Please Help-Need Advice Fast!!!

[BeLoved0429]

Well- There is this guy that I have talked to on and off for about 2 years. Things never got to serious though, but no relationship ever got to serious with him. Hes really indecsisive when it comes to relationships and he changes his mind alot. but for some odd reason- im stuck on him. Its like we'd start talking alot then hed change his mind- then id move on... and hed want me back. I had one sort-of-serious relationship that I just got out of and hed tell me how hard it was for him to see and hear me with the other guy. He told me how much I meant to him and how much he always had cared for me... throughout we were always somewhat "best friends". So after I ended things with the other guy and a few months went by- I thought Id give him a chance again because THIS TIME i thought things were different and he made it seem like they would of been. Well... we started talking again (for the hundredth time!!) and then somehow he found out a couple days earlier I had kissed my ex. To me it was just a friendly kiss, thats all. But to him- it obviously wasnt and he stopped talking to me, calling, and whatever. I tried talking to him and letting him know, but nothing got through to him... not to mention he never returned my phone calls. Id talk to his best friend (which is also one of my good friends) and he told me that he thinks I am just playing games with him... but thats not it!! Im really serious about things and I want things to work. I dont think its fair that he got mad at something to this extent when it happened before things with me and him even began to happen. So I thought Id give him some time to think things over and then try to talk to him? He means alot to me and I want him to know if he gave me the chance I would treat him right, but the truth is- he has never given me the chance because hes so scared of getting hurt! How do you get through to someone like this!!! Its hard for me to keep all this in without telling him so what do I do?? And its not like I dont see him or anything- hes part of my group of friends and I see him practically everyday which tears me up knowing I cant have him. ADVICE?!?!

[zas]

i am in nearly the same situation! it sucks seriously that the guy im seeing also is too scared of getting hurt, and wont hardly give me a chance with him, so im currently "waiting" for him to get to the stage where he could handle a relationship. its very hard to get through to someone like that, you just gotta let him see for himself what a great person you are. obviously in your case this guy thinks you are playing games with him, my advice to you would be to let him cool off and think about things between you, dont call him.
if he wants to talk to you, he will call you! try not to act insecure about the current status of the relationship, putting pressure on him etc, i find this just winds my guy up because we have talked about it so many times. you can either wait for him to come to you, or move on...your choice!
also you could play it quite cool, men are normally up for somewhat of a challenge with women, have you been "chasing" him? if so, STOP!! if he likes you enough he will soon come to you.

hope this helps =)

[Uncertain]

Are you sure he's heterosexual?

[zas]

[GBRaul]

Erm uncertain what did you mean by that? Anyway, I agree with what zas said. Just play it cool.

[BeLoved0429]

i am in nearly the same situation! it sucks seriously that the guy im seeing also is too scared of getting hurt, and wont hardly give me a chance with him, so im currently "waiting" for him to get to the stage where he could handle a relationship. its very hard to get through to someone like that, you just gotta let him see for himself what a great person you are. obviously in your case this guy thinks you are playing games with him, my advice to you would be to let him cool off and think about things between you, dont call him.
if he wants to talk to you, he will call you! try not to act insecure about the current status of the relationship, putting pressure on him etc, i find this just winds my guy up because we have talked about it so many times. you can either wait for him to come to you, or move on...your choice!
also you could play it quite cool, men are normally up for somewhat of a challenge with women, have you been "chasing" him? if so, STOP!! if he likes you enough he will soon come to you.

hope this helps =)

Hey- Thanks for your advice! It was alot of help to see someone elses perspective on my issue. It sucks that your going through somewhat of the same issue, doesnt it just drive you crazy!!! The thing is- I totally know where your coming from and Ive seen over the years that guys DO like the challenge, but its so hard because all I want to do is just tell him how I really feel and stop fronting like its all okay when it kills me. I know there really is nothing I can do to get him to come around, and I have other options- but all I seem to think about is him. He just doesnt get it. Something I forgot to mention before was the guy I told you I would talk to about the situation, his best friend, well truthfully he used to be 'in love' with a few years back and I never saw anything more with us then friends... So one of my friends thinks he might of made me look even worse because of the simple fact that he used to like me so much. Hes told me before how much it kills him to see me talking to his friends, and that statement he made about wanting me to get hurt so I know how it feels. So... once I kind of thought he might be making matters worse- I stopped talking to him about it. The only reason I DID talk to him about it was because he always asked me about how I felt and tried to pry things out of me... so I thought maybe he was just helping and being mature about it- but I kind of think now he made matters worse. We'd always been good friends anyway so it wasnt weird to be talking to him about it.
I dont know... BUT THANKS FOR YOUR ADVICE!! It did help alot. I guess theres not much for me to do anyway other than wait it out.

[zas]

yeah the best thing to do is wait for him to come around. dont open up *too* soon, eg telling him you've never felt this way before ? i did that and it kinda creeped him out. then he wouldnt talk to me lol cos i scared him or something. but when that happened i just left him to it and he came running in the end. it bugs be like hell when he doesnt txt/come online in days, but for example he dint come online in like 3 days, i never contacted him atall and last night he was like "awww i miss you" so yeah it does work with them =)
and as for the other guy, yeah he probably makes the situation worse, but its not your fault he has feelings for you! with him you just need to tell him straight, just say you're not interested.