Does she still like me ? :S

[IamTHATguy]

So i made a post here few months ago, my girlfriend who is 20 (Im 19) decided to break up with me, and didn't give much of a reason really and avoided talking about it as much as she could.
She said a few things like "at times it felt like we weren't an item" - the usual girl stuff.

So anyway, i must admit, i still love her, can't stop thinking about her, and i'm wondering if she still feels the same, we see eachother alot, and have been out for a few meals together since, and she gets flirty with me in the day at times and stuff.

I know it's a weird situation and i, and as have youm probably just separated from your ex and moved on. But i have no where near gotten over her, feels like i've gotten more attached to her since we've split.

Yeah, so the problem i ask is, Do you think she still likes me, i dread asking her and telling her how i feel just incase shes being 'really' friendly and doesn't want to try again and telling her would make her feel well to awkward, i've lsot her as a partner which killed me, and i can't lose her as a friend, if you were in my situation would you tell her how you feel?

[Gigabitch]

I would feel resentful that I was the rebound guy for my own ex.

[Indignant]

i can't believe people ask that kind of questions....

[IamTHATguy]

I would feel resentful that I was the rebound guy for my own ex.

Hmm .

[carl1222]

I would feel resentful that I was the rebound guy for my own ex.

Giga is 1,000% right. Plus, she's prolonging your pain by giving you false hope ... you must know that as soon as she finds someone new, your replacement, she will drop you cold. Or worse yet, she'll come to you for sympathy and complain about her new lover.

This is one friend zone you don't need to be in and she's still manipulating you for her own selfish purposes from the grave of your dead relationship.

You ask how would I FEEL? Probably the same as you.

If you were to ask what should you DO? Cut off all ties with her ... completely and right now. Don't contact her in any manner. If she calls you, shut her down. If you see her, turn and go the other way.

I know that's tough ... it's a lot like kicking a drug addiction. But in a way, it is exactly the same because the part that makes you hurt after a breakup is the withdrawal from the brain induced chemicals that got you together in the first place.

Good luck.

Carl.

[vashti]

I agree with giga and carl. This is not a healthy place for you to be in. If you are breaking up, you should move on - not hang around hoping for bits of her love-crumbs to accidentally fall in your lap. Make the break and let yourself heal so you can move forward and find the girl that was meant to be yours.

[IamTHATguy]

to totally ignore her, do yo realize how harder than it sounds that is?

I spose' i could try but thinking about it seems pretty impossible/hard.
I see what you mean but i've liked her for like 2 years and ignoring her just seems ... wrong.. :S

And also, you guys are saying she doesn't have the same feelings for me anymore (or would i have to ask her), she's just (in affect) using me?
It's possible but we've been close for ages and just seems like she wouldn't do that?

[carl1222]

to totally ignore her, do you realize how harder than it sounds that is?

I spose' i could try but thinking about it seems pretty impossible/hard.
I see what you mean but i've liked her for like 2 years and ignoring her just seems ... wrong.. :S

And also, you guys are saying she doesn't have the same feelings for me anymore (or would i have to ask her), she's just (in affect) using me?
It's possible but we've been close for ages and just seems like she wouldn't do that?

I never suggested it wasn't very hard ... in fact I compared it to kicking a heroin addiction when you decide to put down the needle.

She already told you that she doesn't have the same feelings for you anymore ... and remember, she broke up with you! So we're not suggesting that she has lost all romantic feelings for you, she's flat out telling you!

I don't think she's sitting down and saying to herself "lets see how I can use ThatGuy today." She probably looks at it more like trying to salvage a friendship, which is easier for her because she doesn't want more from you.

But you don't want her as just a friend, and you probably won't for a long time, if ever.

So it's not about what she wants, it's about what you need. You have a choice here ... you can try to preserve a non-romantic friendship and take the love-crumbs, as vashti put it, until she finds a new boyfriend ... or you can work on getting yourself ready for your next relationship by doing everything you can to start putting her out of your heart and your head. Your choice can mean the difference
between 6 months or so of intense but gradually fading pain, or pain that can last for years!

Carl.

[IamTHATguy]

I appreciate your posts mate, and do understand, but she hasn't directly said to me "i don't have feelings form you anymore", unless your persuming her breaking up with me was as good as telling me that.

When we first broke up i asked her how she felt and she just answered "i don't know" "i'm not sure at the moment" etc.

I generally just think shes a really good person to be with too, and i see her friendship as a really good one, or am i only seeing it as this as i have the feelings i do for her?

[Cain]

From experience, I can tell you that it will be much harder to move on with your life while she's still in yours. Each day that passes that she's still around is another day that you hang on to hope that one day you will be back together. You continue to miss her and what you had because seeing her continues to refresh those memories. You need to move on and forget her, but she has to be out of your life for that to happen. The fact that you are growing more attached to her while broken up is evidence enough that you aren't capable of remaining friends with her.

[livingthelife]

When a relationship ends, especially if you're not the one who ended it, how to get over someone becomes very important. It’s not always easy to get over a person you’ve been with, though. If you’ve been with that person for a very long time it’s even harder. It might be pretty easy to get over a relationship that’s lasted 3 months. But if you've been with someone for 3 years, it's hard to get over that person at all, let alone get over them quickly.

I'd say you have one of two choices to make.

1. Either break off all ties completely and get started with the getting over her process by removing anything in your home or room that reminds you of her. This isn't always easy to do, but every little bit helps. Maybe even think of some negative things about her if you can.

2. Try to win her back. Show her the "you" she fell in love with, not the “you” that has been dumped. She waswith you because you have certain qualities—kindness, thoughtfulness—not because you’re angry, jealous or hurt. While you might not be able to hide the hurt, concentrate on being the best "you" you can possibly be and you may win her back by reminding her why she loved you in the first place.

Either path you choose won't be an easy one but I do think you need to make a choice now before you get hurt more and not later.

[IndiReloaded]

But she hasn't directly said to me "i don't have feelings form you anymore", unless your presuming her breaking up with me was as good as telling me that.

So you DO understand, you just don't want to believe it.

Yes, her breaking up with you means she doesn't want to be with you anymore. The fact that she hasn't said it explicitly means nothing. Haven't you heard the saying 'actions speak louder than words'?

Let her go, man. Its over. Don't tell her you still care unless you want to look like a total loser.

[Cain]

And I'll make yet another comment from experience, and I think that quite a few people here can confirm I know what I'm talking about... just because she's being flirty with you does NOT mean that she wants to get back together with you. She could simply love the attention and love knowing that you still want her. My ex did the same thing to me and I just had to cut her out of my life completely in order to fix it.

[carl1222]

When a relationship ends, especially if you're not the one who ended it, how to get over someone becomes very important. It’s not always easy to get over a person you’ve been with, though. If you’ve been with that person for a very long time it’s even harder. It might be pretty easy to get over a relationship that’s lasted 3 months. But if you've been with someone for 3 years, it's hard to get over that person at all, let alone get over them quickly.

I'd say you have one of two choices to make.

1. Either break off all ties completely and get started with the getting over her process by removing anything in your home or room that reminds you of her. This isn't always easy to do, but every little bit helps. Maybe even think of some negative things about her if you can.

2. Try to win her back. Show her the "you" she fell in love with, not the “you” that has been dumped. She waswith you because you have certain qualities—kindness, thoughtfulness—not because you’re angry, jealous or hurt. While you might not be able to hide the hurt, concentrate on being the best "you" you can possibly be and you may win her back by reminding her why she loved you in the first place.

Either path you choose won't be an easy one but I do think you need to make a choice now before you get hurt more and not later.

This is advice i HATE to give because it's game playing. But you really have nothing to lose at this point.

There is a third option (or more accurately a variation of the first option).

If you cut off all ties with her, it's possible that she may come to appreciate what she threw away and say "oh sh*t, he isn't chasing me any more!" It's kind of a "nuclear" option but I've heard of it working often enough to seriously consider it.

Besides, even if it doesn't work, no contact is still the best advice anyway.

Carl.

ps ... I don't like the second option much unless THATGuy was mostly at fault. If not, he's the one who was wronged here, not her.

[IamTHATguy]

Maybe you guys are right, maybe if i just ignore her or not ignore her but just don't give much interest to her, maybe i'll get over her. But im at the stage where it feels it's going to be near impossible to get over her cause she seems the perfect person :|

It makes me wonder what cain says about her "loving the attention of knowing that i still like her", i've her her a while and she doesn't seem the person who would think like that but i don't know.
I'm just clinging on to her and one day shes probably going to tell me shes got a new boyfriend which will build all the false hope over time to be a big disappointment.

Maybe i'll take you guys advice and just cut it off with her abit. Will be hard tho'