I could get my life on track, when it comes to all this dating and relationship stuff, but I just don't know how to do that. :/

[Kromat]

You're not alone.
I'm 25, and still haven't had a long-term girlfriend.
I've been interested in a few, but they were either taken or don't show interest as much as me.

Some people need the right woman to make them appreciate themselves and what we have to offer.

I have someone of interest right now, but not sure how she feels about it or If she's single for that matter.
She's 20 and we met Wednesday during our polish pilgrimage and I felt that we shared certain interests and comfort talking to one another.
I called and texted her, but got no response yet.
I'll call again Monday, because I want to know her situation and If this can work out or look elsewhere.

P.S. Hope it goes well for both of us.
We'll find someone out there that is right for us, someday.

[starbuck]

Indestructible, have you considered online dating? Could be a good way to meet girls if you're not meeting them in your everyday life.

Probably wouldn't hurt to work on your confidence either. There are ways of doing this (working out, counseling, self-help)

It's easy to look around at all the couples and say, "Aren't they happy?" But if you scratched beneath the surface, you might find that not all of them are. Idealizing other people's relationships isn't going to get you anywhere, hun.

[Indestructible]

Heh, I've tried a little online dating, but didn't really meet anyone within a manageable distance. A couple of girls messaged me, but they didn't really seem like the kind of girls I wanted to date, so...

[starbuck]

You mention not being able to make a "connection" with a girl. Well, what kind of qualities are you looking for in a girl? It might help to know these and then seek out girls with those qualities. Even if it's just a matter of finding a girl who has similar interests as you, at least it's a starting point. For example, if you like music, maybe you could chat up some girls at concerts? If you like comic books, maybe you could meet a girl at a comic con. You get the jist.

Don't let it get you down. A relationship *will* happen for you eventually. These things just can't be forced, so a combination of being patient and putting yourself out there is what I'd recommend.

[Indestructible]

Eh... Honestly, I'm not entirely sure how to put into words as to what I want in a girl. What I really want is a girl that makes me feel the way I do about the girl I mentioned back in my first post, and again, I can't really describe that easily. :/ It's really not about similar interests (heh, actually, I don't think I want a girl that's too similar to me, in terms of interests), or things like that. Meh, I'm probably just talking in circles, now... Like I said, it's really hard to put it into words, what I'm looking for. It's just this... "feeling". Yanno? Maybe I'm just crazy... @_@

[starbuck]

Hard to find what you want when you don't know what you're looking for. It sounds clinical, but I really think there is something to exploring what you want in someone. The "I'll know it when I see it" attitude just got me into mediocre relationships.

[Indestructible]

Well, I mean, I know what kind of characteristics I'd prefer in a girl, but the actual chemistry is what's the most important thing to me. I'm sure I've met girls who, on paper, would probably be a good match for me, but if we don't "click", I'm just not feeling it. Unfortunately, it seems extremely hard for me to find some one that I "click" with well enough.

[starbuck]

Well, I mean, I know what kind of characteristics I'd prefer in a girl, but the actual chemistry is what's the most important thing to me. I'm sure I've met girls who, on paper, would probably be a good match for me, but if we don't "click", I'm just not feeling it. Unfortunately, it seems extremely hard for me to find some one that I "click" with well enough.

Yeah I know what you mean. The elusive chemisty is what everyone struggles with in dating. If people knew how to create chemistry, someone would bottle it up and sell it and it would be the next designer drug.