Getting over him

[misombra]

aw love in the mountains. those are always my favorite stories.

but yeah, it was good while it lasted. time to move on. sometimes guys will say and do anything to get you into the bed with them.

[lovesjoyajm]

sometimes guys will say and do anything to get you into the bed with them.

?? What makes you think it was like that?

[misombra]

you said you was laying in the bed with him.

[lovesjoyajm]

Yeah, that's true, I was just confused by your assumption that he "would say and do anything to get me into the bed with him." It was mostly a mutual decision to share a bed (not have sex) - while he suggested it the first time, it was after I had just kissed him. Not like it matters, anyway.

Actually, thinking about how to respond to this (who seduced whom, haha) has kind of given me a clearer picture of our "relationship", so thanks.

[scholar of love]

I sent him a letter a month ago and I really, really expected that he'd respond (the letter was casual and talked about books and what I've been up to - nothing serious).

they say men r from mars n women r from venus. coz we function in a different way. when ur letter seems too casual & looks like no purpose, he thinks dat its ok for him not replying. yes, its much safer that way but we end up not getting what we want.

i dunno whats inside ur letter. but if ur letter is just 'about books and what I've been up to - nothing serious', mayb what u did was juz telling about ur latest news, i guess. he dont see ur porspose, so why should he reply?

i dont write letters so i dont know 'the game' in depth. but i think what should b in ur letter/email are

1. some topics he like the most. say hes #1 interest is cooking, mayb u tried a new recipe n thought that u both should have it 2gether sumday.

2. ask info/opinion about things he like, mayb ask him about his recipe 4 the dish u had 2gether, if hes into cooking.

3. subtle statement dat u want 2 see him again. like 'glad we do dat cool stuff 2gether. dont 4get 2 drop by if u hv sumthg cool 2 do 2gether' kinda stuff.

4. tease/denial jokes. a girl text me sumthg like dis "hey. i just finish watching a classic movie with my sis n cant stop thinking of u....." i felt flattered n eager at the same time n replid. she replied back "hv u watch space jam? daffy ducks mouth looks exactly like ur beak. i cant tell. :p". it puts me on an emotional roller coaster. coz i tot he thinks of me watching 007 or brad pitts movie kindo stuff. 'she must b interested in me' i tot. but daffy duck? naughty! i feel like biting her everywhere. it makes me realized dat i hv feelings of wanting her 2 think of me. n i think dats a subset of LOVE.

but just remember lovesjoyajm. finding love needs a right balance of hope and let-go. love is like a butterfly 2 me. so cute. but if u try 2 chase it it flys away. doing nothing, all u can do is watch.

so i think the best policy 4 u is make some strategic efforts, but if u fail, feel good about yourself n dont be needy. "well, at least i tried 2 gain my love. if i keep on trying casually n learn more about love, the time will come".

we look the world not as the way it is, but as we feel it. in the end reality is only a perception. perceive better, ur reality will get better.

good luck!

[moonriverlove]

good point

[lovesjoyajm]

What's with all the butterfly analogies?

[Gigabitch]

I think you should smear some butter on him and tell him he looks fly.

[lovesjoyajm]

I think you should smear some butter on him and tell him he looks fly.

Giga!

How can you post something like that - now that we know how dangerous smearing butter on people can be...

[lovesjoyajm]

it's been 2 months since i last heard from him... I've spent the last two months making leaps and bounds of progress in getting over him - better than I've ever really managed it before.

Then he emails. Two days ago. It kind of annoyed me, especially because I was worried about coming home and having all the old ghosts back. I was doing fine (I think) with "he thought it was for the best that we don't talk anymore" - I don't understand the point of dredging things back up.

So I can't decide how to write back - normal? cool? honest? not at all?

[LadieNisha4u2nv]

Honestly I havent read everything, so this is in response to your last post.

He asked for no contact, so YOU initiate it by not responding to his email. He's probably expecting you to break down and beg for friendship. Dont feed into it. Ignore it and continue moving on.

[misombra]

ignore. then you'll be ignoring him and he can know how it feels.

[lovesjoyajm]

He asked for no contact, so YOU initiate it by not responding to his email. He's probably expecting you to break down and beg for friendship. Dont feed into it. Ignore it and continue moving on.

He never actually asked for no contact - he just didn't respond to my last contact till now, and I chose to interpret that as Giga suggested, that he didn't want to do any more damage so he just cut things off.

[lovesjoyajm]

I wrote back to his email after about 3 days. Then I deleted his email and my response as well as his address from my contacts (out of the trash, too.) I think I should have listened to Misombra and just ignored it, but it felt rude. (Flimsy excuse, I know.) The way I look at it now, either he thinks it's best to keep in touch, or he thinks it's best to cut contact, and he's failed with both of those by leaving me wondering for over 2 months and then emailing again. But, whatever, I'm glad to be back in Germany away from scene of my emotional meltdown, back to make more progress - I'm starting to think a lot less about him, and it's really encouraging.

eta:

i know this thread is way way dead, but whatever.

I just got a response from him and it pissed me off, a lot. He started off with "don't have much time..." and then proceeded to respond to each of my questions/observations/whatever basically with a bullet point. No questions or apologies for ignoring me for 2 months, but suddenly he feels so compelled to answer within a few weeks that he gives me this crappy, let's-get-this-out-of-the-way excuse of an email. Well, I guess I have all the proof I've been asking for. I deleted this email without responding and don't intend to.

Sorry to vent, I've just had a really emotional day with family stuff and this was just a lovely way to end it.

[lovesjoyajm]

I finally took your advice, Miso, and didn't respond to his email this time. It feels pretty good. I have an email sitting in my outbox that basically asks him not to contact me, which I'll send if he does write me again, but I doubt he will.