my bf needs his friends more than me...

[broken_heart86]

This is not a first time we have arguments about his friends (they are girls). My bf and I haven't talked for 3 days... His close friend and he have just rent a house. That guy is staying upstairs, he is downstairs. He knows that I do hate his friend's girlfriend (cause i know that girl for 2 years - she is absolutely a terrible girl. She uses her sweet voice, her weakness to "trap" men, she told everybody that:" my parents just want money so they arrange a wedding for me with a American vietnamese oversea, i don't want to so I have to run away by being with a foreign boyfriend". what a stupid one... I don't know what she said was right or not but since I know her, she has been being with too many guys). That girl comes to that house everyday, hangout and cooks with her bf and my man. Since then, my boyfriend doesn't usually come to my house to join meals with me or he just sometimes hangout with me in my house. Every time when i went there, he just wanted to go upstairs to hangout with them. Three of them just laughed, enjoyed the time being together and left me alone. He told me that he hates her too but what I saw was very different. He always smiles with her, has sweet stories to tell, even helps her cooking (we have been being together almost 2 years but he never ever helps me to cook even I begged him to do it with me but he did not). when I ask or say something about how bad she is, he always protects her, gets angry about me and he also has a lot of reasons to explain why she becomes like that. When I was hanging out with them, I so hated her that I could not say anything. I kept quiet all the time. My bf told me that he hates her too and what he acts just being social because we are in a same room and she is his best friend's gf. Then he told me that I should change my action to her and be mature. I like the guy who is staying with my bf too but it does not mean that I have to be nice, to lie myself to that terrible girl. We had an argument just because of that terrible girl! He is never on my side. I was very disappointed and cried a lot. Does that girl have my man indirectly? He always protects his friends (girls) with a thousand reasons, I am always wrong when I say sth to him about his friends. So which position I am in his heart? his friends (girls) and me, whom is more important? am i losing him just because of his friends? or everything just because I was too jealous of girls around him??

I do love him and I know he loves me too, but I can not live like this. Please help me, please give me some advices..

[Cain]

I would never leave my girl in a room by herself so that I could go hang out with someone else. Did he invite you upstairs to hang out with them?

[elfen31]

Most certainly Cain I agree. Trust me I remember my ex constantly putting his friends ahead of me too. We would go out together and he would insist on going into another room with his friends to play rpg games and leave me in another room to entertain myself somehow.

[agatha]

You know why your bf is acting like that?
Because he knew that your insecure with the girl. That you did something obvious (saying bad about the gurl). Also, your too obvious of being jealous. Boys don't like that.

[agatha]

And maybe he finds you very boring. Be funny sometimes. Less serious, more jokes.

[Cain]

And maybe he finds you very boring. Be funny sometimes. Less serious, more jokes.

So you've managed to turn the fact that this guy's acting like an asshole into it being her fault?

[LadieNisha4u2nv]

And you are still with him because....?

[1averagejoe]

Tell him you want to suck his dick...end of that problem.

Beginning of another.


Sarcasm aside, he sounds like a real dick. This isn't your fault. He's an ass for leaving you like that. Clearly he doesn't want to change or doesn't see the need to change for you.

So your options are stay with him and deal with it, because he will not change. Or leave him and find someone better that won't treat you like that.

[ecojeanne]

first of all this is his friends gf, secondly why wld he humiliate his friends gf to prove that he doesnt like her, thirdly why r u alone...why not take upon urself to join them? it kinda sounds like uve let ur hate for this girl take over all rationality...has he asked u to join him upstaires...if he's sneaking upstaires then u do have a point

[starbuck]

First of all, he should definitely be inviting you along to hang out with him and his friends. And if he is asking you, and you're not coming along because you can't stand the girl you mentioned, then you should put your feelings aside and try to tolerate her for as long as you can (if this is possible).

Guys definitely get protective about their friends sometimes. If you tell him not to hang out with her, he might feel like you're trying to control him and resist this just out of principle. Nobody likes to be told who they should and shouldn't hang out with. That being said, there is nothing wrong with bringing up these concerns with him, but just try and do it without bashing his friends.

You might also want to point out the inconsitencies in his behavior towards her and you. If he's helping his friend cook and not you, that's pretty inconsiderate. You should let him know how you feel when he does that.

[Dasein]

Your boyfriend's loyalty should really be with you -if you are not being unreasonable that is.

Is there any way you can find out if she is there..like ringing before hand? Maybe just go over when she is not there.

I can understand that people (incl. your b/f) are telling you to be mature which I can understand BUT I can also understand people that just completely give you the sh*ts. If you just cannot stand her then the only way is to not spend time with her.

Maybe try to arrange dates with your boyfriend outside of his place and make sure the mate doesn't tag along.

[broken_heart86]

Thank you so much for your all advices. Now I know that all my reaction just pushed my bf away form me to that girl laughed at me more as I was a looser. Have to change my thinking and my reaction....

[elfen31]

Thank you so much for your all advices. Now I know that all my reaction just pushed my bf away form me to that girl laughed at me more as I was a looser. Have to change my thinking and my reaction....

It wasn't your reaction hon. It was the fact that he did not consider your feelings AT ALL.