Winning her back

[survivor08]

Why are you out to please us? It's not our life.

You're missing the basic point of our suggestions. FIX YOUR LIFE, then go date. Don't worry about her little hoochie ass, don't worry about him banging her little hoochie ass like a screen door in a hurricane or riding her like he's working for the gotdamned pony express.

WORK ON YOU. Move on with fixing your life, for yourself. Not for her, not to prove her wrong, just for you. Nothing more, nothing less. It's your life, you have to be happy living it. You've stated a bunch of things that you feel make you loser-ish, so fix them.

Stop worrying about dating. It isn't the end of the world to not date someone for a while. Fix your shit. That's what we've been saying. Forget her, forget him. Focus on YOU.

Funny but good advice right here. This applies to me too: work on myself.

Dude, work on yourself, you will have weak moments, we all do, Love has a way of humiliating you, that is ok, grow your balls back, work on yourself, then other chicks will come knocking...

[and_for_what]

Still sounds pretty gay to me, tbh. I've no interest in other girls and never have had. Some people are straight, some are gay, well I'm basically into her and that's about it.

[Cain]

Still sounds pretty gay to me, tbh. I've no interest in other girls and never have had. Some people are straight, some are gay, well I'm basically into her and that's about it.

Like I said... pathetic.

I'm starting to wonder if this is a troll post. It would have to be if you're comparing sexuality to being with this whore of a woman.

[Lite]

Still sounds pretty gay to me, tbh. I've no interest in other girls and never have had. Some people are straight, some are gay, well I'm basically into her and that's about it.

Nothing gay about it. You weren't born into her. People are born gay. There's a difference. You cannot fix her problems, you cannot make her happy. You can fix your problems, you can make yourself happy. People grow and change, sometimes you grow together, sometimes you grow apart, but the point is you're always growing or your drowning and stagnant.

You've admitted you have things in your life that you'd like to fix, things that make you a less than ideal mate. Why not fix those. Maybe she'll come back, maybe not. Either way are you going to live your life according to what you know is true about yourself. That is, if you'll stop and gain some perspective.

[survivor08]

[QUOTE=Lite;410835]Nothing gay about it. You weren't born into her. People are born gay. There's a difference. You cannot fix her problems, you cannot make her happy. =QUOTE]


Lite-you sound pretty mature. question?

I know you cannot make a person happy? But can you make someone UNHAPPY? That is a big reason people brake relationships.

[Lite]

[quote=survivor08;410841]

Nothing gay about it. You weren't born into her. People are born gay. There's a difference. You cannot fix her problems, you cannot make her happy. =QUOTE]


Lite-you sound pretty mature. question?

I know you cannot make a person happy? But can you make someone UNHAPPY? That is a big reason people brake relationships.

Well, you can do things that directly contribute to them being unhappy if they allow you to do them. There's kind of a difference between dumping someone because they cheated, and letting someone perpetually cheat on you because you don't feel you're worth more.

People can contribute to your base happiness, or unhappiness. But the base of that is yours and yours alone to develop, nurture, and provide the necessary environment for that to grow in. I could be unhappy for you driving drunk and putting me in a wheelchair, but I still made the base decision to ride in the car with you.

[and_for_what]

You've admitted you have things in your life that you'd like to fix, things that make you a less than ideal mate. Why not fix those. Maybe she'll come back, maybe not. Either way are you going to live your life according to what you know is true about yourself. That is, if you'll stop and gain some perspective.

That was my very, very first thought after I stopped crying hysterically. I've made what changes I can to my physical world (e.g. my house and stuff like that), and I believe I've come to terms with what and how to change in my mind and my behaviour. That's something I have to manage myself, though - like I said before, what I want help with is getting a second chance so that she can witness the changes and hopefully discover me all over again.

[Cain]

That was my very, very first thought after I stopped crying hysterically. I've made what changes I can to my physical world (e.g. my house and stuff like that), and I believe I've come to terms with what and how to change in my mind and my behaviour. That's something I have to manage myself, though - like I said before, what I want help with is getting a second chance so that she can witness the changes and hopefully discover me all over again.

You can't beg or ask for that chance. You won't convince her. We've told you what to do to get that chance and that is to give her time to miss you. She won't when you're in her life every day. All it will do is reinforce the fact that she doesn't want to be with you.

If there's any advice I can give to you it's to actually listen to people with experience. I've gone through the same chasing thing and did it for nearly five months with my ex playing games just as yours is... except worse. And I finally said **** it. You've got to do the same thing.

[Lite]

what I want help with is getting a second chance so that she can witness the changes and hopefully discover me all over again.

The thing is, those changes you need to make take a good deal of time and effort to overcome. Especially things surrounding personal growth. It sounds like you do not value yourself as well as you should as a person.

As for the second chance, I wouldn't ever consider giving her one until she had done some serious soul-searching about why she screwed me over first. And you're talking to someone who just married a woman who did just that.

Second chances can happen, but in this case, it took years and I'm quite grateful for that.

[and_for_what]

You can't beg or ask for that chance. You won't convince her. We've told you what to do to get that chance and that is to give her time to miss you. She won't when you're in her life every day. All it will do is reinforce the fact that she doesn't want to be with you.

I keep saying I'm not going to beg her or ask her or anything of the sort. I'm just going to stay in her life and let her see for herself. I'm not going to dissappear, though, because she won't miss me - not with the new guy here. If we just seperated and were both single then that would make more sense, but with him there then don't you think I ought to maintain a low-key presense in her life, just to keep things ticking over?

[Cain]

I keep saying I'm not going to beg her or ask her or anything of the sort. I'm just going to stay in her life and let her see for herself. I'm not going to dissappear, though, because she won't miss me - not with the new guy here. If we just seperated and were both single then that would make more sense, but with him there then don't you think I ought to maintain a low-key presense in her life, just to keep things ticking over?

No, because she'll have everything she wants. She'll have a friend to talk to when her and her bf have a problem and she'll have him to go home and ****. All you're doing is making the whole situation that much more perfect for her.

If she doesn't miss you, then she obviously wasn't that in love with you to start with. If you were a better guy and she missed what you both had, no guy would be able to make her forget that.

[IndiReloaded]

Its not even what Cain said, tho he's right. Its more about whether keeping this connection will prevent YOU from finding someone who will be yours.

If I were this gal, I'd cut you loose. Out of kindness.

[and_for_what]

Right well you're all saying it's hopeless no matter what I do, basically - so I'll go ahead and try something. So what if it means I spend an extra day, week or month agonising over it all? I have nothing to lose

[Cain]

Right well you're all saying it's hopeless no matter what I do, basically - so I'll go ahead and try something. So what if it means I spend an extra day, week or month agonising over it all? I have nothing to lose

This is your problem. You make it seem like this woman is your whole world. It shouldn't be that way. No woman should have this kind of a hold on you.

And we're saying you shouldn't want to be with her. But if you truly want a second chance, the only way you'll get that chance is to take a break from contact with her and get your life back on track. Give her time to miss you.

In my opinion, as well as most others here, you shouldn't want to be with her. Find someone worth it. She certainly isn't.

[Lite]

I have nothing to lose

Nothing but pride, or self respect, or her. Maybe you'll piss her off so that she'd never consider giving you another chance. It's just that, you can' force her to give you that chance. We're saying tend to you, let the chips fall where they may on the other part.