What's wrong?

[Jay T]

On a first note I haven't posted about my problem in a while so I don't know if anyone even remembers me or my problem. However, I've been reading these forums every day or so trying to gather as much advice as I can.

But alas I've run into something I can't seem to figure out for myself... happens

I've been trying to get together with one of best friends (we have been close for about five years) for... a long while now. And here's where I am now:

She knows my feelings towards her, we've talked about them together.

I have NO IDEA how she feels towards me. Nothing, zilch, nada.

When we hang out it's... well... we usually have dinner together followed by seeing a show or something (concert or movie), or we just walk and talk together. I always walk her home.

She seems comfortable to do ANYTHING with me. We have not kissed or anything mostly because I have not tried to. I respect her greatly.

Recently I thought that I was reading the signs correctly that maybe she'd be comfortable if I went for it. Well... until she started talking to her other friend that there's a cute guy whom she's going for, right in front of me... as if she doesn't know that it hurts... bad.

I wish to know, or rather learn what this means.

Does she know it's hurting me when she talks about other guys and just doesn't give a damn? Or is she afraid that we could screw up our friendship if we date so she avoids it? Does she enjoy watching me squirm? Or ultimately does she just not see me as boyfriend material? Could she be playing a game with me?

Why won't she just straight up tell me I'm not boyfriend material for her?

And what I really really wish to know: What defines a guy as a best friend or a boyfriend or both? What makes her comfortable with me to a certain point? And if at all possible... how do I get her to look at me in the light of boyfriend material?

Lastly, I can completely understand that from her point of view it may look like I'm pussyfooting around. But there's one thing I know... if I take too big of a step forward and screw our friendship up, and I can't reverse the step, I will hate life for many years to come.

[Dasein]

Looks likes she only sees you as a friend. If she knows how you feel and doesn't reciprocate don't expect anything to change.

PS she probably says that stuff about other guys so that you get the message and she avoids saying it to you directly - pretty lame though IMO.

[elsa20]

Looks likes she only sees you as a friend. If she knows how you feel and doesn't reciprocate don't expect anything to change.

PS she probably says that stuff about other guys so that you get the message and she avoids saying it to you directly - pretty lame though IMO.

i'm on the opposite. maybe she was trying to get him jealous and urge him to express his feelings.

to the op, why did you expect her to tell you something. you didn't show anything to her,right? give her some hints,or be flirtatious. you could pretend to kid her by saying ' hey, do you think we would be a perfect couple ?' there's no reason to worry you gona ruin the friendship since you didn't and won't do anything that hurts her. my opinion.

[michzel creativ]

Some women are very choosy, everybody is a boyfriend material maybe it only depends how you carry it, she respects you as her best friend and nothing beyond those boundaries.
If you really love her, express it to her. Send her flowers, cards, and other gifts that a man courts. She's already in front of you men....don't lose her. Take Care!

[Jay T]

Thank you guys!

[IndiReloaded]

If you are certain she knows you're feelings its really one of two things:

- she *could* be more interested, but wants you to hustle for her (i.e. step up your game)

- she only sees you as a friend

Whichever it is, she obviously isn't into you enough to start chasing you herself. Which means, if you want to rule out the possibility you need to start doing Option 1. There are guys on here who can give you ideas how to do this. Be prepared to be put firmly back into the Friend Zone if she's not interested, tho. Good luck.