confused

[sports1]

well i'm interested or was in a way with this girl thats shy,until I found out she was hooked on a total jerkoff.

Started off I work with this girl. at times her and I would talk to each other and joke around..did that numerous times. well one day I decided just to ask if she has a s/n for the computer ( I know I should've asked for phone,but I did the other) right away she gave it to me and I gave her mine.

Ever since then she acted different around me. less talkative,when I'd say something to her she'd only say a few words,where with other employees she's really talkative. for online seems like im doing most of the talking.

Well a friend told me she's really hooked on some jerkoff,so right then I was like screw it,not gonna bother anymore..so I basically stopped talking to her on line and in person,except if its something to do with work.

Lately though i've noticed her looking at me. I know it could be all in my head at times,but I caught her a few times though.like when we walk past each other even. when I ask her stuff about work she'd be all nice and smile some,same goes if she asked me stuff about work. other day I just decided to act a tad silly. she was working on something I went over to pick something up and just said " good job" she grinned and said thanks,but nothing more. I need opinions here if it could be all in my head or could she possibly like me even though after hearing other stuff??

[Zekk_T_Strife]

Typical girl thing. You stop acting interested and she'll come running to you. It's annoying at times but it seems as though when it's difficult to obtain that's when they want it the most. So it may not all be in your head. Just kind of experiment with it and see what comes of it, just don't get your hopes up. If a girl stick to chasing that which she cannot have really closely, then she's real immature and not ready for anything relatively seriousness. Good luck.

[sports1]

not trying to use this has an excuse or anything. I know how girls like to play games and all,but say the girl is shy,which this is the case,where it might be harder. what are some signs then could show interest in this case?

[aquarian]

Speaking from personal experience as a shy girl, I would say there's every chance she's interested...A few months ago a colleague of mine started showing signs of interest and at about that time, i also discovered i had feelings for him and it totally changed the way i was around him...As much as i loved it when he was around, i also just wanted to go and hide as I was sure he could read my every thought as i would turn scarlett the minute he appeared!!! I think half of my problem was that i knew how i felt, but really, was left to guess how he felt and i got myself into a bit of a cycle of avoiding him in case he noticed my blushing but wasn't interested and was just playing around with me...Anyway, a couple of days ago I bit the bullet and casually mentioned we do something when we both get a day off together (we're shift workers), and we've made plans to catch up tomorrow...Then yesterday at work i ask him if he wants me to draw a map so he knows how to get to my house and as we were both a bit busy and working in different areas he said he would come and see me later, which of course he never did, so i had to approach him on my way home in front of a couple of female colleagues who he had obviously told what we were up to as they asked about it etc, and then he asked me if i had my map for him and barely even looking at me tells me let's make it about 1 and i'll call you before i leave home...So i guess all i can say is that i've now been on both the giving and receiving ends of this odd kind of behaviour and my conclusion is that there's got to be feelings there, otherwise it wouldnt be so awkward...and one final thing...it don't get any easier as you get older as we're both in our 30's!!!!

[dazedandconfused]

my two cents (if anyone cares) - it seems to me that there are two things going on at the same time here. i was in both at some time in my life. let's break them down:
a. she likes someone else. all i have to say to that is don't worry about it. if she likes him more (which is unlikely if he's a jerk, but who knows) then she won't give you a reason to put your hopes up. if she likes you, she'll change her mind. i liked a girl that i spent some time with at the afterprom party at school. we hung out together and had a blast, but she kept asking me about my friend Paul. i didn't notice that at first. she gave me her number and we talked over the phone some. i couldn't stop thinking about her. but then she came right out and told me she's had a crush on Paul for a while now. i was bummed out. but then she started spending time with me sending me mixed messages. and after a couple of days when i was totally confused and just asked her flat out what was going on, she told me she likes me more than him. so i went out on a limb and just asked her if she'd like to go out with me, explore the possibility. she gladly accepted the offer - we started dating and it was awesome! she said i won her from Paul (he didn't consider her as more than a friend). anyways, there's always hope when she likes someone else - if you're a better, more genuine person (in your case, if you're anything better than a "jerkoff" ) - you win! but it seems like
b. she's not interested. i'm too painfully familiar with getting the cold "yes's", "no's" and "i dunno's". if she is more distant now after you made your move, she probably tries to let you know that she doesn't feel the chemistry. that's her way of not giving you false hope. she's trying to be cold and distant, she's not into you. if she likes you, she'll make you know FOR SURE. maintain a regular stance and if she grows an interest for you, she'll act on it. if you start becoming too pushy she'll only move further away and start disliking you.
maybe all i said doesn't really apply to your situation due to factors unknown to me; but from what i see that's the hand you've been dealt. hope this helps.

[sports1]

I don't know what to think still. lately its like i'm getting these signals w/ eye contact at times,where other times its avoidance like. she's still not talkative,where w/ others she is,but when she does talk its usally really nice. Maybe its nothing,but times say shes working in my section and i'm alone standing she can never stand near me,she always walks around doing other stuff,where as if someone else or others are with me it seems easier for her to stand near me then,if that has anything to do with it.
When I started up talking to her again online. I still asked the questions and so far,but she seems more talkative than usual. she'd respond within seconds a minute or 2 at times,but last night I talked to her online and she acted different. wasn't really talkative,took forever to respond,when I asked a question which ended up being my last, she didn't even respond back and got off later on. yet she also said she was tired,so could that be the reason she acted like that??

[dazedandconfused]

still, it seems to me like she is just maintaining the distance. maybe she just can't make up her mind, that's possible; but i think she's just not THAT interested. if her being shy were the reason, she'd be more open online, but it sounds like she isn't, at least not all of the time.
i think all you need to do is back off a little with the romance and just let her explore youas a friend. it sounds to me like you're an interesting person, and once she gets to know you she might feel safer with you. that'll let her entertain thoughts of maybe something more. but you easing up on her will just give her the neccessary room to think and decide. seems like she values her independence... that move will definitely put you back in the game

[sports1]

once I started talking to her again online. I don't do it every day. maybe talk one day and wait a couple of days or more. I'll ask questions like how was her day. what kind of stuff did she do,so on and i'll talk about stuff with me just to keep the convo moving along. at work i'll say whats up.simple stuff

[peshkunta]

:roll:
My friend, it seems like you are working too hard. I think, those things are supposed to happen more naturally and with less effort - especially if you are the one who is doing most of the work. It's hard to understand what's going on in a woman's head - they don't even understand themselves, so guessing is fine, but it could drive you mad. Don't strain yourself over something so unshure and take it more lightly....Yea, I know, easy for me to say.

[sports1]

to get rid of this confusion and frustration. i'm just thinking about telling her how I feel. that way i'd know for sure,and say she doesn't feel the same,well i'd just have to deal with it when seeing her around.plus she's going away to some college in a few months say maybe less. good idea or not?

[dazedandconfused]

i don't know. it sounds like a crazy idea, mut it might just be what you need at this moment. let's put it this way: if there is any interest there on her part, at least she'll know you are interested, and the ball will be in her court. but if she's not interested, she'll let you know very clear, and it might hurt you. be prepared.
the only problem i see is that if she doesn't like you enough, she'll withdraw. and odds are, she won't like you in the future. whereas if you first developed a good friendship and then made a move, that might have worked better. but if you say you're short on time, maybe that's what you gotta do.
i just know from personal experience (ouch!) that many times forcing things to happen leaves me alone, sad and with a lower self-esteem than before. but, as long as you're willing to take the risk with all of its potential dangers... give it a try!

[dazedandconfused]

so what's the verdict?

[sports1]

dazedandconfused,
I haven't decided what i'm gonna do yet

[sports1]

hi again,well I haven't told her how I felt yet,just talking to her online and same ol' thing. i'm confused on what I wanna do here. I've thought about next time she gets on just go ahead and atleast ask for her phone #. would that be a major hint that she likes me, if she gives it to me?

[Zekk_T_Strife]

Or she could just consider you two friends enough to talk it up on the phone instead of the computer.