I need to know...

[NewToLove]

Hello, this is my 1st post on this type of forum, I've never asked for advice/oppinion outside my circle of friends, but I felt the need to ask/talk outside my circle for different oppinions from anonymous people.

I am young and probably too young for a relationship, I keep telling myself that I am mature enough to handle a relationship and I'm starting to question myself.

This is my second relationship...

I am dating a girl who has never been in a relationship before, but it feels like she knows how to handle her emotions compared to me.

Today I was emotionally unstable, I started spilling out all my emotions and I asked her for her oppinion and she said I was overreacting. I believe that I might be true...

The problem started when she told me she got invited to go on a trip to Vegas with a friend, but this friend is someone who likes her, and she knows he likes her. I asked her if she wanted to go, but she answered "I don't have the money," and I stopped asking about the topic and let it slip by. But later... I thought.. if she had enough money.. she would've went with the guy.. and I started feeling jealous, I'm not sure if it was anger or sadness.. but I was indeed jealous. Did she think I would be okay with her going to Vegas with a guy who likes her?... Did she even consider my feelings or was she trying to test me.."

But being an over-thinker like usual, I keep thinking... if I tell her that I don't want her to go with the guy to Vegas because I would feel insecure, because I don't know the guy besides knowing that he's a friend of my girlfriend and he likes her. I honestly don't feel comfortable letting my girlfriend being alone with another guy, let alone a guy who has feelings for her... tell me is it alright to feel this way?

This is my first post and I'm not good with explaining my things, so please ask me things that you need clarifying, I really love her... and the jealousy might be out of fear of losing her...

[Aeradalia]

The jealously you feel is normal and stems from a fear of losing her. However, you cannot succumb to this jealousy because you cannot control her actions and it will interfere with the trust that is between you.

She should be capable of doing what she wants... and it is up to her to take your feelings into consideration or not. You cannot force her to do this... no matter how much you would like to.

All relationships are built on trust... trust that the other person won't leave, cheat on you, or hurt you in any way. If she were to go on this trip to Las Vegas... you would be expected to trust that she will not cheat on you.

If you were to force her to stay and not go on such a trip... then she would view you as controlling, distrustful or her, and possibly crazy. This would be very bad for your relationship and could even lead to its ruin.

You can tell her how it would make you feel if she were to go... tell her in a kind and considerate way. She could take this into account... but it's up to her to decide what she will or will not do.

Learn to control your jealousy... it can destroy relationships if left unchecked.

[Bo]

i had to overcome stuff like this in my current relationship with my bf. Jealousy is not a good thing in relationship, especially when the jealousy starts to hurt your partner. And actually sometimes jealousy causes even more problems because some ppl will take on the mindset of "well if u already think i'm going to cheat, than i might as well just do it". You have to learn to keep it under control, and over analyzing things will make u stress a lot more than u need to. I had to learn that the hard way, and even now i'll slip up here and there but it's just something u have to get over. U and your gf have to set boundaries for your relationship, or else something like that comes up and all of a sudden everything goes haywire because u've never discussed what would be ok if certain situations came up.

[NewToLove]

I know for a fact that for me to control her would be devastating to myself, because I would only feel selfishness and of course I trust her, but do I trust the other guy? I don't know if I'm being sexist.. but what if the guy makes a move... she would tell me and how would I handle it? I know I'm not good at controlling my emotions and I don't want to feel such pain.

Recently, I have been trying to reply to her questions without my emotions... was that right? it's been making me feel depressed lately.. not being able to show my emotions.. but how do I show my emotions to her without controlling her actions?

Maybe it's alright if I just let my feelings out and be honest on how I feel all the time? but I keep thinking she won't like it when I feel forceful with my feelings.

So my question is.. should I just stick to telling her my feelings and be honest?

So if she told me again

She: "I got invited to Vegas with my friend Harley."

should I reply telling her

A. "I would feel a lot better if you don't go to Vegas with him"

B. "If you want to, it's up to you" <-- I told her that.

C. "How would you feel if I went to Vegas with a girl that likes me?"

D. "No!"

I don't know what to say.. so I went with the most emotionless answer... "up to you"...

and it really hurt...

so can someone please give me an explanation... what is she thinking when she said "Don't let Jealousy overcome our relationship" after the conversation on the topic we had and I feel like she's not even taking my feelings into consideration when she told me she got invited to Vegas by a guy who likes her... what did she expect me to say?

[carl1222]

Hello, this is my 1st post on this type of forum, I've never asked for advice/oppinion outside my circle of friends, but I felt the need to ask/talk outside my circle for different oppinions from anonymous people.

I am young and probably too young for a relationship, I keep telling myself that I am mature enough to handle a relationship and I'm starting to question myself.

This is my second relationship...

I am dating a girl who has never been in a relationship before, but it feels like she knows how to handle her emotions compared to me.

Today I was emotionally unstable, I started spilling out all my emotions and I asked her for her oppinion and she said I was overreacting. I believe that I might be true...

The problem started when she told me she got invited to go on a trip to Vegas with a friend, but this friend is someone who likes her, and she knows he likes her. I asked her if she wanted to go, but she answered "I don't have the money," and I stopped asking about the topic and let it slip by. But later... I thought.. if she had enough money.. she would've went with the guy.. and I started feeling jealous, I'm not sure if it was anger or sadness.. but I was indeed jealous. Did she think I would be okay with her going to Vegas with a guy who likes her?... Did she even consider my feelings or was she trying to test me.."

But being an over-thinker like usual, I keep thinking... if I tell her that I don't want her to go with the guy to Vegas because I would feel insecure, because I don't know the guy besides knowing that he's a friend of my girlfriend and he likes her. I honestly don't feel comfortable letting my girlfriend being alone with another guy, let alone a guy who has feelings for her... tell me is it alright to feel this way?
This is my first post and I'm not good with explaining my things, so please ask me things that you need clarifying, I really love her... and the jealousy might be out of fear of losing her...

Yes, it's alright to feel that way. If she's in a relationship with you, going off with a guy she knows wants a romantic relationship with her is totally out of line. Even if she doesn't feel "that way" about him ... she's abusing his feelings for her.

Carl.

[NewToLove]

i had to overcome stuff like this in my current relationship with my bf. Jealousy is not a good thing in relationship, especially when the jealousy starts to hurt your partner. And actually sometimes jealousy causes even more problems because some ppl will take on the mindset of "well if u already think i'm going to cheat, than i might as well just do it". You have to learn to keep it under control, and over analyzing things will make u stress a lot more than u need to. I had to learn that the hard way, and even now i'll slip up here and there but it's just something u have to get over. U and your gf have to set boundaries for your relationship, or else something like that comes up and all of a sudden everything goes haywire because u've never discussed what would be ok if certain situations came up.

I understand how jealousy can affect and jeapordize my relationship.. it's exactly what happened to my last relationship, but what should I do? I don't want to sound like a parent to her and tell her what to do and how the guy cannot be trusted.. is it something I must do? I want to be a boyfriend... not a father... who needs a second father? or I'm just not thinking straight...

and how would I discuss this topic with her? do I ask/tell her, "what would you say and think if I said I got invited to Vegas with another girl who likes and has feelings for me?" or "how would you feel if I went to Vegas with someone who has feelings for me?" do I attack her that way? or do I look pathetic and emotionally unstable to tell her?

It just bothers me.. when she says "don't let jealousy overcome our relationship" when I'm always taking her feelings into consideration on what I do and it feels like she doesn't return the favor by brining up topics that would make me jealous... is she doing this purposely to get my attention, to get my love.. or is she enjoying the pain and agony I'm feeling?... or... does she need to learn a lesson?...

[Bo]

carl is right, you shouldn't tell her what to do, but she should know what she should do. And that's probably where the real issue comes up. I wouldn't suggest being overly emotional about everything but u do need to tell her how u feel because she's not going to know unless u tell her how you're feelings about it.
And it's understandable when u say you trust her but not the guy but if u trusted her than u should trust that she will tell the guy to knock it off if he tried anything.

[NewToLove]

carl is right, you shouldn't tell her what to do, but she should know what she should do. And that's probably where the real issue comes up. I wouldn't suggest being overly emotional about everything but u do need to tell her how u feel because she's not going to know unless u tell her how you're feelings about it.
And it's understandable when u say you trust her but not the guy but if u trusted her than u should trust that she will tell the guy to knock it off if he tried anything.

Thanks... but there's a problem left... last time I told her to tell another guy to knock it off, she tried as hard as she could, but the guy wouldn't stop and she wouldn't let me talk to the guy... why not? sometimes I feel like I need to protect her because on occasion.. I have to guide her... I want no harm to befall her.. and more importantly... I love her too much to share.. I'm selfish.

[Cain]

Thanks... but there's a problem left... last time I told her to tell another guy to knock it off, she tried as hard as she could, but the guy wouldn't stop and she wouldn't let me talk to the guy... why not? sometimes I feel like I need to protect her because on occasion.. I have to guide her... I want no harm to befall her.. and more importantly... I love her too much to share.. I'm selfish.

I've asked the girl I'm talking to about this kind of a situation. She told me that she'd want to handle it and if the guy persisted and wouldn't leave her alone, then she'd want me to step in. That's the perfect answer. I'm honestly not sure why you're girl would have a problem with you stepping in when he won't listen to her unless she secretly likes the attention.

[Junket]

So, how old are you two?

[NewToLove]

Okay, the situation ended well for me, she figured out what I was thinking and told me that she would've invited me to Vegas with her and wouldn't have gone without me... Now I just feel guilty and I want to know how to patch things up... I thank everyone who had helped me make my decisions when talking to her.