Letting understand what I want too soon?

[BillyJean]

Hello, a friend of mine just scolded me because I made a guy understand that I suffered because he didn't call for some time. She says women have to play tricks in order to get men, and being just honest doesn't pay.
What can I do? I really liked the guy who doesn't call, but I was so hurt by his behavior that I don't know if I want to have something with him if he decides he wants to see me more. Do I have to learn new tricks?

[excowho]

Sounds like your friends immature,
leave your games in kindergarten.

Solid relationships are built on communication and trust, if you don't have those at the start then the relationship probably won't work.

I believe you were right in telling him. Depending on how he reciprocates should determine your stance on a relationship with him.

[Charlie Boy II]

yeah but still you need to keep a lid on things in the early stages, at least for the first month or so. The less emotion you show, the stonger position it puts you in.

[theguruofdating]

I certainly understand your confusion! You may not know it but this is a normal problem that most guys and women deal with. It's normal to feel uncertain or even anxious when you are interested with someone and you're not sure if your feelings for them are reciprocated or not. As I tell my coaching members, I think your best bet is to be honest and upfront, which it seems like you are doing by telling him that you were hurt by his lack of response. There are several important questions that I would want to know: How long have you known this guy? What has been the extent of your interactions to this point? Has he communicated any interest in you more than a friend? How does he usually treat women?
I can certainly tell you that your girlfriend is giving you HORRIBLE advice. Decide for yourself: Do you want a real relationship where you are valued and accepted for who you are, or do you want a relationship where you have to perform, play games, and hide your true self? When people play games they never get what they want in the long run, and you'll find they're either alone or in a different relationship repeatedly because "it just never seems to work out".
You approach is appropriate and mature. It's hard to be vulnerable enough to let people know what we're genuinely thinking and feeling in the moment, and you took the RISK to do that. You can read more on that at lexaape.com if you'd like, which is my website where I have a lot of different blogs regarding dating and relationships, and I think you'll find it to be a great resource for you.
You are right in that you may not get what you want from this guy, even if he does come around and expresses the interest you seem to be seeking. Like I tell the women like you that I coach, it's always better to repel more than you attract because that way you automatically weed out the jokers, players, and losers who don't genuinely care about you and will only waste your time. I wonder, what was his response when you told him how you felt? Was he receptive? Apologetic? Defensive? His response will be a good signpost as to what future you could potentially have with this guy. More so, it will tell you about his character which is more important because it will give you the necessary information to decide if YOU want to invest your precious time with him. Keep me posted!

[BillyJean]

There are several important questions that I would want to know: How long have you known this guy? What has been the extent of your interactions to this point? Has he communicated any interest in you more than a friend? How does he usually treat women?

I wonder, what was his response when you told him how you felt? Was he receptive? Apologetic? Defensive? His response will be a good signpost as to what future you could potentially have with this guy. [/QUOTE]

Hey thanxx!!

well, we have been in the same small community for 5 months, then we lived in the same house for 3 months, during 1 he was sleeping with this other girl (not serious, and at the same time he had a long distance relationship, he said he was not very motivated and left her as soon as he could meet her)
but, I mean, it is not like he hadn't enough time to know me or to think about it. 4 weeks ago he started acting funny, like he cared, then he made a move and we have been together for 2 days, then he had to leave to another town for 3 months, and he didn't call or anything for a week.

After I told him he hurt me he was kind of apologetic, but two days later he complained about it, writing : "if I don't call at the right time you just kill me", which shows he completely missed the point.
Now he communicated for 2 days, skype, etc, and yesterday he sent a 4 words- email with "kisses", but I still feel there is something wrong. (He wrote he "didn't think too much about it" (making the first move) and i thought that was awful)

I feel mostly ignored, although I secretly wish he just needs more time than me to fall in love (? more time than 3 months?) but it doesn't seem there's much hope. I am going to talk to some friends of his to know about his previous relationships because I don't know his habitual behavior. They say Pisces need their freedom, but I don't know if I am leaving him his freedom or if I am just being neglected. I still don't want to be the hysterical kind of gal "you didn't call me enough, it s over", but that is what I feel right now.

[BillyJean]

Also I forgot: I have a disability, some days I cannot walk and my life can be very miserable. He knew everything about it, so how could he think to have something superficial with somebody like me?