Uuuhm ok not sure how to ask this

[vashti]

He's just a kid and he will not be emotionally prepared to handle this, either. You need to tell an adult. The support group is a good idea, or maybe a counselor at school... do you know any adults you trust?

[lesa]

I believe telling the family may help in the healing. They do not sound very supportive though. I would tell them and then move but that may be too drastic.

[Aeradalia]

I am quite a bit older than the original poster... I was raped for 6 years, sometimes as much as 2 or 3 times a week... it is not as cut and dry emotionally as many would think.

For women, there is the realization that you are smaller than men.. and in my case, they were also older and very manipulative mentally... which may be the case here as well. Your first instinct when you realize you are smaller... more helpless... is to run.. not fight. Sometimes you get so caught up in the idea that you can't get away... that you never realize you can fight or that you should try... Keep getting caught in the loop.. I need to run... I can't run away... I need to run.. I can't... I can't.. etc. After a while, you believe that you can't do anything... whether or not this is true in real life. --- That's the mindset of a rape victim... especially when they are raped repeatedly.

As for telling someone... the first person you tell is probably the single-most hardest moment... so yes, it is best to tell someone you trust... whether or not they can really help. Just needing to know that it's ok to talk about it is what you need the most. After that, you work up the courage to tell another person... then the authorities... There's a lot of fear to overcome... fear of rejection, repulsion, humiliation... and even something as irrational as it'll get back to the rapist and he'll make you suffer more...

Sheesh... even for me to talk about it is giving me the shakes... and it's been years since it happened...

[vashti]

Just needing to know that it's ok to talk about it is what you need the most. ...

Yeah, the problem is that it may NOT be okay to talk about this with her boyfriend. His reaction may actually worsen the situation.

Of course, he may rise to the occassion. Let's hope.

[Mish]

I can't tell my family I can't say why but when I told them about the first rape things did not end well...

What happened after you told your parents about the first rape?

[lara bui]

i've never dealt with this but seriously...if he loves u he'll be angry at your cousin and not u. If he loves u nothing will change about they way he feels about u. i hope all turns out well.

[IndiReloaded]

I am quite a bit older than the original poster... I was raped for 6 years, sometimes as much as 2 or 3 times a week... it is not as cut and dry emotionally as many would think.

Aeradalia, I'm really sorry for your experience, but glad you are here to give your input. What would you suggest for Silent to do about her situation, both short term & longer term?

[Aeradalia]

Short term she needs to talk to her boyfriend or someone she can trust... it is irrelevant at this time as to whether they can truly help. They will help by being a stepping stone on the way to confessing to the authorities.

In the long term, she will need to take steps to help her realize she's not alone... find answers to the questions that she has... tell the authorities.. receive counseling which will not only help sort out her feelings and give her confidence, but also help her to prevent this from happening again and if necessary, teach her how to defend herself if she is faced with this again (though I sincerely hope not). Through friends and counselors... hopefully she will see that these incidents are not something to fear, they will not be a stigma for the rest of her life, and happiness can and will be hers again...

[Aeradalia]

Why is that shock? Shock of what? Can you analyze the process of it?

The shock is multi-leveled. First there is the unreal feeling and the thought that says 'this can't be happening.' That is followed shortly by the thought of 'it is happening.' Then the terrible, most horrible thought in the world, 'I've tried fighting and I can't get away... there is nothing I can do to stop this.'

I am not a woman, so...

In order to understand this, you need to relate more to women. Imagine being half as strong as you are now... imagine always being half as strong as any male at nearly any given age (except back when you were a real young child). Then imagine being.. eh.. about 1 1/2 times more emotional... your world has to be just right, or it'll feel like the world is coming to an end (maybe not that extreme... but you get the idea).

But I know, if someone tried to rape me in my ass, I would fight, unless there is a blade under my throat (which would suck really bad). ..... I'd still fight, but not for my life. Because that situation would be more normal.

You have probably won fights against other males as you've grown up... you've gained confidence from these events. And the only times you've been beaten physically is by someone much larger than you (or more clever). Imagine rarely or never winning a fight... learning that it's best to try to avoid physical fights because you are smaller and can be hurt quite easily. Then imagine being put into a situation where the guy is twice your strength and not only wants to hurt you... but force himself on you.

I am not blaming anyone much exept the guy rapist. I just want some clearance for the sake of knowing how the mind works.

I hope this helps to give you an idea.

But do you think if I tell someone its her own fault make her fight or make her using it as an excuse to get more rape?

Casual sex by its nature is wanted by both parties involved. Rape is sex with one consenting and one not consenting. Telling a rape victim that the rape was her fault does not encourage one to fight... it destroys the will completely and the consequences are vast and devastating. On top of that, it's not the victim's fault... it's the rapist's fault.

[silenteaux]

Aeradelia is pretty much hitting the nail on the head with the. Mind set she describes... Especially during the rape... But I do want to get counseling in the future and just... Try to be myself again. But I don't think telling the authorities is one of the things ill do...

Vashti I wish I could day differently but he really is the only person I trust … he's the only person I can see myself telling and he won't think I'm a liar...
When I told my parents about the first rape they blamed me… told me I was a whore and that I wanted it … I was 11… I had just learned the mechanics of sex from my hairy old health teacher… I did not want a crash course in the reality of it …
My boyfriend...he reacted pretty well when I told him about the first rape. He was angry at him and very sensitive to how I was feeling... I'm just nervous to tell him because he hates it when I drink... Also hell likely be very angry at my cousin and I'd prefer my boyfriend not in jail.

[sine24]

hey there silenteaux,

i can tell you that i know how hard it is to speak out about something like this.

when i was really young my mum would usually drop me off at a neighbour/friend's house so that she could work. she was an old asian grandma. she had a son probably in his thirties at the time, and i was merely 10. i remember being sexually assaulted often by him, but never told a soul. i thought that it would be something i would hold with me til they day i die.

with my latest boyfriend, i felt like i wanted to tell him, but was fearful of his reaction, like you. i eventually told him, and he responded as anyone should if they really care about you and what you went through.

if you feel like telling him would make it easier for you to move on from it, i think you should take that step. dont be ashamed. rape is rape, be it by a cousin or a stranger.

[vashti]

Silent - Your parents sound awful. Do you have any adults you are close to? It sounds like you need a friend.

[Gigabitch]

when i was really young my mum would usually drop me off at a neighbour/friend's house so that she could work. she was an old asian grandma. she had a son probably in his thirties at the time, and i was merely 10. i remember being sexually assaulted often by him, but never told a soul. i thought that it would be something i would hold with me til they day i die.

This gave me chills. My daughter is 10. If someone assaulted her, he'd choke to death on his own balls, I swear it. Why didn't you tell your mom?

[sine24]

im really not sure. i was quite young so i guess i didnt really understand that it was something i had to tell. as i grew older i just felt like i wanted to keep it to myself as so much time had passed.

the weird thing is, when ever we drive past the house, my dad would make me aware of the place of was babysat by 'such a caring old lady'. no one knows except my boyfriend

[Aeradalia]

Why didn't you tell your mom?

Sometimes I can't help but to wonder if this is kept from parents because of not wanting the rape to taint the 'goodness' that is felt around them? I'm not sure... but I know that when I was at home, I just couldn't bring myself to tell them... the thought of their reactions at the time was just all too much.

im really not sure. i was quite young so i guess i didnt really understand that it was something i had to tell. as i grew older i just felt like i wanted to keep it to myself as so much time had passed.

the weird thing is, when ever we drive past the house, my dad would make me aware of the place of was babysat by 'such a caring old lady'. no one knows except my boyfriend

My parents used to do something similar... occasionally talk about how much 'fun' I used to have there, whenever we'd drive past the house. However, now, years later... my parents can't stand to be in the same town...