she "thinks" she loves me?

[richeanne]

Look there's no point in stayin in a stagnant relationship. Both of U need to grow up. Bein a massochist wont do u good. And if u feel that she doesnt love u anymore, just leave and give your hand and porns a rest.^^

[Tashi]

You don't have to stop loving her. You don't even have to leave her, if that's not what you think is right.

But, you do need to make sure she respects you, or you will never have a fulfilling relationship where you both benefit.

She doesn't respect you right now. You will suffer for this. Eventually SHE will leave YOU if you don't do something. You know this, else you wouldn't have posted here.

I think you should tell her the things that bother you. I think you should suggest you *take a break* from the relationship. A couple of weeks should do it. Tell her you'd like both of you to think about the best way to be treating each other, and how you can both do better. If she truly cares for you, this will shake up her world a bit. And this gal needs some shaking, so its a good thing.

Leave her alone for those 2 weeks. Seriously. Do not grovel and cry and tell her how much you miss her. You need to grow up in this regard. You will be better for it, longterm, just believe this. And so will she. Your relationship will be better for it. Noone wants to be partnered with a doormat.

Good luck.

thanks, I think I will try this... it sounds quite promising, although it probably wont be easy.. i have considered breaks before, but it's hard on me. I even have trouble sleeping when I am alone. But I guess that is what you ment about growing up...

Again, Thank you for your answer, now I'll think of a good way to arrange this (CAN be a little hard when attending same class 5 days a week), but if it can help, I will most definatly try it

Richeanne> yeah, we need to grow up, but... why are you assuming I watch porn? and give my hand a rest? uhhh, while we don't have sex, we ARE doing something, me being the reciever 70 % of the time, so considering THAT factor, it would be best to stick around her. Especially from what i've heard, it seems most people only do it about 2-3 times a week (no idea if that is true), but we do it... i don't know, 4-6 times a week?

sooo, screw porn I have a girlfriend xD and btw, you people are taking it too seriously, it's not like i'm bleeding and recieve huge marks after a punch O.o it is mentally, not psysically it hurts. Anyway, thanks for the help xD

[UKboy]

I have... a small problem with my fiancee for the moment... I am seriously confused over her behavior, and it pains me deeply whenever she hits me, yells at me, along with other aggressive actions. And today I asked her if she loved me (just randomly on our way home) and she said "I think I do. Isn't that enough?", which... kinda confused me.

While it hurts me deeply, and makes me feel hated, I simply cannot lose any love for this girl, and whether or not it is my fault, i want to try to make it better myself. We are on the last year of a higher graduation (or country's "pre-university if you want), and we are both very stressed, and short on time (we come home like 6 o'clock all days of the week, and meet at school at 8), so I don't want to put anymore pressure on her.

So, the two questions are:

1. What can I do to soften her up, and lose some of her tension? could possibly be ways to show how much I love her (I suck at being romantic unfortunatly, so all I do is kissing, hugging, and telling her that I love her regularly)

2. Am I simply being emo for thinking that she hates me? I hope so, and that is what I am presuming... but it sure would help to get a girls assumption on this >.<

extra facts:

We haven't had sex (nor plan on, we have, like forever, if we want to, and I don't want to if she doesn't love me.)

We've been together for 2 years and 5 months, and been engaged for 1 year and 2 months, and are both 19 years old.

I REALLY love her, so no comments about how I should just leave her or something like that...

First thing first in red.
Whoever gets engage for 1 year and 2 months?When are you both planning to get engaged?Honestly,people do like to give themselve title don't they?Engagement?It's all in the name.You both are in still 19.I wouldn't mind getting married at 19 or 20 but are you both planning to get married anytime soon?
If not,the engagement is just a name.It can be broken as easily as it is made like any other things.

[Tashi]

yes, we ARE planning to get married, in fact, we plan to get married this summer. School is just being a bitch right now, so time is not something we have at our disposal.

[Lite]

yes, we ARE planning to get married, in fact, we plan to get married this summer. School is just being a bitch right now, so time is not something we have at our disposal.

Why don't you just get married after college, and not be in a rush to "grow up" and "prove your relationship to the world"??

You know, when money isn't likely going to be a stress that rips your relationship apart.

And again, I reiterate. WHY WOULD YOU MARRY SOMEONE WHO ONLY THINKS THEY LOVE YOU? Why? Are you that desperate to prove to the world you're a stable adult? Here's a tip. Stable adults don't marry people for bullshit reasons to prove something.

[Tashi]

we aren't considering marrying to prove anything -_- which is why we won't spend like 5.000 $ on a stupid party for 80 people, geez. Waste of money and time. Besides, why delay it? if I were uncertain that I love her, i wouldn't propose to her. You sound like you aren't supposed to find the love of your life before you are 50

but either way, this is getting off-topic, and I don't want any trolling.

[Indignant]

we aren't considering marrying to prove anything -_- which is why we won't spend like 5.000 $ on a stupid party for 80 people, geez. Waste of money and time. Besides, why delay it? if I were uncertain that I love her, i wouldn't propose to her. You sound like you aren't supposed to find the love of your life before you are 50

but either way, this is getting off-topic, and I don't want any trolling.

blind as a bat.

[Lite]

we aren't considering marrying to prove anything -_- which is why we won't spend like 5.000 $ on a stupid party for 80 people, geez. Waste of money and time. Besides, why delay it? if I were uncertain that I love her, i wouldn't propose to her. You sound like you aren't supposed to find the love of your life before you are 50

but either way, this is getting off-topic, and I don't want any trolling.

Let's put this in a different perspective. If she leaves you, she'll quite likely ruin you financially for years. Marriage isn't just about love, it also involves a legally binding commitment. She could leave you, take the new car you bought, and leave you paying for it for the next 4 years.

But, it's not off-topic. Your woman said she thinks she loves you, either you know you love someone, or you don't love them. The in-between answer is just her way of getting out of saying "I don't love you" and hurting your feelings.

You're 19, you have no freaking clue who you are, and likely no clue who you will be in 2 years when you're 21. Wait a couple years, then get married. It isn't about a big expensive wedding that I'm telling you to wait, it's because this person doesn't sound like they love you, which means they're going to leave when they tire of you.

[Tashi]

Let's put this in a different perspective. If she leaves you, she'll quite likely ruin you financially for years. Marriage isn't just about love, it also involves a legally binding commitment. She could leave you, take the new car you bought, and leave you paying for it for the next 4 years.

But, it's not off-topic. Your woman said she thinks she loves you, either you know you love someone, or you don't love them. The in-between answer is just her way of getting out of saying "I don't love you" and hurting your feelings.

You're 19, you have no freaking clue who you are, and likely no clue who you will be in 2 years when you're 21. Wait a couple years, then get married. It isn't about a big expensive wedding that I'm telling you to wait, it's because this person doesn't sound like they love you, which means they're going to leave when they tire of you.

alright... i guess you could be right... I highly doubt it, but when reading through this forum, it seems it DO happen...

I... guess i'll prolonge it, and see how she reacts. Hopefully, it wont matter much...

[Lite]

alright... i guess you could be right... I highly doubt it, but when reading through this forum, it seems it DO happen...

I... guess i'll prolonge it, and see how she reacts. Hopefully, it wont matter much...

The basic gist is, if she doesn't know for sure that she loves you, then you shouldn't be worried about getting married. I've been married, divorced, and re-married. There's a lot of high expecations about marriage, but nobody ever gives you a dirty real-world view of how difficult being married really is.

It isn't all sunshine and roses, you're going to come home some days praying that your spouse doesn't talk to you, because you're so stressed from work that you can't deal with talking to anyone for a few hours. You're going to overreact, snap at the person, and end up apologizing for being an asshole. You get to see the best and absolute worst of a person while married.

Often times you will see, hear, or read, "I Love you but..." Big sign that you shouldn't be with them if you say or receive that. The proper statement is, "I love you and..." Which means they love you for your flaws just as much as your gifts.

[Tashi]

that sounds pretty much like it is already O.o sometimes when getting home from school, I just want to lay down, and shut up and close my ears... but I definatly don't want to be away from her, and I rarely to never snap at her o.o I never give the : "i love you but...", and I don't recall ever recieving one either, but i suppose "i think i love you" i worse -_- but i'll wait and see what a break can do, and hopefully, i'll get my answer there.

My problem, honestly speaking, is that I am addicted to safety. I hate being alone, but I don't like having friends either, cause I don't feel like I can be myself around them. The only one I have ever been able to be me around, is my girlfriend. And I can't be myself around anyone else, because when I try, it never works. I FAIL at being someone i'm not, which is why i am probably the most unpopular guy at school, and lacks friends and everything. I hate drinking and smoking above all, and games and roleplay are the top favorites of my activities, but guess what? That is not the people i usually hang around, and last time I tried, it ending in pure humiliation, due to this chick faking she liked me (a stupid game back in grade school), until she ditched me big time. That sucked a lot, and although I knew it was just a stupid game, I actually felt like she was my type... most girls just... seem to find me boring and unattractive, and want me to change... my girlfriend don't, and she actually TOLD me she didn't like my stupid act, and told me to act like myself - which worked. The question is whether or not she thinks i'm boring too now... i simply have no clue what to do to change that, but that is the whole problem - i don't want to change... Sure, I grow up and change a bit there, but I don't want to make a change i can't go through with, so I'll end up being someone i'm not 24/7 for the rest of my life. In that case, i'll rather break up with her and live in solitude - don't even know if that is a stupid/selfish way of thinking...


Ugh, I'm glad my girlfriend can't read any of this >.> this is the only secret i am keeping, but i don't plan on revealing it anytime soon -_- it sucks not having anyone to talk to about these things in real life....

[Lite]

My problem, honestly speaking, is that I am addicted to safety. I hate being alone, but I don't like having friends either, cause I don't feel like I can be myself around them.

You sound a lot like me when I was younger. Always trying to be what people expected me to be, rather than who I am. I've killed a lot of friendships by simply stopping the charade and simply being who I am.

It's a lot more comfortable being a wolf in wolf's clothing, than a wolf in sheep's.

But, you've admitted what your big problems are, now you need to figure out why you feel that way, and ways to address it personally. I've always maintained that if you cannot be happy with yourself, by yourself, then you cannot be happy with anyone else either. The base of your life at that point is built upon being unhappy.

[Tashi]

yeah, and I feel like I can be myself when near my girlfriend. I... really don't want to leave her, but I don't need anyone telling me to leave her if she doesn't like who I am. I am pretty happy with how I am, I am leaving fairly healthy without being anywhere near obsessed, and I refrain from doing things that will only cause me trouble. I see no reason to change any of that, and I find that a quite good base point, and I have no intentions of ruining that one.

I guess I'll just have to see for myself how this turns out... But hopefully, it will turn out good ^^ I love who my girlfriend is, and she is not one to shield her feelings towards me, so if she isn't acting either, the only thing that can go wrong, is that she becomes tired of me. I guess I can only wait and see, although it is quite a pain to just remain quietly, and hope for the best... cause nothing good ever comes from doing that.

Thanks for the help ^^ I really appreciate it ^^

[indian_bull]

i think u should tell her about ur feelings directly. inspite of asking us you need to ask her what does she mean by all those hitting,abusing? sometimes people take granted. so taht must be the case. so u need to remind her that you are not to be take ngranted. just react once and just hold her tight and kiss her tight and tell her what you want.

[Tashi]

not sure about what you mean indian_bull... tell her what i want? I want to know if she really loves me, but she answered "i think", so i am kinda stuck there for the moment >.<

funny thing is, she DO say "I love you too" most of the time when i tell her that I love her.

But yeah, I am definatly going to do something now. No point waiting, although, ehh, I wont be seeing her before 2 days... so i'll have to wait... ugh