Dating Question

[TheTooya]

Well, this question has been looming in my mind for sometime, and I am not entirely sure what is the more common answer. My dilemma is knowing at what point asking someone out is a good or bad idea.

From previous experience, I would only ask a girl on a date if I was absolutely infatuated with her, this lead to a slew of rejections, but I had a few relationships out of this too....

My last relationship, I asked a girl out who I wasn't particularly interested in, more as a 'why not' ... which ended up being a year-long relationship, then she turned crazy. ...

About a month and a half ago, I asked a girl I was pretty interested in, but not entire infatuated over. We had 2 dates, and that was it...

Annnyhow, moving forward from the background information, I was curious/confused what is the typical norm for dating. I am 21 and know enough to have the balls to ask someone out if I am really interested in them... but what if I 'kind-of' interested, as in theres a little chemistry going on?

I guess this topic comes down to asking:
Do you have a certain threshold of interest before asking someone out?

[Only-virgins]

I don't want to date people I am not particularly interested in ever. The women has to approach me unless my brain is in a insane rage of infatuation/love for a girl...I will than make my moves. I am way to lazy and mellow to ask women out that I don't really care that much for...to much effort for someone I don't even like.

[yegdulps]

I personally don't have a threshold. I might ask out a girl even if I'm not massively interested in her if I think that she's interesting to talk to. So even if there is no chemistry I still have a good night.

I'm currently sort of seeing a girl I'm not really into (still into another girl) but she's fun and easy to talk to, so why not? She's also four years older than me and not the type of girl I'd usually go for. Always interesting to talk to new people though.

[lastwish]

I ask people out only if I am interested. But I'm female. Asking out to me is a statement of romantic interest.

I don't understand people who ask people out merely because they want to talk to new people. I mean...isn't that reserved for group outings and activities? Especially for men, why would you spend money on someone you're not entirely into?

[yegdulps]

I don't understand people who ask people out merely because they want to talk to new people. I mean...isn't that reserved for group outings and activities? Especially for men, why would you spend money on someone you're not entirely into?

I usually split the bill and I'd have to eat either way.

[lastwish]

I usually split the bill and I'd have to eat either way.

This is why ladies look at whether a guy pay or not on the first date as indicator of romantic interest. Friends do the same things as you described. So...I am guessing if you genuinely like a lady, then you would be verbally blunt with your interest?

[yegdulps]

So...I am guessing if you genuinely like a lady, then you would be verbally blunt with your interest?

No, this doesn't seem to work too well. I just start flirting with her and become a little bit touchy (not creepy touchy).
I wouldn't pay the bill if I was romantically interested either though. Weeds out girls that just want to use you.

[TheTooya]

I ask people out only if I am interested. But I'm female. Asking out to me is a statement of romantic interest.

I don't understand people who ask people out merely because they want to talk to new people. I mean...isn't that reserved for group outings and activities? Especially for men, why would you spend money on someone you're not entirely into?

Hmm, well then would it make sense for someone to ask someone out based on a slight romantic interest?

I consistently meet new girls, and sometimes I get interested in some of them, but am unsure if asking them on a date would seem abnormal or unnatural if I don't know thier personality too well.


The way I use to do this, was wait until I had a strong strong sense of infatuation, and go on from there. Kinda like what OV said. There are people that I get *some* level of infatuation, but I am not sure if I should just leave it or pursue it, because its more of a toned down infatuation too...

... Does this actually make sense? :x

[BarnBurner]

For me, there's a slew of things that attract me to a woman.

From my experience: You'll get the most date by just asking anybody. I know you've heard this before....it's a numbers game. And it's true.

Anyway, I like to wait until I find something that interests us both and will ask her out to DO or WATCH that specific thing....and just play it by ear during the first date. The first date is really like a job interview. And remember is goes two ways, she'll be feeling you out for stuff as well. I'd like to say "Be honest; don't lie" but that seldom yields results. Don't be afraid to warp the truth a little bit, especially since she'll be doing the very same thing.