I really need to know what to do.

[Junket]

Y'know what's funny, he's conflicted with dating her because he knows it's morally frowned upon (aka wrong). His conscious was telling him from the beginning that he shouldn't go through with this.

She, on the other hand, being young, vulnerable, and naive as she is, never felt that this may be immoral, or wrong. In fact, at no point did she point out how or why a relationship with him would be beneficial, and instead just skirted over all the reasons presented, why a relationship like that would cause more hardship than anything else.

Looks like god didn't approve of it either.

[carl1222]

Y'know what's funny, he's conflicted with dating her because he knows it's morally frowned upon (aka wrong). His conscious was telling him from the beginning that he shouldn't go through with this.

She, on the other hand, being young, vulnerable, and naive as she is, never felt that this may be immoral, or wrong. In fact, at no point did she point out how or why a relationship with him would be beneficial, and instead just skirted over all the reasons presented, why a relationship like that would cause more hardship than anything else.

Looks like god didn't approve of it either.

I think her response is typical for someone who was sucked into an inappropriate relationship at such a young age ... even though she is now an adult, she's been conditioned to think it is "right" since the age of 14.

That's why we have laws protecting adolescents.

Carl.

[IndiReloaded]

Oh give me a break. She's 19 now. That's old enough to be thinking for herself. Ppl have actually been *abused* by old coots like this when she wasn't. And THEY figured it out. Probably b/c they had brains, and not fluff, in between their ears.

[carl1222]

Oh give me a break. She's 19 now. That's old enough to be thinking for herself. Ppl have actually been *abused* by old coots like this when she wasn't. And THEY figured it out. Probably b/c they had brains, and not fluff, in between their ears.

I think you are being a bit too tough, Indi ... actual child/adolescent sexual abuse can affect a women's ability to have normal relationships for many many years.

He abused her emotionally since she was 14 and she is just now having to face that fact.

Carl.

[IndiReloaded]

I'm not adverse to good cop/bad cop, Carl. Or buckshot approaches.

[Aeradalia]

Oh give me a break. She's 19 now. That's old enough to be thinking for herself. Ppl have actually been *abused* by old coots like this when she wasn't. And THEY figured it out. Probably b/c they had brains, and not fluff, in between their ears.

Eventually you do 'figure it out' but that's normally in the mid to late twenties... not in the teen years... Been to the groups, met others and have personal experience on this...

I think you are being a bit too tough, Indi ... actual child/adolescent sexual abuse can affect a women's ability to have normal relationships for many many years.

He abused her emotionally since she was 14 and she is just now having to face that fact.

Carl.

It does alter your life... forever... and not much you can do about it other than guess at how life 'should be.' Emotional abuse is the worst with far-reaching consequences...

[carl1222]

I'm not adverse to good cop/bad cop, Carl. Or buckshot approaches.

Whatever helps, Indi

[Car Chick]

And since he didn't, yet he is mature enough to realize these, it really casts questions and puts a shadow of doubt on his intentions.

There is a term in psychology known as "transference and countertransference". These occur when a therapist and patient become too closely attached to each other and begin to share intimacies which will ultimately lead them to inappropriate relationship and interaction. Being a middle aged man he would've been aware of these principles and either ignored the consequences of partaking in them or played along to make sure mutual feelings develop between the two of you at some point in time. You may be too young to realize these concepts Car Chick, but for people like me and other regulars of the forum these are very common subject matters. We are just here to warn you that you might be developing a relationship with a mature man who may have set you up to develop these feelings through inappropriate intimacies since you were 14, that you weren't aware of but most likely he was. He was most likely aware of what he was doing and where his actions would lead to, but he did it anyway. Instead of aggressively pursuing this like less mature men, he gently, but persistently guided you along into where you are now.

Be very careful, is all we are trying to say.

As an avid lover of psychology, I am really interested in this post. I have been thinking back and I see how this is true. The other day when he kissed me, I don't really fully want it. I only partly wanted it, but he lead me into it anyway. I tried to pull away, but he still kissed me. That was very wrong on his part.

[Car Chick]

LOL, why should I read it well? You are coming for free advice online and I'm not being paid for this.

Anyway, after your 3rd post, I decided you aren't looking for advice, just someone to support your stupid decision. You were a young girl with a crush on an older man that you want to make into something more than what it actually is. What a drama queen you must be in real life. I feel sorry for your parents to have such a dum-dum daughter. Must be very frustrating for them.

In case you hadn't noticed yet, no one here will support you. The posters here are all very sensible. Try a high school board if you want ppl who will agree with you.

Yes my dad does hate me. Of course he's a drop-out who has no friends and a s***load of emotional issues, so congrats, you're just like the biggest loser I know. Pat yourself on the back.

[Car Chick]

Y'know what's funny, he's conflicted with dating her because he knows it's morally frowned upon (aka wrong). His conscious was telling him from the beginning that he shouldn't go through with this.

She, on the other hand, being young, vulnerable, and naive as she is, never felt that this may be immoral, or wrong. In fact, at no point did she point out how or why a relationship with him would be beneficial, and instead just skirted over all the reasons presented, why a relationship like that would cause more hardship than anything else.

Looks like god didn't approve of it either.

You're right. God knows better than I do.

[Car Chick]

Oh give me a break. She's 19 now. That's old enough to be thinking for herself. Ppl have actually been *abused* by old coots like this when she wasn't. And THEY figured it out. Probably b/c they had brains, and not fluff, in between their ears.

As apposed to your brain which I am surprised can even figure out how to type.

[Car Chick]

I think you are being a bit too tough, Indi ... actual child/adolescent sexual abuse can affect a women's ability to have normal relationships for many many years.

He abused her emotionally since she was 14 and she is just now having to face that fact.

Carl.

I didn't see at this before Carl, but I think everyone who has said that is right. I was a stupid kid when I met him. We met in a support group for alcaholics. I was really hooked on drugs when we met and trying to straigthen out a screwed up life and I think he saw through that. I've been really stupid. I have been actually listening to your posts because they are kind, not judgemental like Indi. Thank you for kindly showing me the way. I am no longer in contact with Brian.

[Aeradalia]

Car Chick, I hate to say this... but you may very well have been the victim of emotional abuse... especially as a minor. Infatuation is a very powerful emotion and has the propensity to blind you. It is when you feel the 'butterflies' in your stomach and feel like you're walking on the moon that you need your brain the most.

Congrats on figuring this out, because what this guy was trying to do may have been harmless... but then again it may not have been. Enjoy your youth... don't rush it, or you'll spend your later years wishing you hadn't hurried through such years.

[Car Chick]

I followed all the advice on here. We decided not to date. Now I'm miserable. I love him too much to be without him. I know it's probablly not the best idea to date him, but how do I keep myself from being in love with him? How do I restrain myself from kissing him or asking him to be my boyfriend?

[IndiReloaded]

*high fives to Carl*

**rolls eyes at CarChick**