I am living with BF and he keeps many photos of his ex- should I say anything?

[gretsch]

We just moved in together and have been talking marriage etc.. He and I got togeter shortly after the breakup of him and fiancee' who lived here prior. We now share one computer and I admittedly looked in his photos and saw many photos with her, and thier families , some nude photos- Im not upset as I realize he had a life with someone prior but I feel like it is inappropriate to hang on to these pictures. I never said anything but Im hoping he deletes them, There are notes, photos and her stuff still in the attic too, as Im trying to now clear a spot for my stuff- Is it wrong on my part to expect this? Im not the jealous type but it still makes me feel bad to have this in my home

[vashti]

I think it is wrong to ask him to get rid of the photos. They represent a significant portion of his life, and shouldn't be thrown out like last night's garbage.

However, it seems inappropriate to store them on your computer. Maybe you can ask him to burn them to a disk and store them in the attic.

[snoz]

I kept a few photos of my exes not so much for holding on to them but kinda to remind myself of the time I spent with them love OR hate and pretty much just to have a little chuckle here and there. The photos of them and the family he once had probably still have an impact on him but if he's hanging on to them on a computer that he knows you can access then I would probably confront him about it.

Part about the nude photos is definitely a worry (talk to him about that) can't really give you my advice as I respect myself and the other girls enough to delete or destroy photos of this nature.

I'm not sure about the nature of the breakup or how long it's been since the breakup... it could help you to understand him a bit more. If the break up is recent and he was on the bad end of things then he's probably still in denial.. else he's a trophy whore.

[Illusional]

personally i wouldn't keep pictures of the past because they are the past. people should live in the present, but if he really needs to hold onto these memories, he should keep them in his mind, not on his hard drive.

raverboy

[dave0087]

think you should just tell him that it bothers u but don't make a big deal about it cause you don't want to drive him into secret fantasies/remembrances of his ex's

[bluesummer]

I know my fiance has pics of his exes, as I do. The way I justify it is that those pics represent parts of our lives, and memories. Those parts of our lives were significant in their own ways, and we shouldn't be forced to cut them out to bolster someone else's insecurity.

I would definitely object to naked pics though. No reason to keep those. A little disrespectful, in fact.

[starbuck]

I don't think it's totally inappropriate for him to hang onto the pictures, even the nude ones could be ok depending on the degree of the nudity. How nude are we talking, here? Like spread eagled on the bed butt-naked under fluorescent lighting? Or just more demurely topless?

If it's a space issue, then you have a right to tell him to make space for you somehow, and leave it up to him as to what he gets rid of. I had an ex whose apartment was packed to the gills before we met and I barely could fit my stuff in there. 90% of the fights we had were about space. You deserve to feel like you have a place in your living space.

[IndiReloaded]

The photos should not be displayed. If they are stored, then no problem.

[bluesummer]

I don't get it....you guys are really okay with your significant other keeping naked pics of an ex? That's just not necessary.

I draw the line there.

[vashti]

I guess my thinking is that if old momentos are stored away in the attic, they aren't being looked at routinely. I wasn't really referring to the naked pictures. Honestly, I don't understand why women do that to themselves. It never goes well when naked pictures are floating around.

[starbuck]

I don't get it....you guys are really okay with your significant other keeping naked pics of an ex? That's just not necessary.

I draw the line there.

I'd be ok with a topless pic. Fully nude or explicit I'd have a problem with as well. And he'd better hide those nudie pics well. Or else they'll "accidently" get thrown out during spring cleaning.

[bluesummer]

I had some naked polaroids that my ex and I took of each other many years ago. When we broke up, we traded them back. I shredded mine......still, not too smart. I hope he didn't keep photocopies. Even so, that was back when I was 20 and had a killer body.....so it's not too bad I would never do naked photos or video now. Shudder.

You know, I don't think I'd even be okay with my man having a topless pic of his ex. Why have it? I think the memory of sexual exploits with people from your past is enough. You don't need frickin' documentation.

[starbuck]

You know, I don't think I'd even be okay with my man having a topless pic of his ex. Why have it? I think the memory of sexual exploits with people from your past is enough. You don't need frickin' documentation.

It's never come up in any of my relationships, so I honestly don't know how I'd react. I tend to think I'd be ok, but unless put in that position, I can't be 100% sure to be quite honest.

Suffice it to say, if he has one, better just to not let me see it.

"Oh, the paper grinder did the weirdest thing today! It turned itself on and accidentally ate your photos. Was right out of Maximum Overdrive."

[vashti]

I understand your position. However, the longer you are with your man, the more remote these people become, and trust me: in 10 years, you honestly won't care (unless he continues to harbor interest in her).

[Illusional]

i have always wondering what some of my relationships of the past would be like if we went back out together,..and then i remember why we broke up in the first place and realize that it was the best thing to do.

raverboy