Someone please help me with this!

[Gearhead]

Im 19 years old and Ive been dating my 17 year old gf for over a year now. Ive even moved cross country from my hometown of 18 years to be with her when her family moved. Ive left friends, and family for her. Theres no doubt in my mind that I love her, I just dont really see myself spending the rest of my life with her.

Im self employed, doing what I love and making decent money, though she gets upset that I spend all day working, and "never" spend time with her. Truth be told, Ive lost around 2 grand in the last month or so taking time away from business to make her happy.

It seems like the more time I spend with her, the more she wants, and she doesnt even notice (or care when I mention) that I make all this time for her out of the time Im neglecting my business. Its always more, more, more. Im a night person and shes still in high school, so she constantly gets upset that I never lay down and go to bed with her when she does.

Shes extremely jealous, even to the point where I cant even check my email without her trying to look over my shoulder. She would kill me if she realized I still talked to my best friend of nearly 8 years just because of the fact that her and I dated years ago. As a matter of fact, the ex im speaking of is in a similar relationship. I even tried to be friends with her new bf (who mistreats her if you were to ask me) and he outright told her she was not allowed to speak to me. Luckily, shes a little stronger than me and instantly told him that she'd leave him if he ever told her anything like that again.

I on the other hand cant just tell my gf something like that for fear of hurting her. So instead I sneak around behind her back, making me feel terrible, just to be able to talk to my best friend.

One last thing, I never really had what youd call "family." My father died when I was young, my sister ran off the day she turned 18, my brother has always hated me for whatever reason, and my mom is just a little crazy. Well my gf's family has pretty much become my family. I love them all just as much as I love her. Her mom's been more of a mother to me in the last year than my mom has been since my dad passed. Her mom's bf is like a brother to me (he's actually my business partner) theyve even been kind enough to let me live with them for a few months now.

I dont want her family to hate me and I deffinately dont want to hurt her, but I just know that if I continue like this Ill probably never really be happy. On top of all the emotions, theres the "what ifs" such as what if they run me off, hundreds of miles from anyone I know, with no money (cause if they dont want me in their home, he probably wont want to continue doing business with me)

So its either I continue living in a manner Im not truly happy with, or I risk losing everything that holds my life together

Anyone with any kind of advice, please, please help me out here.

[snoz]

It's tough I can only feel sorry for you about the family situation. If it helps in the end me and my ex broke up anyway once its ran its course and I still ended up losing her family which I've called mine for so long. No matter how much they love you they will always back their own child.

Just tell her the truth, what's there to hurt?

[ecojeanne]

gosh, you're too young to be getting so serious. she's 18, of course she's irrational. just tell her you're not going to stop being in touch with your friends. don't accept her jealousy ways. she needs to learn she can't control your life. work on your business and also tell her it's important that you make a go of it and that will mean that you can't always spend time with her....this is what adults do.

i know you have a terrible fear of losing the only family you've got. it is a tough situation to be in. i would think telling your gf that you will not accept her irrational behavior will turn out ok, she just needs to be told.

if you hadn't said anything about the family i would have advised you to move out and still continue to see her but of course it will be difficult for you coz you will be leaving the only family you have.

you are both too young tho to be getting this serious.

ultimately you must stand up to your bully gf. she can't continue to treat you like this and i'm sure everyone would understand if you did.

[ecojeanne]

i have to also add;

that if i was in your situation and had so much to lose i would be a little manipulative about it;

i would mention subtly in conversations with the mothers bf about you not being able to even talk to friends and that she gets jealous really easy and that she doesn't even want you to work....don't blurt it out but for instance if you are with him and the gf calls you, after the call just sigh and make a small comment here and there for a couple of weeks, then the family won't be that surprised that you stood up for yourself

this will preserve your place in the family

[Gigabitch]

She sounds like a pain in the ass. Start looking around for a way out of that relationship. I know you feel like a part of her family, but you have to understand that you're not.