Moving on

[Asparagoose]

Just broke things off tonight. Needed some place to rant.

I don't really see what girls see in an older guy. Why do they want someone older anyway? More mature? Fine, I'll pretend to buy that. It's too innocent to argue with. Do they want someone more mature so they can feel more mature? Because they're sure as hell not on the same level with someone older. I guess in the beginning everything was great. Everything is always great in the beginning. She told me she could really understand me, and I could communicate with her so the connection was there. I really did feel like I found that one special person. She introduced me to her family, I introduced her to my family, and everyone liked each other. She wanted to move in together in 4 months when my roommate was moving out, it was almost perfect.

The one thing that killed it was her attitude and these beliefs she had. I guess she had trust issues or bad relationships in the past. It wasn't really an issue in the beginning. I thought it would just get better with time, but it only got worse. She had all these weird impressions of men. She constantly doubted my intentions and was always suspicious of everything I was doing like I didn't really care for her. When we were having sex, she thought I was just horny. I kept trying to tell her how much that hurt my feelings. She just had this idea in her head that when I wanted to have sex with her, it was because I was horny and just because of that. She didn't even want to understand why it bothered me so much. So I just lost interest. If that's the attitude she was going to have towards it, I was very turned off. Then her problem was why I didn't want to have sex anymore. I tried explaining it to her, but in one ear and out the other. She started accusing me of cheating on her or there being someone else. But I just tried to explain to her how important is was for her to realize why I wanted to have sex with her and why we were together. Nobody can really be that insecure, to not be aware of what kind of person they are and all the reasons someone has to love them.

It was other things too. My fault. I was stressed out from all the things that are going on right now with the economy and work. Maybe I didn't spend enough time or put in enough effort to really get the message across to her. But I think she didn't want to understand how it felt like for me. It just felt like she kept insulting me. How can you have sex with someone you love, but they believe you just want to have sex but don't love them? Even outside of sex, she thought I was with her because of the way she looked and kept questioning my intentions. I don't get it. She wasn't an insecure person, at least it didn't seem that way. I tried telling her that that's like me constantly thinking that she's with me because of my money. I just said it as an example to show her how it feels and she totally flipped and started defending herself and then attacking me.

Sigh. Too much to handle. Too draining on me emotionally. I don't regret giving up on the cause. I raised my hands in celebration after we broke up and got off the phone. I don't think I was actually this happy since the Knicks made it to the playoffs. At least for now, I'm more relieved than upset. I just concluded that it's probably very ambitious to expect someone more than 5 years younger than you to have the same level of maturity. What I still don't understand is how can someone be that insecure with themselves and doubt their own self? Some people that have nothing to offer but are completely content with themselves, and then people who are just amazing but completely insecure? Isn't there something wrong there? Why? That's what I still want to know.

[idoubtit]

God for a moment I thought you were talking about me!(kidding)

I guess guys and gals are really different animals.

calm down and think this way:

1) Did you really spend enough quality time with her recently, except for having sex with her?
If having sex is the main thing you did with her, no wonder she would have some doubts. Other than sex, do you guys have any deeper communications about each other's feelings, stress, future plans about life? Did you really open up to her?

2) when you are stressed with your work and are busy, did you just disappear? or you let her know your situation, explained to her why you could be busy and would spend less time with her?
If you just disappear and don't explain, of course you are leaving all the room for her imaginations. Most women don't feel insecure if the guy doesn't share his thoughts with her much or often. It doesn't matter if she is an excellent person or not. For some guys, maybe work is everything, but for many women, love is everything. If she needs love, you need to let her feel your love. Sex doesn't help a lot here.

3) Are you sure you really deeply love her? If you really love a person, if you see her being tortured by uncertainty, the first thing you do is not to comfort her and let her feel your love, but to get angry and pissed off? Plus, she is 5 years younger than you, I guess she is looking for a big brother type guy who can always support her, spoil her when she needs, that's why she wants to be with you. Don't expect her to be as mature as you. Your life experiences are not of the same level.

If you still love her, you should be more considerate and think more for her. You should be more patient on the explanation and communication part. I believe that she must be hurt a lot from this, maybe more than you.
But if you dont want to and can not play a "big brother" role and spoil her the way she wants to, just let her go.

[shh!]

Whatever your problems were, I doubt it was the 5 year age gap. In fact, I wouldn't have even considered you to be an "older man".

It sounds like you just weren't a match.

[Asparagoose]

1) Did you really spend enough quality time with her recently, except for having sex with her?
If having sex is the main thing you did with her, no wonder she would have some doubts. Other than sex, do you guys have any deeper communications about each other's feelings, stress, future plans about life? Did you really open up to her?

2) when you are stressed with your work and are busy, did you just disappear? or you let her know your situation, explained to her why you could be busy and would spend less time with her?
If you just disappear and don't explain, of course you are leaving all the room for her imaginations. Most women don't feel insecure if the guy doesn't share his thoughts with her much or often. It doesn't matter if she is an excellent person or not. For some guys, maybe work is everything, but for many women, love is everything. If she needs love, you need to let her feel your love. Sex doesn't help a lot here.

3) Are you sure you really deeply love her? If you really love a person, if you see her being tortured by uncertainty, the first thing you do is not to comfort her and let her feel your love, but to get angry and pissed off? Plus, she is 5 years younger than you, I guess she is looking for a big brother type guy who can always support her, spoil her when she needs, that's why she wants to be with you. Don't expect her to be as mature as you. Your life experiences are not of the same level.

Now I feel bad all of a sudden.

1) Yes. Sex is not a major part of a relationship. It's important, but it's not major. Considering that I don't have all the time in the world given my work, we spent nearly most of my free time together. We went to Virginia for one weekend, I took her shopping, we went to the spa together a couple of times. We went out with her friends all the time on the weekends. We went over her parent's place out in Long Island a couple of times. We talked about our future on a serious level. I was the one who brought up moving in together! As far as stress, I don't really like to project my stress on to other people. I have enough stress as it is, I know the last thing I want is someone projecting their stress and negativity on to me. So I didn't really let her feel anything negative or stressful that was going on with me. That's not just with her. That's the way I am in general. As far as feelings, I could swear she was brain dead when I was talking about how I feel. It's like the way I felt didn't matter at all to her. Despite me being the busier of the two, I would actually listen and try and understand when she was talking.

2) When I wasn't that busy, nearly all of my free time I would spend with her. When I got a little busy, how on earth would there be enough time for her and someone else? It was logistically impossible! She was just being paranoid. I just brought sex up as an example. It's not like all we did was have sex. That's just where I really saw her attitude towards things come out the most. I don't think she really understood what it means to work. That and, she didn't believe that I felt the way I did about her. I guess she was just hurt really bad in the past and couldn't trust anyone again. But she has to get over that eventually doesn't she? It's not fair to me now is it?

3) Oh, I comforted her alright. Everyone at work who saw us together kept calling me whipped or an idiot. They would all make fun of me endlessly for caring to her every emotional need like it somehow made me less of a man. I didn't really care what they thought, because I cared more about how she felt. Yes, that's what bothers me. I don't date people or sleep with people I don't love. I'm not that kind of person. But she kept thinking and treating me as if I was! And it hurts when the person you love has that kind of idea and respect for you. That's something she could never understand. I can walk away and know that I honestly tried. I don't think she was looking for a big brother type though. That's why I felt the way I did about her. She was focused and hardworking. Her father died when she was 15 and her mother had to raise her and her 2 sisters all by herself. She didn't ever want to take that same risk again in life. She wanted to be more than just independent, but able to raise a whole family on her own in case something ever happened.

I really appreciate the input idoubtit

What bothers me the most is knowing that she was just this really amazing person. But I couldn't figure out how to make things work out between us in the long run. It's too late to fix things now, but I still can't figure it out. Why she was like this.

[Asparagoose]

Whatever your problems were, I doubt it was the 5 year age gap.

Why do you doubt it? She still had no idea about priorities in life. She didn't understand what it meant to work. Her plans about the future were largely based on fantasy, not reality. Sure I might not be a grandpa. But she was still a little girl who didn't wake up yet to see how the real world is. She still lived in her own world of her parents paying for her and going to school. She lacked the understanding to appreciate the time we spent together. She didn't even understand why I felt the way I did about her. Constantly doubting her own self and feeling insecure as if she had nothing to offer in the relationship.

If anything, I would say the age gap was the biggest problem. I don't see why you're taking it so personally. You're not a 22 year old woman or a parent of someone around that age are you? I thought you were much older. Unless I'm thinking of someone else. If I am, I'm sorry. It just made me realize that it's very ambitious to expect a girl to be a woman. Just because you want a serious relationship doesn't mean you're going to get it. I was never one to put much weight on age before, but this whole thing got me to question that way of thinking.

[LadieNisha4u2nv]

She kinda sounds like me. Here are my reasons for acting this way.

Whenever my ex and I would argue, we'd stop talking. Then either the next day or a couple days later, he calls, acts like everything's cool, and pops the question about when are we going to have sex. Then when I'd confront him and ask him if its all he wanted he would say no and he started getting mad cuz I kept accusing him of only wanting sex from me. On top of it, sex was the only time I saw a smile on his face. It's like the only time we really connected. Even right after I felt alone. You cant blame me for feeling this way if during sex is the only time I feel loved by you.

Alot of men get mad when I tell them I dont trust all men because of what I've been put through. I've had so much done to me, it's hard to trust a man after alot in the past has done it. There was a guy I dated who was the first guy I gave my full trust to. I thought the love was genuine seriously, I doubted everything people would tell me about him cuz I didnt see him to be the type of guy they said he was. I thought they just wanted us to break up cuz they always ended it with "You can do better, so you should come to me". So little did I know, he was cheating on me with at least 4 different girls. No, not just ****ing them, but in a relationship with them as well. So I confronted him about it, he got defensive, started telling me to stop calling him, and even put his father on the phone to tell me to leave him alone. That had me crushed for such a long time, it's not funny. Up to this day, I still get heartbroken that he even did that. That is one of the many heartbreaks that have been done to me. On top of it, I witness my own brothers being into infidelity. How do you expect that to affect me as a woman? To see my own flesh and blood taking part in infidelity. It hurts, like alot. So when the current guy shows signs that past guys have shown, I get defensive and scared of being hurt so I go into accusing mode. Do you think I want to feel this way? No, I dont. I want to trust my man, and I want to love him with no form of being afraid that he will do me wrong, but it is hard when you've been hurt so much in the past. What makes you so different from the rest like you claim to be? Show me what makes you trustworthy,respectable,and honest. Show me that my POV on men is completely WRONG. Gigabitch had/has up this quote about women wanting to be proven that they're not all the same, and it's true. So as much as men may get mad, alot dont understand how hard it is to break free from the past hurt. It's up to the man to prove to the girl that there's a difference. If you feel she's worth the hassle, you'd do it. It'll get you farther than you think. I have yet to be proven wrong, and I hope one day there will be someone to treat me the way I deserve to be treated.

[Asparagoose]

She kinda sounds like me. Here are my reasons for acting this way.

Whenever my ex and I would argue, we'd stop talking. Then either the next day or a couple days later, he calls, acts like everything's cool, and pops the question about when are we going to have sex. Then when I'd confront him and ask him if its all he wanted he would say no and he started getting mad cuz I kept accusing him of only wanting sex from me. On top of it, sex was the only time I saw a smile on his face. It's like the only time we really connected. Even right after I felt alone. You cant blame me for feeling this way if during sex is the only time I feel loved by you.

Alot of men get mad when I tell them I dont trust all men because of what I've been put through. I've had so much done to me, it's hard to trust a man after alot in the past has done it. There was a guy I dated who was the first guy I gave my full trust to. I thought the love was genuine seriously, I doubted everything people would tell me about him cuz I didnt see him to be the type of guy they said he was. I thought they just wanted us to break up cuz they always ended it with "You can do better, so you should come to me". So little did I know, he was cheating on me with at least 4 different girls. No, not just ****ing them, but in a relationship with them as well. So I confronted him about it, he got defensive, started telling me to stop calling him, and even put his father on the phone to tell me to leave him alone. That had me crushed for such a long time, it's not funny. Up to this day, I still get heartbroken that he even did that. That is one of the many heartbreaks that have been done to me. On top of it, I witness my own brothers being into infidelity. How do you expect that to affect me as a woman? To see my own flesh and blood taking part in infidelity. It hurts, like alot. So when the current guy shows signs that past guys have shown, I get defensive and scared of being hurt so I go into accusing mode. Do you think I want to feel this way? No, I dont. I want to trust my man, and I want to love him with no form of being afraid that he will do me wrong, but it is hard when you've been hurt so much in the past. What makes you so different from the rest like you claim to be? Show me what makes you trustworthy,respectable,and honest. Show me that my POV on men is completely WRONG. Gigabitch had/has up this quote about women wanting to be proven that they're not all the same, and it's true. So as much as men may get mad, alot dont understand how hard it is to break free from the past hurt. It's up to the man to prove to the girl that there's a difference. If you feel she's worth the hassle, you'd do it. It'll get you farther than you think. I have yet to be proven wrong, and I hope one day there will be someone to treat me the way I deserve to be treated.

Thanks LadieNisha4u2nv

That was a really great post! I see what you mean. And you're right.

The thing that bothers me though is that that's not who I am. Really. I don't care if you believe me or not, that's not the type of person I am. I've never cheated in my life and nor do I plan to. Cheaters aspire to cheat. I don't exactly have it as one of my goals in life. Yes. I'm a guy, I talk with other guys, I know what goes on in the heads of most of them. They look at someone, she's hot, they just want to have sex. They're dating someone, and they'll fake an entire relationship for years if they have to just because they want to have sex. That's not the type of person I am.

After your post, I just realized how hard it is for any woman to come to accept that. The belief that all men are a certain way is practically like a religion or political affiliation. Yes, it comes from being hurt. But when you meet someone new, someone who didn't hurt you, someone who isn't anything like the person who hurt you in the past, are you really being fair to them to treat them that way? I know that if I was a woman though, I'd probably think the same way and be just as cautious and guarded. But I don't think I'd ever cross the line and get disconnected from the way things actually are.

What bothered me was that she was treating me like something I wasn't. I genuinely loved her and cared for her. All I wanted was to see her happy. I loved spending all my free time with her. I absolutely loved it. If she could only understand how in love I was with who she was. Her character was just amazing. I just felt like the luckiest guy in the world. And she believed that I was just lying to her or that all I cared about was sex or the way she looked? How do you think that's supposed to make me feel? How do you think it feels to be accused of cheating on someone you try and make time just to get to see?

That's stuff she never thought about. Because it was easier to think about how she was hurt in the past and toss me into that generalization she had formed in her mind about all men. God knows how many other guys she's tossed into that category. It's not like I broke up from a series of outstanding relationships myself. We've all been hurt in the past. I've been taken advantage of, but I wasn't suspicious or doubtful towards her.

In what way could I have better communicated to her how I really felt? What real chance was there of her believing or understanding me anyway with that belief about all men in her head? It's not just me. On this site alone, AJ1 and Tedel, just to name a few. The only few I really know for sure. I'm sure if I spent more time here there would be a bigger list. I think she was just so hurt from her past, and formed this grim idea and generalization about men in her mind that it was just pointless. There are so many men out there to prove that generalization wrong. The only question is if someone is ready to admit that what they believe about men doesn't apply all the time. If she wasn't not ready to admit that, to accept that the idea she had in her head was wrong, then there's obviously no chance of proving her wrong. What point was there in trying any harder?

What would have you done if you were me? Besides talking. What would you have actually said? What would you want to see from someone to show you that he's serious. I don't think she really even knows the answer to that question. That's what I mean. She doesn't want to accept how wrong she is about men. It's just easier for her to be guarded and thinking about the people who hurt her in the past. But that's not fair to me.

[LadieNisha4u2nv]

Asparagoose, she has to learn to let go. It is going to be a VERY hard process, but she will do it eventually and learn to appreciate the good men in her life. One day, she will end a ****ed up relationship, and have the ability to brush it off without hurting future men. I want to do that, and I know I will one day. I know the good men dont deserve it, but I am too afraid to take the step back into the trust pool. Not only am I afraid, but my mind wont allow me to. I have to convince myself that not all men are dogs. This is something we have to do on our own. She means no harm Asparagoose, I promise you that much. She just has to learn to let go of the bad and move on with the good. I wish her luck and I wish you luck in finding someone with less trusting issues.

[shh!]

Why do you doubt it? She still had no idea about priorities in life. She didn't understand what it meant to work. Her plans about the future were largely based on fantasy, not reality. .

The problems sounds more like her being immature rather than the 5 year age gap. Don't you see the difference? A lot of 23 year olds would be okay to date a 28 year old. She wasn't because of her immaturity. You are globalizing a local problem.

[GrkScorp]

Now I feel bad all of a sudden.

You should feel bad you asshole.. lol.. I'm just kidding..

Call me up you whiny b*tch and let's go drink it off..

1) Considering that I don't have all the time in the world given my work, we spent nearly most of my free time together. We went to Virginia for one weekend, I took her shopping, we went to the spa together a couple of times. We went out with her friends all the time on the weekends. We went over her parent's place out in Long Island a couple of times. We talked about our future on a serious level. I was the one who brought up moving in together!

Yeah.., sounds like you were being taken for a ride.. Shame on you..

2) When I wasn't that busy, nearly all of my free time I would spend with her. When I got a little busy, how on earth would there be enough time for her and someone else? It was logistically impossible! She was just being paranoid.

Hmm.. What's a good metaphor for this?

I remember when by father would beat me silly for spending too much time reading and not enough time doing chores around the house.. You have to love Greek parenting.. anyway..

One day he came back.., and the entire house was spotless.., I really mean it.. Plants watered.., beds made.., floors clean.., trash out.., kitchen clean.. There was one fcukn' cup on the kitchen counter because I drank a glass of milk after I was done.., and I forgot to put it in the dishwasher.. He came home.., saw me in my room reading.., he took of his belt and proceeded with his parenting..

I spent the whole day trying to fix everything.., and he thought I wasn't doing sh*t all day.., just reading.., and didn't even come downstairs to put one lousy cup in the dishwasher.. He thought someone else had taken care of everything.. As you can imagine.., I was insulted.. I couldn't even bother explaining myself because he wouldn't even believe me.. The idea was deeply ingrained in his mind that I didn't do sh*t all day.. It wasn't until my mother got home and explained to him what a mess the house was and that she didn't bother to clean it so it must have been me.. And even then.., he felt too ashamed to even apologize for what he did..

But honestly.., how was he to KNOW? Do you see what I'm saying? He didn't know what I was doing all day.. For all he knew.., he came home.., saw a cup on the counter.., saw me reading.., and rushed to some conclusion..

Sure.., YOU knew what you were doing.., but SHE didn't know what you were doing.. For as far as she's concerned.., you could have been lying to her about going to work and really been with someone else all that time.. To you that seems paranoid.., to her it seems cautious and rational.. It's all a matter of perspective and available information..

3) Oh, I comforted her alright. Everyone at work who saw us together kept calling me whipped or an idiot. They would all make fun of me endlessly for caring to her every emotional need like it somehow made me less of a man. I didn't really care what they thought, because I cared more about how she felt. Yes, that's what bothers me. I don't date people or sleep with people I don't love. I'm not that kind of person. But she kept thinking and treating me as if I was! And it hurts when the person you love has that kind of idea and respect for you. That's something she could never understand. I can walk away and know that I honestly tried.

I know what you mean.., I have been like that sometimes.., but it still wouldn't stop me from making fun of you endlessly either..

Again.., how does SHE know? Contrary to what she believes and prides herself on.., her intuition is a load of bullsh*t.. She might say "I know" or "I can feel" or "I'm sure".. but if you ask her to put money down or wager her life on it.., all that certainty disappears.. Because she's not certain.., it's just a hunch.., just a gamble.. and when it's wrong.., ehh.., it doesn't count.., but when it's right.., Aha! She knew it! She told you! She was right!

It's the mama-knows-best effect.. Only mama doesn't really know anything.. And when it comes to men in her life.., she doesn't just doubt them.., but she doubts herself! Who takes the time to make a list of why they're so great? How vain would that be? Do you remember making your first resume' with a summary section? That was quite honestly the hardest thing to put together.. Who knows why other people like you? There could be a million reasons.., all possible.. Add to that gossip and stereotypes.., and it's easy to think that every guy that comes her way just likes her because of the way she looks and just wants to get into her pants.. That's just common sense.. and it's common sense for her to feel guarded..

Imagine the market for dating like eBay..

Women are selling themselves.., and the way you buy is by giving them yourself in return.. yeah yeah... take a moment of (aww..)

Only.., the buyer pays all shipping costs.., insurance.., and all other related transaction costs because it's the gentlemanly thing to do..

Some women have a "Buy Now" option.., others might not say so explicitly.., but if you message the seller.., the two of you can come to some kind of agreement.. Or.., you can offend the seller and she won't think of selling to you anymore.. Women who don't have a "Buy Now" option or aren't willing to come to an agreement.., hate the women that do.. because those women are able to find buyers more quickly..

The highest bidder wins..

And there's a catch! Nobody wants a used product.. The more a seller sells.., the less valuable her product is.. And that's because not too many buyers want to marry something used.. So you can expect all sellers to advertise and swear up and down that they have only been used by only.., (2-4 other people)..

One more catch! eBay fraud! There's news on eBay that urges all sellers to be careful.., because 80% of all buyers won't actually make good on their end of the deal! That means they'll use the product.., maybe send it back or dump it.., but will never truly offer themselves in return.. Scam alert! And nobody likes to get scammed..

So.., now.., if you're a seller.. What do you do? How do you feel when someone bids on you? You feel skeptical.., suspicious.., doubtful.., cautious.., guarded.., defensive.. And you don't really know who you're rightfully or wrongfully rejecting.., you don't even know who you're rightfully or wrongfully accepting.. It's a huge risk you have to take when you know that just 1 in 5 will be honest.., and 4 in 5 won't..

For buyers like you.., they pay the shipping costs.., insurance.., and all related transaction costs.., and eventually get the "I'm sorry.., but I've found an other buyer" or "I'm sorry.., but this item is no longer for sale".. And yes.., it's insulting and frustrating.., to be treated like someone dishonest even though you're not.. But do try and understand the other POV!

This is how the dating market works.. Because with an 80% chance of being hurt.., sooner or later.., she's going to get hurt.., and when she does.., she'll start to take on some beliefs and hold them as true for ALL men.., because they apply 80% of the time! and because it's easier to be guarded and protect yourself than it is to be open and give everyone a fair chance.. Nobody wants to get scammed.., much less for a second or third time..

What bothers me the most is knowing that she was just this really amazing person. But I couldn't figure out how to make things work out between us in the long run. It's too late to fix things now, but I still can't figure it out. Why she was like this.

What bothers me about Jaguars is that they're such amazing cars but have the nastiest of transmission problems..

There's more than one seller.., and honestly.., emotionally they all come in different flavors.., but physically.., they're all pretty much the same.. Look.., unless she looks like:



You're not dating her because of her looks or sex.., and it's wishful thinking on her part to think that you are.., like a bum thinking you're dating him because of his money.. but it won't change the fact that she still feels that way.. If it really bothers you and you feel it's not something she'll ever get over.., then just leave her and find someone else.. You can't have a relationship with someone where there's no respect or trust towards each other.. And you can't hope to change people who find it almost impossible to trust again..

Also.., I've dated 18 & 19 year old girls more mature than that.. Age IS just a number.., for someone her age.., she has no excuse.., she just sounds overly sheltered and not like she's stepped foot in the real world yet..

Actuarially speaking.., the younger she is.., the less risk you're taking on of her being damaged or hurt from previous relationships.. But maturity is a matter of "life exposure".., not age.. Someone 40 can be immature.., and someone who's just 18 can be very mature.. Age and life exposure usually go hand and hand.., usually.., but not always.. So I wouldn't be too quick on deleting that rule of thumb about age just yet..

[Mish]

In my experience I found that not many women know what goes on inside their guys head. Some things need to be spelled out in layman terms to them. Like "I want to make love to you (not sex) because I love you so much", I found that using simple words that equal feelings to physical act works well and noone questions your intentions after that. With women, it's all about getting them into that special mood. If you can do that, not much else really matters.

Well, for what it's worth congrats on realizing that she's not a good match and being free. You'll find someone better

[LadieNisha4u2nv]

Yea the thing for me is I like to be told straight up how my guy feels about me. It makes me feel better. I rather you tell me it than I assume it and it turns out not true. I hate assuming. I want you to let me know how you feel. The simple things will gain my trust, but so much guys dont even do it. It's so simple....make me feel special...show me that I'm what you really want....and its not out of buying things...more so just with your actions and words....and its guaranteed I'd be very happy. Just listing that made me feel good inside. If only there were guys like that though.

[angelbaby]

Hey guys...its my first time to read this love forum. I just went to some crisis with my bf. And i think the girls you mentioned is exactly like me.

My boyfriend is older than me for 6yrs, and because of my insecurity, he didn't want to talk to me anymore.

When woman feel insecure, most of the time is because of the man who dun communicate effectively with her. And woman need reassurance. Just a little three words everyday and spend quality time together can keep us very happy and secure. And if we feel happy, we will give u the thing u want too. But if the balance is off, then, the woman will become unreasonable and paranoid. And the man will feel unloved and untrusted....

I just wish everyone will find a true lover. I do believe in age gap, but i think there are things that could do to bridge the gap if both love each other.

For myself, nx time, i will always try to be supportive to my bf, rather than paranoid and thinking negative.

[bluesummer]

Her insecurity MIGHT be a product of her age, or just her maturity level in general. I've met beautiful, successful, charming women in their 30's and 40's that can't keep a man....either because they're soooo insecure, or they're too into themselves. They may have many great traits, but in the end, insecurity is a massive relationship-killer.

Bottom line is, insecurity is not something you can fix for her with words and actions. You could've given her everything and professed your undying love and sang praise of her beauty on a daily basis......but if she didn't believe it herself, it would be worth nothing. She needs to grow up and find her own self worth before she'll be ready for a relationship. It's too bad it didn't work out for you, but you're better off in the long run.