Leave her alone? (So lost)

[Ricky]

Ok, I need more guidance again (am I getting annoying yet? )

To recap quickly: Met a girl at college two semesters ago, liked her, I thought she liked me (she did - as a friend, I think; she once playfully told me she loved me), she ended up getting a boyfriend. I kept hope, fell in love with her. After a while she broke up with her boyfriend. With only a week left of the semester, I told her I liked her, in fear that I wouldn't get another chance. She didn't really say whether or not she likes me, but she did say she doesn't want a boyfriend right now. I'm uncertain whether anything is going to happen between us. I gave her my phone number and she gave me her cell number, so we could keep in contact during the summer.

I talked to her on three different occasions this summer, and on each occasion the conversation was short, and she said she would call me back later, and never did (after the second call, I had called again a few days later and left a voicemail, and she did call back, but I wasn't home and just got a message on my answering machine).

So, she only called me once, and that was because I had left her a voicemail. I had called her back after I got the message, and she was busy and said she'd call me back. Never did, and as I mentioned above, that is the third time that happened. Her not calling back when she says she is going to makes me think that maybe she doesn't really want to talk to me (or maybe she's just really absentminded). The one thing that really stuck out from these short conversations is that she began using my first name, which I see as a pretty good sign.

I'm afraid I may be bugging her. One or two of her ex-boyfriends acted similarly after their breakups, calling her a lot, and she told me about how those calls from them drove her nuts. I feared I may be doing the same thing (despite the fact that I'm not dating her). Still, I never really got a chance to talk to her in length this summer. I want to know how she's doing, how her new job is, and how she's feeling. Plus, I'm hoping something will develop between us. I considered sending her an e-mail today just to kind of say "what's up?", and to mention that I thought I might be annoying her by calling. I decided not to. In a month I'll be back in college, and I may see her again. What will happen from there I don't know. Plus, her e-mail address that I have is a student e-mail, which she may not check during the summer. I know her personal e-mail address, but she doesn't know I know it, so I don't want to freak her out and send her an e-mail to that address. Right now I think I'll just be patient and see how she acts around me this semester, unless some of you feel differently...

Am I doing anything wrong? Should I e-mail her, or give her another call? Do I even have a chance with her? Should I just let her go? I'm so lost. I can't stop thinking about her for too long...

[bivio]

I think you should just leave it mate, a text here and there would be fine.

If she wants to talk to you she knows she can, you've put the effort in, she should now.

[english lad]

I agree with bivio.

Unfortunately it sounds like she may be trying to give u a subtle hint by not calling back. Or maybe there could be something there between you but if she's just had a break up she more than likely doesn't want to deal with anything like that at the moment.

I'd give her some space. Give it a week or 2 without contacting her and she'll probably get in touch with you somehow, more than likely text or email I would imagine.

I've been in a similar situation before. And giving them space does work, and they get in touch with you when they're ready.

chin up

[Ricky]

I'd say it's been almost a month since I last talked to her.

I called her late in May during her birthday, and twice in June. The last call was when I called her after she left me a voicemail (itself a response to a voicemail I left her). I was hoping she'd call me sometime since then, but no luck so far. I guess she really needs space. Or she is just totally not interested in going into a relationship with me. I figure I won't communicate with her until college starts again. I just hope I end up in the same building as she - the past two semesters we've been in the same building and she'd hang around in my room a lot. If we're not in the same building, I may not see her as much. Anyway, I guess I'll just wait and see what happens...

[drakdragon]

slow down buddy, if there's anything I've learned in my life is never try to keep in constant contact with a girl if she's not willing to contact you. It seems like she's uninterested in you as a lover, would keep you as a friend, as you can tell your not close friends yet, and if you like to be then you should slow down what your doing and try to be a friend and get closer as a friend than being a lover. Get her to want to talk to you, that way she'll be the one calling you and not the other way around.

[NuttinLikeLove]

I agree with Drak. Back off a bit and keep the friendship first. If something is meant to happen later on down the line, it will happen because she will see you were a genuine friend first. I know that is hard when your heart tells you something else. But if you keep calling and e-mailing her like a lost puppy you will only distance her further.

[Ricky]

I think you guys are right. I need to just quit bugging her (and I haven't bugged her for about a month now so I guess I'm off to a good start). I hope I get to hang out with her a lot this coming semester.

I probably should mention that there is another girl, too. Before the above girl broke up with her boyfriend, this one asked me out for next semester's ball, because she hadn't been to one yet. Considering that I was single and my love interest was taken, of course I said yes. I can tell this girl kind of likes me. Do I like her? I don't dislike her, but I'm not in love with her. She's a nice, pretty girl. But I'd rather go out with who I'm currently in love with. Maybe I'll develop some feelings for her. Besides, I guess chances are that the girl I love isn't going to be with me (although I suppose there is a small chance). If we do end up together before I take this other girl out to the ball, then I'm in a spot. If I got together with her, I'll simply tell her that I promised to take someone to the ball, and hope she understands. Of course, then I'd have to worry that the other girl doesn't fall in love with me, throwing me into a triangle (definitely don't want that).

All I think I can do is wait and see how everything plays out.

[drakdragon]

Hmmm... If I was in your situation, I'd talk to the girl that asked you out, hang out with her, get to know her better and get closer to her. It's a lot better to go after someone who you know you have a chance with than someone who it's unlikely. I'm not saying totally forget about the other girl, but you never know, once you get closer with this girl (the 1 that asked you out) you might start liking her more and want to be with her, then you can just have the other girl for what she is.. a friend.

[purplesoulshine]

Hi Ricky,
I'm offering my opinion so that you may get the perspective of a girl. And, while I obviously do not know this girl that you are in love with, I have ended a relationship before and wanted to just not be in one for a while...be completely and utterly single and on my own. This can be a very important time for a guy and a girl to have in their life - to just be by themselves, especially after a breakup. I'm also speaking from the experience of one who had this desire and then soon made an exception for a guy that was really wanting to date me. That was not a smart move on my part. The trouble with going against my desire to be single for a while is that I grew to sort of resent this guy that I started dating when I wasn't fully ready. So, point is, if this girl is actually telling you 'hey, i wanna be single for a while' then I'd listen to her and give her some space because you don't want it to be a point of contention between you and her. From your shoes, my suggestion would be that coping with situations like this is made easier by reminding yourself that 'what's mean to be will be.' That should give you hope while giving her space until it does happen....if it's going to.

[friend]

***** 5 STARS!

I think you should just leave it mate, a text here and there would be fine.

If she wants to talk to you she knows she can, you've put the effort in, she should now.

[friend]

***** 5 STARS! PERFECT ANSWER!

I think you should just leave it mate, a text here and there would be fine.

If she wants to talk to you she knows she can, you've put the effort in, she should now.

Hi Ricky,
I'm offering my opinion so that you may get the perspective of a girl. And, while I obviously do not know this girl that you are in love with, I have ended a relationship before and wanted to just not be in one for a while...be completely and utterly single and on my own. This can be a very important time for a guy and a girl to have in their life - to just be by themselves, especially after a breakup. I'm also speaking from the experience of one who had this desire and then soon made an exception for a guy that was really wanting to date me. That was not a smart move on my part. The trouble with going against my desire to be single for a while is that I grew to sort of resent this guy that I started dating when I wasn't fully ready. So, point is, if this girl is actually telling you 'hey, i wanna be single for a while' then I'd listen to her and give her some space because you don't want it to be a point of contention between you and her. From your shoes, my suggestion would be that coping with situations like this is made easier by reminding yourself that 'what's mean to be will be.' That should give you hope while giving her space until it does happen....if it's going to.

[carl1222]

Please note this is a 4 year and 6 month old thread.