Had an affair, got pregnant!

[Calla]

Hello,
This summer I had a 2 night stand with a younger man, he was 27, I am 40. I was in a relationship of 6 years at the time, we have a child together. I've always loved him but I've often felt left alone as he travels all the time and is occasionally emotionally shut off.
I felt terrible after my indescretion, then found out I was pregnant with the affair's baby. I haven't talked with this man since, he wants nothing to do with it. Which is fine with me, I really wanted my husband to take over and adopt. He is n't willing to and in fact has left me.
Here is the problem, I am a wreck. I know I made a terrible choice and was so sorry right after it. I have been crying and begging for him to stay for months. It's just a mess.
He keeps telling me I have to let him do what he needs to do. That he can't ignore his heart that tells him to get away. My heart is broken, I just sob uncontrollably for hours every day and night almost like someone died. I felt like such a baby, but I honestly didn't ever want to lose him, It just felt good when someone payed such attention to me. I cant believe I've ruined our family and my daughters family. And now I have the new baby coming that he wants nothing to do with, I'm alone with 2 kids, single mom, no love of my life because of my dumbass affair. Will he ever come back?
Thanks for any help or advice.

[vashti]

I don't know how anyone here can tell you if he will ever come back. It would certainly be asking a lot to expect him to raise another man's baby.

I really feel for your children. Some mistakes can't be fixed.

[Aeradalia]

I hate to be the word of reason... but in life you reap what you sow. It's only fair for your husband (ex?) to have a chance at a meaningful relationship... just as much as you do. Your infidelity destroyed the trust in which any relationship depends on and it is his right to want to continue or end a relationship (just as you have the same right). Apparently he has chosen to move on... and all you can do is the same.

My condolences on the consequences of your actions... but hope you will not pass along your feelings to your new child. If nothing else, you have an opportunity to make things right for this child... to be the best mother you can be.

[Calla]

Thanks so much, yes my kids are the priority. I remain positive always, never speak negatively of the past. We all make mistakes and I am confident they will grow up nutured either with me alone or a suitable partner. But I agree, children being the most important thing.

[Everlovin]

Don't feel bad hun. It wasn't an affair anyways...you weren't married to the other guy.

Unless there is a ring on your finger, your not off the market.

[Mish]

Hello,
This summer I had a 2 night stand with a younger man, he was 27, I am 40. I felt terrible after my indescretion, then found out I was pregnant with the affair's baby.

Just out of curiosity, why didn't you use protection?

[IndiReloaded]

What is *good* in your life right now? Do you have a stable job? Are you going to be okay looking after both those kids? Focus on the things you can DO something about right now. Try not to freak. You aren't the first person this has happened to. Breathe, think, don't do anything else you will regret right now.

As for your ex, sometimes ppl are just looking for that excuse to leave and sounds like you gave it to him. I'm really sorry this happened to you and your family.

He might come back. Sounds to me that this crisis just happened, based on your emotional post. He could just need some time alone. Understandable in these circumstances.

Right now, he needs to decide if he wants to move on from your relationship and just be his child's dad. Give him that space. Least you can do for him right now.

What do YOU want to do about your new baby?

[Only-virgins]

See people, to me this is a happy ending. This is what I call a cheerful story. It brings light to my day. Not because she suffer, but because it is what it is meant to be.

He might come back. Sounds to me that this crisis just happened, based on your emotional post. He could just need some time alone. Understandable in these circumstances.

Right now, he needs to decide if he wants to move on from your relationship and just be his child's dad. Give him that space. Least you can do for him right now.

What do YOU want to do about your new baby?

Where the hell is the dignity in that? If this guy knows what is good for him he will run for the hills. Why take care of someone else's kid who slept with your cheating wife? That is pathetic on an epic level.

I haven't talked with this man since, he wants nothing to do with it. Which is fine with me, I really wanted my husband to take over and adopt. He is n't willing to and in fact has left me.

This is stupidity at its best. Female logic showing it's awesome magic.

"Hey honey! I had sex with this other guy...can you take care of the baby cause I got pregnant?" ...WTFBBQ!

[vashti]

I don't know, OV. He might be motivated to stay for his own child's sake, although who could blame him if he chose not to?

Those poor kids.

[IndiReloaded]

Where the hell is the dignity in that? If this guy knows what is good for him he will run for the hills. Why take care of someone else's kid who slept with your cheating wife? That is pathetic on an epic level.

OV, this man has a child of his own with the OP. Grow up already. Having children means you can no longer responsibly think ONLY of yourself in a relationship.

I agree with you, this situation is horrible. I'm not saying he should, or will, come back.

I am just saying that there ARE people who will put their children ahead of anything their partners do. He might come back, he might not, he might leave & fight for custody of their kid.

I suspect the reason he left is b/c he needs to think through these options w/o the impulse to do something horrible to Calla. Which, given she is the mother of his child, is perfectly reasonable.

[Lite]

Hell, I knew a man who raised 2 kids that he thought were his. Turns out his wife had cheated on him twice w/ the same man and become pregnant by him twice. Even after he learned they were not his children over 14 years later he still treated them as if they were his own.

Best of luck to you in sorting out your issues, but there really isn't much for us to say. You screwed up, you know you screwed up, and now your children will suffer for it. It's not the end of the world, but I'm sure it feels like it about now. Best of luck to you.

[Only-virgins]

Hell, I knew a man who raised 2 kids that he thought were his. Turns out his wife had cheated on him twice w/ the same man and become pregnant by him twice. Even after he learned they were not his children over 14 years later he still treated them as if they were his own.

I would rather be the bird who lays my eggs in the nests of other birds and has them foolishly take care of my genes. This thread makes me wanna make sure that I DNA test my kids in the future. I have a recognizable mug though, I think I will be able to tell.

[Only-virgins]

OV, this man has a child of his own with the OP. Grow up already. Having children means you can no longer responsibly think ONLY of yourself in a relationship.

I agree with you, this situation is horrible. I'm not saying he should, or will, come back.

I am just saying that there ARE people who will put their children ahead of anything their partners do. He might come back, he might not, he might leave & fight for custody of their kid.

I suspect the reason he left is b/c he needs to think through these options w/o the impulse to do something horrible to Calla. Which, given she is the mother of his child, is perfectly reasonable.

My comments all go for this new child and her attempt for him to adopt this new one. He should support his own child obviously. He should not stay with this cheating idiot though for the kids, no reason to be miserable by choice.

[lesa]

Are you sure you want your husband back? Maybe you just miss the love and someone caring for you?

A new relationship may be good for you.

[Gribble]

Poor children. It's a shame they are the ones who truly have to pay for the selfish mistakes of their parents.