I need help!

**Danigirly99** · 05-01-09, 06:13 AM

Hello my name is danielle I am 26 years old and engaged to be married on aug 1 09 This past week I had a problem with my love one and found out that he was talking to my best friend of 11 years behind my back. Now my bf is not the best of friends she did me wrong in many ways my fiance had asked certain things that he should not of been asking and I am so scared now my heart is broken but I love this man we been tog for 6. I not sure how to react but he said he was trying to feel wanted by others but would never do anything with anyone he said he could not take the fact that I am always getting hit on but he is not so he wanted to see what people thought about him he is realy down about him self and I just dont see why cause he is so good looking to me and that is all that matters. I asked people about pre marriage canceling and got yes and nos I want to come to people I dont no and see what u think

**lesa** · 05-01-09, 06:21 AM

Ah, I see ths is really hurting you (it's pre marriage counseling and not pre marriage canceling). I am sorry that you are hurting and maybe thinking the marriage should be or may be "cancelled".

It sounds like he has low self esteem? Or maybe he feels neglected in the relationship? It could also be his way of saying "goodbye" to being single...his own bachelor party.

**Danigirly99** · 05-01-09, 06:38 AM

Yeah lol I wrote that wrong lol I am not the smartest puppy lol.
Well when I found out I went insane I never ever got so upset in my life we never had these problems we were always so close and happy and it sucks so bad. He got so upset and he cryed the first time in six years he promises me everyday that he screwed up and he will never do it again and he never did cheat it was only words and this one time. I dont realy want to cancel the wedding. Then again I am so hurt I dont no how I am gone to get over this.

**Mish** · 05-01-09, 07:19 AM

Originally Posted by Danigirly99

This past week I had a problem with my love one and found out that he was talking to my best friend of 11 years behind my back. Now my bf is not the best of friends she did me wrong in many ways my fiance had asked certain things that he should not of been asking and I am so scared now my heart is broken but I love this man we been tog for 6.

Hi Danielle and welcome to the forum

So, what exactly did your fiance and your best friend talk about behind your back? What was he asking?

**carl1222** · 05-01-09, 07:32 AM

As always, Misha asks the essential questions without which we don't have enough info to answer you.

Carl.

**Danigirly99** · 05-01-09, 08:13 AM

Well he asked her how she felt about him and if we were not tog would she have sex and stuff like that I read it all but I was so turn it realy did not stick in my head there was alot missing from my friend stuff like her messages were not all there

**carl1222** · 05-01-09, 08:22 AM

Originally Posted by Danigirly99

Well he asked her how she felt about him and if we were not tog would she have sex and stuff like that I read it all but I was so turn it realy did not stick in my head there was alot missing from my friend stuff like her messages were not all there

That would be enough for me to break the engagement immediately.

And I'm sorry, you don't have to be Shakespeare here ... but the part in bold, I don't understand at all.

Carl.

**Danigirly99** · 05-01-09, 08:27 AM

Sorry what I was trying to explain I read the messages that they wrote to each other but there were messages missing from her cause the first message was from john which is my man and it says from ur last message it looks like ur trying to turn me on in a way. So where is the messages from her how did this all start that I dont understand but he said she wrote him first and that how it went down

**Danigirly99** · 05-01-09, 08:27 AM

brake the engagment but work on things or just leave all tog?

**carl1222** · 05-01-09, 08:37 AM

Originally Posted by Danigirly99

brake the engagment but work on things or just leave all tog?

What part of him explicitely asking her for sex is compatible with you planning to get married to him? Dump him now!

Carl.

**lesa** · 05-01-09, 08:52 AM

And I would dump the friend too--preferably in the same garbage dump.

**damn2008** · 05-01-09, 09:45 AM

I'm not defending him but it seems here that obviously there are self-esteem issues and he has been keeping it in instead of letting them out to you. Instead he talks to your best friend about them.

You mention being "hit on" a lot. Are you receptive to it? Do you welcome and encourage it? I know almost ALL girls love attention, but you have to draw a line to it ESPECIALLY in front of your man because it will make him uneasy, uncomfortable and jealous. And us guys WILL keep these feelings to ourselves and if we talk about them to you, normally we expect you to brush it off as "nothing"...and to YOU, it may be nothing...but it isn't about that...it's about appearances and the appearance that you are feeding off this attention outside of your fiance while he is getting uncomfortable with it.

I feel we are not getting the whole story here...

You have to think about "treating others as you want to be treated yourself".

Still, talking to your best friend about having sex and such is EXTREMELY low...especially because of your engagement...I too would agree that it is a deal-breaker.

**vashti** · 05-01-09, 09:52 AM

Dump the guy and the friend while you still can. Don't wait until you have three kids in tow.

**Mish** · 05-01-09, 09:55 AM

Yeh, their messages sound more than just playful flirting. Although no serious act of physical cheating actually occurred, this does raise questions about the "trustworthiness" of your partner. This puts a black stain on the relationship. The issues of trust are usually the hardest to repair.

It's of course up to you whether you want to continue on and see if things can be fixed or to break up altogether, no one can force you into making one of those choices. But if you ask me, it sounds more trouble than it's worth.

**Danigirly99** · 06-01-09, 05:40 AM

Well I dont think I get hit on at all I not the best looking girl and I dont put myself out like that at all he told me he sees it alot and he cant stand it and he wants to feel wanted himself. I told him that he is wanted by me and thats all he should want now. I thank you guys for all your honesty and I no What I need to do but in my heart I also just dont want to it sucks.
We just bought a house tog. jan of last year as well as the engagment damn what a mistake. I just dont no anymore. You guys are all great though for helping and giving me something to talk to about it.

Thread: I need help!

Thread Tools

I need help!

Posting Permissions