afraid to approach him

[Nina]

His work is exactly opposite mine and we see each other everyday. We re not even friends; I just really like him and found myself missing him and thinking of him more and more, I can and do stare at him at work and I think I might be in love.
Thing is many what ifs are dancing in my head; like what if he's attached? what if he's not interested in me? what if he hurts me like my ex did (he was my first and 30 whole years older than me and I had to dump him after 6,5 years). what if I mess up so I have no reason to go to work?
It's my first time at this work and I'm having a hard time but it's vital for my future and I can't give it up; what if I mess up with the guy I go to work because I like seeing? what could he be thinking? should I make the first move risking all these or he'll get scared and I'll ruin my chances?

[carl1222]

Considering that you hardly know this guy, I doubt that your feelings for him are love ... but are infatuation (a "crush") instead or even just physical attraction. How long has it been since you broke up with your last boyfriend?

Since your last long-term relationship had an enormous age gap, it would be useful to know how old you are now and how old is the new guy?

I think approaching the new guy with your feelings at this point would be a big mistake and probably would scare him off. If you want to pursue something with him, get to know him much better as friends first.

Finally, as you already realize, getting romantically involved at work can cause real problems and is usually a bad idea.

Carl.

[Nina]

Considering that you hardly know this guy, I doubt that your feelings for him are love ... but are infatuation (a "crush") instead or even just physical attraction. How long has it been since you broke up with your last boyfriend?

Since your last long-term relationship had an enormous age gap, it would be useful to know how old you are now and how old is the new guy?

I don't know if it is infatuation; maybe so. I've never dated believe it or not. I'm 27+ now, with the ex we got physical right away so we never got to flirt. I don't know how to. It's been 6 months since I broke up. The new guy is younger than me; around 23

[carl1222]

I'm not a psychologist, Nina ... but one thing does strike me.

You entered your FIRST romantic relationship at about age 20 with a man of about 50 years old, and stayed with him for the next 6 1/2 years. Now you're out of that relationship and find yourself infatuated with a 23 year old ... precisely the age of the men you should have been with back when you were 20.

Do you think you might be trying to regain the lost part of your youth (not that you're old ... but you know what I mean)?

You have several things going against you:

1) He has shown no interest in knowing you;
2) He's a co-worker; and
3) He's somewhat less likely to be attracted to you than he would be to a woman closer to his own age or even younger. I remember that at age 23, I was still chasing the college girls.

Carl.

[Nina]

to regain the lost part of my youth? ya i know what u mean ok I mean my ex did waste my years or at least that's how I feel but I didn't know the new guy's age when I started to like him.
Also I'm not good with the language enough to know if the word 'infatuation' implies only sexual attraction, but I m not sexually attracted to the guy, i like a lot the personality characteristics of him that I know and that's all.
if u want something psycological, blame me for self sapotaging my relationships; the first, the older guy was my prof.. talking about drama. See double roles and obstacles of society are not what I do for the first time anyway. Why I do it is another thing; I have no clue.

[carl1222]

to regain the lost part of my youth? ya i know what u mean ok I mean my ex did waste my years or at least that's how I feel but I didn't know the new guy's age when I started to like him.
Also I'm not good with the language enough to know if the word 'infatuation' implies only sexual attraction, but I m not sexually attracted to the guy, i like a lot the personality characteristics of him that I know and that's all.
if u want something psycological, blame me for self sapotaging my relationships; the first, the older guy was my prof.. talking about drama. See double roles and obstacles of society are not what I do for the first time anyway. Why I do it is another thing; I have no clue.

Infatuation is an involuntary hormone (body chemistry) reaction to a combination of physical (sexual) attraction and attraction to his personality. It's the thing that makes you stare at him, makes you feel good when he's nearby, makes you miss him when he is not and makes you think about him a lot ... just like you described. It FEELS a lot like love, but it really isn't because it is much more self-centered (about how YOU feel).

I think you may be fooling yourself if you say there is no sexual attraction. If it were all just attraction to his personality, then you would only think of him as a possible friend and you would have no worries.

Carl.

[Nina]

In June I leave his town and be relocated, I don't know where, at work and I won't see him again. It wouldn't be fair to anyone if I approached him anyway, even as a friend. I won't be there for long. But this is driving me insane for the months I'm here. idk what to do.
And what if he's taken? I wouldn't risk being through such a dilemma (like this girl [URL="http://www.loveforum.net/love-advice-forum/26710-omg-he-already-has-gf.html#post409727"]http://www.loveforum.net/love-advice-forum/26710-omg-he-already-has-gf.html#post409727[/URL]). I go to work everyday only with the motive to see him now; if I mess up and lose that motive I won't have a reason to go to work and probably give it up which I can't do if I want my own good for my future career. See I don't try to get to know him better as a friend even, afraid of that. btw he's not a coworker, as someone here said, his job is just very close and exactly opposite to where I work so I see him everyday.
So I guess the question is how do I set aside my feelings for a guy I see on a daily basis and go to work because of him being there.