What do I do next?

[wiggo]

Hi all,

Im sorry if this has been asked already, but I need some advice on the following.

A friend of mine gave me a call one day when i was working late, and said come into the pub because there is a girl that wants to meet you. I didnt know who it could be, but I thought I would give it a go. I could only stay for 5 minutes, my job is a driving one, and couldnt stay long. We got introduced, spoke for a few minutes, then said our goodbyes.

Anyway, the next day, I bump into someone who new her and asked them for her number, they didnt know it, but her daughter knew it (She is engaged to the girl in question's brother). 2 hours later I get a text message off Emma, asking how I was and so on. She had asked for my number and beat me to it lol.

So over the course of the next 7 days or so, up until we had arranged to go out for a drink, we call and text each other everyday, ya know, to get to know each other a bit better. We both had the same taste in music, films and everything else.

So we go out on the friday, somewhere quiet so we can be alone, rather than with people we already knew. But after 2 drinks, we decide to go and meet all the others who were already out. We knew enough about each other to warrant this decision. But not enough it turns out.

After the drinks she comes back to mine for a few more, we listen to some music, and the next thing ya know we are kissing and cuddling on the couch, one thing leads to another and you can work out the rest. The next morning I give her a lift back to her brothers, so she can the get a lift back to hers.

I asked her via a text whether should would like to go out again later on in the night, she says yeah, but then I realise im working and have to cancel. She then says would I like to call round at hers when I finish. Looking back I should of said no, but I was so happy I said yes.

So anyway, after about a month of seeing her on a saturday, and the odd few days during the week, she says we need to slow things down a bit, It seemed to coincide with me buying her a teddy bear that said "You make me Smile" on it. We were due to go to a party the following Friday when she said that, so I said we will leave it till next week and see what happens. A few days later I get a text saying she would like me to go with her to the party. So I agree to go along after we spoke to make sure thats what she wanted. The next morning I leave as soon as I get up.

Now I should explain at this point she has a 5 year old daughter from a previous marriage, they are divorced, he used to beat her up, and last November she finished a 2 and a half year relationship with someone who used to take money off her for pot and get drunk all the time. Of course I knew all of this, so I figured the reason she thought we were moving along a bit quick was because she didnt want to get hurt again. Very understandable.

Now the funny thing is, after she said we should slow it down I started seeing more of her, weird eh lol. I would say to her are you sure, and she would say yes I am. Another month or so later she decided that I should start staying over, and as always I would say are you sure its the best thing for your daughter, the last thing she needed was for her daughter to get confused. She would again reply yes.

In the meantime I would do little things for her like, doing the dishes or making a cup of tea and so on. I never felt like I was trying to impress her, I just did it because Im a good natured person who likes to help. Little did I know it would make her feel pressurised into thinking I was gonna be there for the rest of my life. Not in a million years did I think that.

After about 3 months of seeing her, meeting her parents, even going away with her to her mum and dads caravan and staying over, playing golf with her dad, getting to know her daughter a bit more and so on, I said to her I love you. I never expected anything back in return, I just said how I felt. About a month later, she visits her best friend on a Thursday evening, they have been friends for about 25 years or so, and they have a chat about me and she then decides that she is going to tell me she loves me. She tells me she loves me on the following saturday when my next visit was due.

So after that it seems im staying over alot more, going out of my way to do things for her without even thinking about it and so on. The one day out of the blue, she texts me to say she doesnt love me anymore and wants to finish it. She said please dont call and so on. I did text her once to ask why but she never really tells me the truth I feel. Today I found out that on Friday night when we went out with some friends, she said that I wanted to marry her, I said of course I do, I love you. She then jokingly replies, If you think im gonna have my name changed again you must be joking.

So the reason ive explained everything to you is beacuse, that is basically what happened. There were times late on into the relationship that I still said are you sure I should stay over, do ya think we should slow it down beacuse it was still relatively early in the relationship, I would even get messages of her when she was out with her friends saying she missed me and would rather be at her home watching tv and having a few beers. And because of what I said to her on Friday night about the marriage thing she has been put off by me. I was drunk and never thought of actually proposing to her.

So do ya think its over, or should I try and call her, rather than a text, and really explain things to her. Looking back I can sense I was maybe pushing it a bit too, but the problem was I really cared for her.

I should mention that she said in her text when she finished with me that she isnt over her last relationship. But all im feeling is that you shouldnt look into the past, and if ya did have feelings for me then that shouldnt matter.

It may sound like nothing has happened, but she showed so much affection to me when we were together, I really thought she was the one. I never wanted her to think I would move in with her or anything like that. I was happy with the way things were going. Its just a huge shock that to think she would dump me because of a stupid comment I made when I was drunk.

Many thanks

[wiggo]

Update:

I tried to speak to her today but she wouldnt answer the phone, but we had, if ya can call it that, a meaningful conversation via text messages.

I sent a few long messages explaining how I think she felt but it was no use. She said she just loves me as a friend, and she will never have any feelings higher than that.

So oh well, life goes on. If anyone lives in the Liverpool, UK area and wants to have a chat message me lol.

Geoff

[shh!]

It sounds like over the course of your relationship, she just realized you weren't the man for her. I don't think you did anything "wrong"; sometimes it just isn't a match. Better luck next time.

[wiggo]

It sounds like over the course of your relationship, she just realized you weren't the man for her. I don't think you did anything "wrong"; sometimes it just isn't a match. Better luck next time.

Thanks for the reply shh. I think im more heart broken then I ever have been because i genuinely thought she card for me via the actions and things she did and said.

Oh well, gotta move on I suppose.

Thanks again, Wiggo (Geoff)

[michzel creativ]

There are lots of girls out their, that girl is not perfectly for you. Look for another one, if you find someone update us. And make a card for her like this one.......

[P1kaboo]

This woman has obviously had a very turbulent past, so obviously she is afraid to fall in love again, to be serious with a man again. Then she probably couldn't help it with you, and didn't stop herself thinking that she was ready for it. After that comment about marriage, maybe she began to question herself, and whether or not she was ready for another serious, committed relationship. I think the best thing to do is to move on with life, once she is ready and she feels like she wants to be with you, and you happen to not have anyone special in your life, you guys can try and work things out again.

[jen's mind]

Geoff, don't think that she broke it off because of anything you said. Women who've been through bad relationships and are carrying baggage from those relationships often can't see a good thing when it's right in front of them. Their eyes are clouded by their past experiences. You'll find someone ready and willing to receive your love and give it back in return.