I didn't know I was a Codependent

[Yacker]

I've heard the term, didn't really know what it meant. I recently reflected a lot on myself and the relationships I've went through and did some searching and came up with this.

[URL="http://www.soulselfhelp.on.ca/codependencea.html"]http://www.soulselfhelp.on.ca/codependencea.html[/URL]

It seems to show everything I do. Trying to guess what people are going to do. It takes me a while to open up and talk to people. I can never just shoot the shit with someone I don't know. I never thought I was one with self-esteem issues but it all feels so engraved in my way of thinking. I don't know many people and tend to be a loner in some ways, but when in a relationship I always seem to have same sort of moods that my partner goes through even if it has nothing to do with me. The whole thing just scares me and I want to get rid of it. I think it would change my life dramatically if I could figure out what exactly the core issue is. I remember when my relationships were going well I would be so motivated and happy and doing things to better myself. Now I just feel empty.

Has anyone had to deal with this before and what did you do to overcome it? I feel like it hinders me to be really truly happy and content with myself and being alone. Hinders my social networking as well.

[shh!]

I think the term "co-dependent" is just a bunch of psycho-babble for poor self-esteem, so I suggest you work on ways to improve your self esteem. Take up hobbies you are interested in and add meaning to your life. Do something for other people, expecting nothing in return (i.e. volunteer work); it's good for the soul. Exercise regularly, and eat healthy meals. Educate yourself. Join a book club. If you need a bit of counseling, then get some, but be careful not to let it define your life. Avoid intimate relationships until you are emotionally healthy.

When you respect the person you are becoming, your self esteem will improve, along with your co-dependency.

[1averagejoe]

I agree with Shh!...

A lot of what you're going through has to do with self esteem issues. I went through the same thing, still am a little bit. You need to learn to open up to others and be more confident. There's no easy way around this. You've just got to do it and eventually it will get easier and easier. Learn to be your own person and not depend on others to make yourself happy.

Start with hobbies or working out. Get to know people and start hanging out with them. Learn to hold a conversation with them. The key to this is learning to be happy with yourself. You don't need someone else to make you happy. Once you've learned to make yourself happy, find someone to SHARE that happiness with someone else.

[jen's mind]

Codependency goes beyond mere self-esteem issues. It's deeply rooted in childhood experience, particularly amongst children of alcoholics. Codependency is very real, but can be overcome. Recognizing that you are prone to codependent behavior is key, so congratulations for taking an honest look at yourself.

Melody Beattie is the foremost author on the subject of codependency. She wrote Codependent No More and Beyond Codependency, two of the most widely-read books on the subject. She also wrote The Language of Letting Go, which I highly recommend for you. (The title alone probably resonates with you, right?) It focuses on overcoming codependency rather than simply identifying its root causes and manifestations. Honestly, I credit this book for enabling me to overcome my own codependency. I encourage you to check it out.

Good luck!

[michzel creativ]

Me too I've got this kind of feelings sometimes, especially when there is so many people around me listening to my stories or talking to me. That's why I registered to this forum so that I can express my thoughts and feelings.

[Tedel]

If you need a bit of counseling, then get some, but be careful not to let it define your life.

+1, preferrably look for a friend.

I personally thing that anything that bears the words self-help or self-esteem are just useless. You see, people are not able to write books that solve everybody's lives. It is impossible. They can just give you a couple of tips, but, all in all, following everybody else's tips will make you everything but an authentic person.

All self-esteem thinking can be, in my opinion, summarized in just a couple of lines: We all are what we are because we have a background and a circumstance. We can become something else because we have some discomfort and some reason.

After you get this, you can pick up a piece of paper, make a list of what you want to become and just become that. It is not a matter of being silly. You may have a wish, but you still have a background and a circunstance to consider. It will never be as easy as making magic.

[datingtutorials]

Hello,

It is required that you really WORK on sorting those personal issues related to your inner-self.

Either seek help from a professioanal or get a bunch of articles on this and study them yourself, for the beginning.

It will help you feel much better about yourself, and then you will feel that way to others, too. Guaranteed.



Good luck.