Looking into leaving home (aka "the life of a cupid"): Arrow's update thread

[Arrow]

Well guys, situation at home has gotten unbearable. I had a terrible discussion with mom and sis (which will be referred to as "the demons" from now on) and I'm fed up with them. Our relatives took part in it and since I'm the weakest link they were all in support of them. Therefore, I'm leaving.

I can get somewhere to live in since I've got money and some goods left by my father when he died. I don't know how things will be but I feel this is necessary for my development. It has always been too "comfortable" in here. My home is a deathtrap: everything very convenient, to such an extent that, in the end, I don't feel tempted to try new things. Very much like chocolate, it tastes good but doesn't feed you.

I'll post my love adventures later but one thing is certain, things are going to change. And, given the way they look now, it's got to be for the better.

[ecojeanne]

ye it's good that you've decided to move out and become independent. Good for you. It will make such a huge difference to your confidence Arrow

[Arrow]

ye it's good that you've decided to move out and become independent. Good for you. It will make such a huge difference to your confidence Arrow

I think so.

First I need to sort some things out, separate my stuff, talk to friends about places available, go to realtors... I'm looking for something cheap but that can get me through the following years until I can move onto a better place. If I can share a place with other people it will be better, though even the best friends aren't always willing to let you in, especially because they're full of problems themselves.

I also need to make more friends to hang out or something... It seems I need people around me to shine but currently I have few of them and many are older than me, married even... I already spend time alone playing games on the PC.

Now, about girls...

1) The college girl who you've heard a lot about. After the "just friends" line I started to ignore her and act happy like I didn't care. Now she's doing the same to me, in fact she seems to make a huge effort not to look at me when I get near and when I look at her (not that I'm doing those things but sometimes coincidences happen). It's borderline comical really. And she sometimes still seats by my side at class. I sent her an email saying I was avoiding her because I didn't want her to feel bad with my friendship, to create doubt in her head, and I said we could start greeting each other again because I wanted to have a good relationship with her. I'm waiting for her to come to me now since she usually prefers to answer messages in person.

2) The other girl, school friend, I met her recently at a café and we hugged each other when we said goodbye. After that I helped her with finding a new job and loosely mentioned inviting her to a coffee. She said it could be a possibility. But when I did invite her, she didn't answer me. I hate when girls do that. If she has a boyfriend or simply can't go, why not just tell me?

3) Third girl, met her at the gym, an old colleague of mine. We've talked on MSN and one day I invited her to a drink at the gym, she said she was in a hurry because she would have dinner with girl friends (which turned out to be true anyways). We parted ways and I held her hand instead of the usual kiss (she was exercising). Yesterday I just said "hi" on MSN but she didn't answer me.

[ecojeanne]

I sent her an email saying I was avoiding her because I didn't want her to feel bad with my friendship, to create doubt in her head, and I said we could start greeting each other again because I wanted to have a good relationship with her. I'm waiting for her to come to me now since she usually prefers to answer messages in person.

2) The other girl, school friend, I met her recently at a café and we hugged each other when we said goodbye. After that I helped her with finding a new job and loosely mentioned inviting her to a coffee. She said it could be a possibility. But when I did invite her, she didn't answer me. I hate when girls do that. If she has a boyfriend or simply can't go, why not just tell me?

3) Third girl, met her at the gym, an old colleague of mine. We've talked on MSN and one day I invited her to a drink at the gym, she said she was in a hurry because she would have dinner with girl friends (which turned out to be true anyways). We parted ways and I held her hand instead of the usual kiss (she was exercising). Yesterday I just said "hi" on MSN but she didn't answer me.

arrow just to reiterate my advice from before, best not to make too much of an effort, be chilled out, not a good idea to tell her you're ignoring her lol, now she's probably annoyed with you. But she said lets be friends so, if she's ignoring you but sits beside you, well that can only be a good sign. But next time don't tell them you're being cool with them.

in regard to helping girls, just be careful, because you're so nice and want to help, some people will take advantage and just use you.

If the girl ignored you on msn then i would take it as a sign she's not interested. I think the best thing for you is to not think about it too much, which i can see you seem to be doing a lot better with. But my advice is always treat girls as if they are a male friend, but do flirt for a short period and then stop and move on, they'll be hanging on to your every word then and will likely be more interested. don't be obvious that you like them, let them work halfway

[Arrow]

arrow just to reiterate my advice from before, best not to make too much of an effort, be chilled out, not a good idea to tell her you're ignoring her lol, now she's probably annoyed with you. But she said lets be friends so, if she's ignoring you but sits beside you, well that can only be a good sign. But next time don't tell them you're being cool with them.

in regard to helping girls, just be careful, because you're so nice and want to help, some people will take advantage and just use you.

If the girl ignored you on msn then i would take it as a sign she's not interested. I think the best thing for you is to not think about it too much, which i can see you seem to be doing a lot better with. But my advice is always treat girls as if they are a male friend, but do flirt for a short period and then stop and move on, they'll be hanging on to your every word then and will likely be more interested. don't be obvious that you like them, let them work halfway

I have a big problem with that since I'm usually much more educated with girls...

[starbuck]

I think moving out of your family's house sounds great. And if you get roomates that are all similar in age and interests it could also increase your social circle, which is good for meeting new women.

And maybe once you get away from them for a while, "the demons" won't seem so evil.

[gaddes]

My mom keeps asking me to move back home,I like living on my own too much.

[doppelgaenger]

And maybe once you get away from them for a while, "the demons" won't seem so evil.

True.

[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=__r0gwxzeVE"]YouTube - Unkle - Lonely Soul[/ame]

[shh!]

I don't know how old you are, but it is RIGHT and NORMAL that you should be experiencing some interpersonal problems getting along at home if you are past the age of 18 or 20. This is nature's way of ensuring that the younger generation is motivated to strike out on their own and become adults. Don't villianize your family; they love you. It's just time for you to become independent.

[Arrow]

I don't know how old you are, but it is RIGHT and NORMAL that you should be experiencing some interpersonal problems getting along at home if you are past the age of 18 or 20. This is nature's way of ensuring that the younger generation is motivated to strike out on their own and become adults. Don't villianize your family; they love you. It's just time for you to become independent.

I don't believe they love me anymore. They've grown to love an image of what they want me to be. They don't accept my independence and act as if I was still 12. They're too strict, too serious, too concerned about money, and too recluse.

ATM I'm more worried about the girl in college, who seems to have moved away from me in class in the last two days, though we strangely and inadvertedly bump into each other sometimes. Today I met her by accident when I arrived late for class. She was with a friend. I greeted her and the friend quickly and she responded in a way that gave me hope we could become closer again.

[shh!]

I don't believe they love me anymore. They've grown to love an image of what they want me to be. They don't accept my independence and act as if I was still 12. They're too strict, too serious, too concerned about money, and too recluse.

It's also normal (although probably annoying to them) that you criticize everything about them and think you would do a much better job. Again, it's part of the "growing-up" process that propels you to independence.

They love you - they just have to adjust to the idea that some of their hopes and dreams will go unrealized. They'll get over it. It's a normal part of the "letting go" process.

[ecojeanne]

I don't believe they love me anymore. They've grown to love an image of what they want me to be. They don't accept my independence and act as if I was still 12. They're too strict, too serious, too concerned about money, and too recluse.

ATM I'm more worried about the girl in college, who seems to have moved away from me in class in the last two days, though we strangely and inadvertedly bump into each other sometimes. Today I met her by accident when I arrived late for class. She was with a friend. I greeted her and the friend quickly and she responded in a way that gave me hope we could become closer again.

Arrow, your family probably love you too much, and thats the problem, they are smothering you. Thats why its good to hear you are getting out on your own. You'll find that your perspective will change about them once you can breath freely.

In regard to the college girl, stop worrying. she said that she preferred being friends. If you worry about her too much she will go further and further away from you. Don't let yourself be used again. you said you helped her out a lot in the past and then she wanted to be just friends. If you are looking for romance, i really don't think you will find it with this girl. there are plenty of nice girls out there, take your time and focus on yourself for a while and moving out.

[michzel creativ]

Time will come and you will realize that family is so precious.

Teenager think only on there own self, like come and go... but bear in mind you will never be born without your parents.
Think again before leaving your family.

[Arrow]

Time will come and you will realize that family is so precious.

Teenager think only on there own self, like come and go... but bear in mind you will never be born without your parents.
Think again before leaving your family.

I'm sure you'd enjoy 21 years of mental abuse.

They are the main reason I take life in such a coward manner. My mother went as far as threatening my therapist. Does that says enough to you?

[Arrow]

arrow just to reiterate my advice from before, best not to make too much of an effort, be chilled out, not a good idea to tell her you're ignoring her lol, now she's probably annoyed with you. But she said lets be friends so, if she's ignoring you but sits beside you, well that can only be a good sign. But next time don't tell them you're being cool with them.

We started talking again.

I'm greeting her when we're alone and that's it for the moment. She doesn't look angry when she looks at me anymore and has started to greet me as well, even though she's moved away from me in class. Yesterday she wished me good luck in the test, asked me the correct answer for a question and lamented that she couldn't get a good grade.

The biggest problem actually is that guy who she talks to sometimes. He's the politician type, is friends with everyone, thinks he'll be the world savior, believes "in a better place"... He ends up looking more adult than the other guys and she has said in the past she was looking for a more mature guy. Thing is, he's even younger than me... He invited her to go to a meeting (a small party) organised by his political party at college so she could talk to him about some matters she keeps looking for him to discuss, but I don't know what their intentions are. If anything I need to kick him out of the fight as soon as possible. I don't like competition. Well at least they don't sit together in class and don't usually talk to each other...

I'm more mature myself even though I'm letting it slip sometimes, in the end I KNOW I'm better than him but people are too much hooked by appearances these days... And in the end he's a leftist and she said she doesn't like communists (not labelling anyone but that's what she told me).

Even then, I'm preparing to do some crazy things in order to win this girl... They don't involve killing or anything aggressive but they're very unusual by anyone's standards.