"i think i want to be alone"

[glow]

so for anyone who knew i had my sunday meeting with the guy i've been seeing for 4 months.

he text me late asking if i wanted to meet him for coffee i get there and he's smiley and jokey and playing footsie with me, showing a blister he got poking me for a good half hour trying to buy me drinks or cakes or whatever and i refused. i'm joking back thinking maybe we just hit a rut because of how he was acting.
i finally said what's up, and he proceeded to tell me about his week in more detail and i repeated no, what's up. and he kept going and i said we need to talk. and he said ya what's on your mind. i said, you know because i sent you an email that said it all but he asked me again so i said it seems like when i text, call, see you, you feel forced to make time/don't really want to and he said i shouldn't feel that way, he was sorry if he made me feel bad.

he told me he's a selfish, childish person. he can't deal with much and feels he has to take care of everyone. he told me he wasn't in control enough with me and that he's been so busy with stuff. then told me he had a drug alcohol problem and couldn't afford to be in situations near that. i said um because i force things upon you? working in a club is probably the best place for you. then he just kept talking and i finally interrupted him and said what do you want to do. and he didn't answer so i asked again and he said he didn't know so i asked again and got the same answer and i said you know what you want to do and he:

looked at me, looked down, quietly said "i think i want to be alone" looked back up at me turned red in the face, his beautiful eyes glazed over and i think i've never seen anything more sad and felt awful for him and quickly said "cool" he then said i'm sorry and i said why be sorry? i just wish you said something earlier i don't know why you would continue on in misery. he said he didn't want to upset me and i said why would i want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with me, it's just a waste of everyone's time isn't it? and he said he thought i'd be more upset and that it wasn't he didn't like me and he obviously found me attractive and i just stopped him and said don't bother trying to be nice, you didn't do anything wrong. then he mentioned something about how my banter, our banter was very endearing an intoxicating but he didn't know, and i said well that wasn't really fighting it was joking around but i'd blame myself for that because that's how i push people and kinda faltered off and he said is that because you're a little vixen? awkward question i thought and said sure and was kinda thrown through a loop by that so after a few more minutes i said i'm sure you have other things to do like homework or going out or what not so i don't want to take up anymore of your time to which he said...

why? you haven't even finished your drink and i have nothing to do tonight so stay. i didn't want to run away so stayed he proceeded to tell me about a fight he had with his sister and his problems with school lately and all these things i really didn't need to know about and how maybe he should see a therapist and what his plans were for the next little while and this week and a lot of stuff when i wanted to leave and cry but just kept joking with him. and then finally we went to get up another 45m later. so we leave the coffee shop and i say okay bye and he says he will see me around as we rotate in similar circles and i'm like ya sure sometime and then i say bye again and he pulls me and hugs me and kisses my forehead which was the worst thing ever and so i just kinda pulled away and walked and said bye again and he said oh, we're going the same way, starts walking with me and then after one minute dips into the nearest bar and says i'm gonna get a beer, no goodbye from there or nothing.

[glow]

sorry that was so ridiculously long. what i don't understand is the vixen comment, or why he would want to keep me around or why the kiss after or why he shared his life story and then just ran into the nearest bar.... i'm so absolutely confused. please someone maybe some clarity? i have so much i wanted to ask like is it you want to be alone or you found someone else and when did you start feeling this way and how long were you going to let this go on for and is there anything i could've done and a plethora of other things but didn't because i just felt bad for him and asking anything at that point seems futile as it's over and what does that accomplish, he at that point owes me nothing. he said i was so cool about it also btw, that he thought i'd be more upset and that he didn't want it to be one of those things where i started to like him more than he liked me. and i only could reply with a joke that nah, didn't plan on going and jumping off a flight of stairs as one of his exes had done, but he only ever dated crazy girls like that or schizo girls or girls who robbed and dumped him. any ideas?

[glow]

sorry, last part of the question, do you think he's going to contact me? or would you not be able to say as you don't know the nature of the relationship in the first place?

[Cain]

I'll read and respond if you break your post into readable paragraphs.

[carl1222]

I'm so sorry it didn't work out as we all had hoped, Glow.

Probably the reson you are so confused is because he never gave you a coherent explanation as to why he didn't want to be with you anymore. The sense I get from his rambling conversation, I'm lead to believe that his head is so screwed up right now that he shouldn't/can't be in a romantic relationship with you or anyone else right now. While I feel for his problems, I would suggest that after only 4 months together, you don't want to become his therapist or his mommy.

As for the use of the term "vixen," a vixen is:

1 : a shrewish ill-tempered woman
2 : (a female fox)
3 : a sexually attractive woman

His use of the word is so devoid of context in the conversation, I have no clue what he meant by it. Maybe he WAS calling you argumentative and pushy, I don't know.

I'm truly sorry for your pain and disappointment but at least it frees you to find a fully-functioning new boyfriend, beautiful eyes or not.

Good luck,
Carl.

[glow]

i think it's more legible now?

ya, the whole tone of the conversation was very confusing didn't flow or stay on topic in the sense that he was almost manic.

[Cain]

It is more legible. Thank you.

Personally, I think you should have asked what you wanted to ask. I'm a big fan of getting closure, and I wouldn't have been able to get closure without knowing some of the answers to those questions.

He obviously cares about you, otherwise he would have been eager to rush you off after this whole ordeal. Give him time and let him deal with what he needs to deal with.