Indignat's Thread

[Mish]

I'm cheesed of it was deleted right in the middle of me typing a response to her, so here it is:

so do you suggest that i shut all of his family out of my life? End my friendship with the other members of his family?

I don't think you have to go to extreme measures. Simply having a talk with your friend about how his behaviour is inappropriate and very damaging to his family will suffice in the beginning. If this doesn't work, then you can escalate the resistance.

The key I think is for you to understand what is going on here, to get a transparency on what's going on. It's not true love, it's emotional infidelity. It's not platonic relationship, it's emotional cheating. He is not a prince charming, he is a bitter individual with clear issues. No happy, sane married person professes his love to other women and becomes clingy and emotionally attached to them.

[IndiReloaded]

LOL, Mish.

It was probably getting to close too home for her.

Or she deleted it by accident. Shrug. Your advice went in, no worries.

[Indignant]

I don't think you have to go to extreme measures. Simply having a talk with your friend about how his behaviour is inappropriate and very damaging to his family will suffice in the beginning. If this doesn't work, then you can escalate the resistance.

The key I think is for you to understand what is going on here, to get a transparency on what's going on. It's not true love, it's emotional infidelity. It's not platonic relationship, it's emotional cheating. He is not a prince charming, he is a bitter individual with clear issues. No happy, sane married person professes his love to other women and becomes clingy and emotionally attached to them.

I apologize for deleting it in the process of you writing a response. you could always PM me though.

I have had that talk sooooo many times. I really don't want you to think that he calls just to obsess over me, he calls as a friend to discuss business and such, and then he'd mention something like, i know that you don't believe me but i still love you.

[Mish]

I really don't want you to think that he calls just to obsess over me, he calls as a friend to discuss business and such, and then he'd mention something like, i know that you don't believe me but i still love you.

Which puts into question his entire "call as a friend".

I don't doubt there is a friend component to you and him. But I also have no doubt there is an additional component as well. Based on your previous posts I don't doubt he has ulterior motives.

[IndiReloaded]

i know that you don't believe me but i still love you.

He has no business saying that to someone not his wife & you have no business letting him. Multiple times.

Tell me this: is his wife privy to the kinds of things he says to you? Does he say it to you in her presence, the same way? Does she know he calls you all the time?

One of the hallmarks of an EA is the secrecy factor. If everything is transparent then, perhaps, you have one of those rare (and I do mean RARE) friendships that transcends those had by mere mortals.

Nice to think that you're that special, right?

Unfortunately, the chances are not in your favour on this. Either you, or he, or both of you are lying. The only real question is who you are lying to, each other or yourself.

Like I said before, good luck with this.

And for goodness sake, find your OWN partner. Soon.

[Indignant]

LOL, Mish.

It was probably getting to close too home for her.

Or she deleted it by accident. Shrug. Your advice went in, no worries.

deleted on purpose.

it is close to home.

appreciate all the advises, meant no disrespect to anyone.

you do have to realize though that this is my life and my friend's life that we were talking about. this is something that no one else in this world knows of, and I made a choice of sharing this with you, mainly Indi and Misha. I do appreciate that you invested your time into this, but it feels like it was made into entertainment when there's so much involved.

[IndiReloaded]

I've known Mish for a while now. My post count & date on here isn't a true one. I've been here for much longer. Appearances can be deceiving.

I assure you we are both deadly serious about this. We each have experience of a sort in this. We aren't making light of your problem.

[Indignant]

Based on your previous posts I don't doubt he has ulterior motives.

How did I make it seem that he might have ulterior motives?

[IndiReloaded]

Indignant, you really have your head stuck in the sand on this. Just believe when we tell you this.

He has ulterior motives b/c he tells you he loves you & contacts you a LOT.

Guys do not do this with women they are 'just friends' with.

[Indignant]

Indignant, you really have your head stuck in the sand on this. Just believe when we tell you this.

He has ulterior motives b/c he tells you he loves you & contacts you a LOT.

Guys do not do this with women they are 'just friends' with.

2 years though? what about my friend who is in the same situation for over 10 years?

[Mish]

I've known Mish for a while now. My post count & date on here isn't a true one. I've been here for much longer. Appearances can be deceiving.

I assure you we are both deadly serious about this. We each have experience of a sort in this. We aren't making light of your problem.

I concur. All advice I posted was not meant to be making fun of you Indignant. It's meant to help you and your friend and help you avoid a dangerous mistake (to continue down the same path) which will bring a lot of pain and misery to the same families you are trying to protect.

[Mish]

2 years though? what about my friend who is in the same situation for over 10 years?

Likewise for your friend. It's an emotional affair for 10 years (if that's how long it has been going on for). It's unaccaptable and damaging to the health of a family.

You haven't posted as much detail about your friend and 10 years. If there is evidence to the contrary then post it.

[IndiReloaded]

EAs can last for 10 years. Its not the time, its the behaviour that's important. Usually they progress to a sexual relationship but not always. They are like an addiction, in some cases.

But, like Mish said, without knowing more about their situation its hard to say.

Anyway, I have to run. Sorry. But I think you have a lot to think about now, Dig? Only you know for sure whether what we are saying fits your situation or not. All we can tell you is based on our own experience or what we've seen.

BTW, Mish is a bit younger than you. I am a bit older.

I'll try to come back later and tell you what happened to the person I know who got caught up in an EA & how it worked out. If you think it might help.

[Indignant]

Thanks Indi, have a good evening!

BTW I have seen a lot of families being ruined by infidelities, drugs, etc. Heck, this is Beverly Hills we are talking about, doesn't get any worse than here.

[Mish]

Indignant, you really have your head stuck in the sand on this. Just believe when we tell you this.

He has ulterior motives b/c he tells you he loves you & contacts you a LOT.

Guys do not do this with women they are 'just friends' with.

Just on a side note Indi. I've noticed quite a few women who can't recognize the signs when they seem them. One girl told me that unless it's something 100% obvious (like a guy pulling down his pants or grubbing her) she will not know if there's something more on the guys mind than harmless fun.

I sometimes wonder how common this is.