Push it?or not?

[WickedMan]

hi.i have been with this woman for 7 months now,so far so good but im getting more and more worried,we are on our 7th month but we have not been physically together,we fell in love thru phone and email but this is not that simple,she was my college dream girl,i never knew she felt the same way for me until 7 months ago,so im gonna be with her in 6 months time,and already im having a lot ofaxiety issues,i love her a lot,so much that im willing to give up everything,ive never been this emotional towards a woman,i need some advice on how i can maintain the communication while we are apart and how im going to handle certain problems,im thinking of living with her and try to work things out,im planning to take her to the states but im not sure if shes gonna agree with it,she loves her family a lot and shes the breadwinner,im getting this feeling that this will not work out coz of the following reasons,

1.she has a good job over there
2.shes the breadwinner of her family
3.shes so much smarter than me(ive never been with a smarter one than me)
4.thoughts of what if she wont like me.

i mean how am i gonna convince her to leave with me???

[WickedMan]

and by the way we have plans of marrying

[carl1222]

You are putting the cart way before the horse here.

Your fourth point first ... Until you meet in person, neither of you know if the necessary chemistry exists to even make a relationship possible! I don't care how many pictures, webcam convos, etc ... chemistry requires IN PERSON contact. Period!

As to the third point ... Unlike chemistry, intelligence is something you CAN perceive on line. She likes/loves you ... so don't worry about that.

As to your first two points ... Who says she has to come to the US? You can go to her too, you know. Is she in the UK? The UK is a splendid place to live!

Carl.

[WickedMan]

i am easily in love,im crazy about her today,im scared that this might change when we start living together

[lesa]

While away call her and describe your mundane daily life and listen to hers. However, do not sound pessimistic--just talk about your day as if you came back from work and she greeted you at home.

Do not live with her, yet.

[Gribble]

I'm not sure if I got this right, but you've been engaged in a long-distance "relationship". You have not had any physical contact. And you're planning marriage.

I think you're on the fast track to a wonderful life. Go get 'er, tiger.

[Bo]

if you're scared that it might change when u two start living together than u just answered your own question...DON'T. personally i think it's crazy. And love makes ppl do crazy things BUT u've never even met her? getting married to someone u've never met is a biggg mistake u don't want to make...

[WickedMan]

sounds good lesa,but shes the one who wants to live with me,coz shes so busy in her daily life that she wanted to me to be with her at her home,and bo ive known her for almost 8 years we went to the same college,so is that the solution?try to take it slow by not living with her?

[lesa]

Yes take it slowly by not living with her. Tell her that you do not want to rush the relationship and will instead get a place of your own. If she doesn't understand then something is wrong.

[Lipp]

If she's "the breadwinner of her family", does that mean that she's married? And if she was a sole mother it wouldn't be an option for her not to be that.

[Bo]

ohhh ok...i thought u hadn't met her that's a different story than, the way u explained the situation should have been a lot more detailed, details are important

[Lite]

Uhm, so basically you don't have an actual REAL relationship. You have illusions of one without the trappings of reality. You're either really wrapped up in brain chemicals and/or there's codependency issue at foot.

The end.

[IndiReloaded]

The only LDRs I know that ever work are those where there was a solid, well-defined relationship before the separation AND there was a defined end point to the distance.

Technology can help pass the time & make the distance seem less, but it can't replace actual human contact and quality time together.

Wicked, if you want this to work you should get yourself a place nearby and see her same as those who are newly dating. Your previous communication will help but can't replace this important time. If, after the initial 'lovie-dovie' phase has passed you still find each other interesting, then consider marriage (or living together). At least a year, would be my advice. Good luck.

[WickedMan]

thank you indi.so there really is an initial lovie dovie phase,is this true with all relationships?will it fade?

[lesa]

Yes, I think most if not all romantic relationships have a lovie dovie phase. I am a little unusual and get a caution phase for the first month or so. My lovie dovie phase happens a few months later—probably around month three and it does not last too long because I try to remain realistic.