Personal State of Confusion

[AndrewJanus]

Ok…here goes...

Weeks ago I posted a question, as I was pursuing a young, single mother. I had taken the advice and left it at that… but things didn’t necessarily go that way. We kept talking. She gave me her number… by the end of the week we were going on our first date.

Things couldn’t have gone better. Simple: gave her a single rose, dinner, movie, hand holding during the show, night ended with a set up for a future date, a hug and end scene.

Through a mutual friend I found out that she was blown away by everything and seemed really into me, as I was into her.

So the following Monday, we had lunch and spent the afternoon together. We joked about the first kiss and I ended with a kiss on the hand, saying I wasn’t going to rush it…She loved it!

The following Wednesday, we went to the movies, night ended with a long talk and a kiss on the cheek…again she loved it!

The next night we went out drinking with a group of friends…we shared our first kiss and then spent the night together. We got pretty physical, but no sex was involved. That night we talked about various things…about us…about the next step, etc. We both shared how much we enjoyed each others company, etc. Things couldn’t be better.

That weekend, I stayed overnight at her place…again same scenario…things couldn’t have been better.

The next week however…things (in my mind) kinda seemed to go downhill. She went off with some friends for a few days. We talked every night and every chance she got to call me…but she gets back, and has to go straight into Christmas stuff…

This past week has been difficult, at least for me…we havent talked as much. She isn’t answering my txts messages like she was doing. We have talked twice, briefly on Christmas day…but that’s it. The mutual friend says she hasn’t said anything to him about something being wrong… but Im so frustrated!

I think im just reading into it too much…this is what I do in relationships…although we are just dating right now…

I have asked her to spend the evening with her on New Years but she isn’t sure what she is going to do because she had made semi-plans with a girl friend of hers…

I feel like I should ask her if I have messed up…or if Im doing something wrong…but I think Im just reading into things too much…

Wow… that was long… any thoughts?

I love this site...great advice...

Thanks everyone!

[Gigabitch]

Well, if it weren't for the New Years thing, I'd just tell you that she's all wrapped up in holiday stuff and to wait it out, but for her to make "semi plans" with a girlfriend when she's at this stage of your relationship is not a good sign.

Is it possible that she got worried that you weren't going to ask?

[AndrewJanus]

We had talked about it...weeks ago. But we said we would see where we stood before we made plans... It wasnt like a stalling statement either...she was trying to make sure we had something to do...she likes a schedule of events, lol.

[Gigabitch]

Well, do you have a solid plan for New Year? Maybe if you presented her with something incredibly fun and told her that she's the only person you want to spend that night with, she would give you a better answer.

Even a straight up refusal would be better than this "maybe" crap.

[AndrewJanus]

true...true...

I have an idea... I had this great "i only want to spend it with you" line all cooked up...

but since she doesnt respond to txts like she had been doing, it made me think that I had lost her interest or something...

shes been working alot...and had all of the holiday hooplah going...

Im guessing I just should man up and call her...and get an answer!

but here is my other question... do I express my frustrations? Do I need to ask her if Im somothering her or if she has lost interest? Should I ask her to do something before New Years?

[vashti]

If I counted correctly, you dated her 4 times, and then spent the night with her ... all in one week? Wow, that IS too fast. Where the hell is her kid, anyway?

I think you should slow it WAY down.

[AndrewJanus]

her kid was with her parents...she has a wonderful support system!

I thought that as well about slowing down...maybe this is the slowing down process?

ughhh... I hate dating sometimes...

[vashti]

Andrew, I am going to sound really mean here for a minute, but I want you to ask yourself what kind of mother dumps her kid at her parents house most evenings of the week in order to run around with some new boyfriend. Do you think you are the first guy she's done this with? Would you want the mother of YOUR children acting this way?

EDIT: I want to clarify that I am not trying to say she should NEVER date, but it sounds like she has a problem with balance and priority-setting.

[AndrewJanus]

true...true...I know Im not the first...and the way things are seeming...might not be the last. And no I would never let the mother of my children do that...

but it wasnt like she was just "dumping" him there...

all of the dates in that one week just worked out like that...in that one week. its was just sheer conincidence that things worked out like that so well.

she keeps him otherwise...

[vashti]

I'd be really careful about making excuses for behavior you would normally object to, especially when you concede you aren't the first. True, sometimes the excuses are justified, but oftentimes, they merely represent lapses in our own judgement.

[AndrewJanus]

no joke... i tend to do that...

I dont know what else to do here... I dont want to just drop it, but it seems already that she has...

my gut tells me to hold out...and that everything will make sense... but I cant wait forever...

oh well...I suppose waiting it is...I dont think Im gonna make the first contact this time...that will kill me...

[Gigabitch]

Oh, for Christ's sake, why is it such a big deal to just call her and ask for a straight answer? It's NOT going to kill you. Even if it's not the answer you want, at least you'll know.

[AndrewJanus]

LOL. Thats what I needed to hear!

I suffer from a severe case of word vomit... I dont want to say the wrong thing...

Im not just stuck on new years either...im talking about the whole thing!

but you are right, Giga...its no use for me to sit around and worry about it...if I got it over with...that means its quicker I could move on...

she gets off here soon...ill give her a call....

thanks!

[AndrewJanus]

So I placed the call... and everything is fine now!

Thanks for the help!

[Car Chick]

It's Christmas, she's probablly just very busy with work parties, getting stuff ready for her kid for Christmas and whaterver.