Condoms once a relationship's getting serious?

[Charlie Boy II]

yes but it still drastically improves your odds. How many relationships does one have? How many marriages?

And also it's just a good mindset to have. I never think about unprotected sex any more than I think about driving without a seatbelt. The condom-free in relationships attitude seems to promote the attitude that condoms are optional, so there's a decision making process there, on whether to use one.

I just think we'd all be a lot safer if we all used them.

[carl1222]

yes but it still drastically improves your odds. How many relationships does one have? How many marriages?

And also it's just a good mindset to have. I never think about unprotected sex any more than I think about driving without a seatbelt. The condom-free in relationships attitude seems to promote the attitude that condoms are optional, so there's a decision making process there, on whether to use one.

I just think we'd all be a lot safer if we all used them.

Actually, we'd all be safer if we abstained from sex!

Serial monogamy in faithful, committed relationships is no less safe than in marriage ... the ultimate committed relationship. If the relationship does in fact end, you can't catch an STD from his/her NEXT relationship, so the fact that not all serious relationships work doesn't really affect risk.

I'm a great believer in safe sex ... but I think it has become a bit hysterical. There are risks in life everywhere ... you minimize them (as OP suggested) and live your life. I suppose it would be much safer to just lock myself up in the house and have everything brought in. But I wouldn't trade my quality of life just to live it in greater safety.

I also would not give up the benefit of complete intimacy with the woman I love and plan to marry (after taking all other precautions) just because there is a remote chance that an STD might slip in in the meanwhile. Not worth it!

Carl.

[Charlie Boy II]

I see what you're saying.

But for me: at this stage of my life I don't expect my relationships to last longer than six months to a year, realistically speaking. Two at the most. Therefore I will have a great deal many more relationships than I will marriages. I'm 26 and I couldn't even count the number of "relationships" I've had.

Therefore if I disregard condoms in relationships between now and marriage, that is a significant amount of unprotected sex, and there's a damn good chance I'd fall acropper somewhere along the way.

So for me, it's just stacking the odds in my favour.

i.e. Relationships: 15-20
Marriages: 1 (hopefully).

[Aeradalia]

B]The condom-free in relationships attitude seems to promote the attitude that condoms are optional, so there's a decision making process there, on whether to use one. [/B]

I just think we'd all be a lot safer if we all used them.

There's always a decision making process... to do things merely out of habit - even the seemingly beneficial things - without too much thought risks dangerous consequences when such a mentality is applied to other things in life. There is no one-size fits all method of thinking when it comes to using a condom or not (no pun intended). You had better be thinking every time you have sex... thinking about who you are with and why...

Yes, we'd be safer if we all used them... but then again I'd be safer if I had someone follow my bf around 24/7 making sure he never cheated on me... better yet, I could lock him away... then there really wouldn't be any risks of disease from him at all.

Trust is what you must have in a relationship and a valid reason for having that trust. That is why people in a marriage or long-term committed relationship have 'unprotected' sex... because they have felt they've known the person long enough and well enough to have reason to believe they are faithful.. therefore free of disease. This is not akin to the recklessness of the young and the restless playing partner swap whenever it suits them. There is a calculated risk... an informed decision in these far more stable relationships.

If the relationship does in fact end, you can't catch an STD from his/her NEXT relationship, so the fact that not all serious relationships work doesn't really affect risk.

But I wouldn't trade my quality of life just to live it in greater safety.

Agrees.

Life is meant to be lived... cannot spend your days trying to safeguard against all the risks... all you can really do is avoid the obvious based these decisions on good information... and more importantly... live and enjoy life.

[lesa]

I disagree carl. Condoms aren't for pregnancy the pill is. Condoms are to protect againt infections and disease. Even when people get tested it is no guarantee. People are seldom tested for herpes, for example, unless they specifically request it. One in four Americans has genital herpes. Males cannot be tested for genital warts either. Lots of infections are passed inside relationships.

So that's why I don't think people should do away with condoms until they are married.

If I was 35+ years old I would NOT be using the pill. I would especially not use it if I had a history of certain common medical conditions or a family history of certain cancers.

A man can simply be diagnosed with genital warts by inspection. Now, the human papilloma virus itself is a different story.

Condoms are used to reduce chance of pregnancy as well as some infections. After all, the condom is "catching" the semen that contains the sperm. Some people just don't know how to properly use them.

[Charlie Boy II]

There's always a decision making process... to do things merely out of habit - even the seemingly beneficial things - without too much thought risks dangerous consequences when such a mentality is applied to other things in life. There is no one-size fits all method of thinking when it comes to using a condom or not (no pun intended). You had better be thinking every time you have sex... thinking about who you are with and why...

Yes, we'd be safer if we all used them... but then again I'd be safer if I had someone follow my bf around 24/7 making sure he never cheated on me... better yet, I could lock him away... then there really wouldn't be any risks of disease from him at all.

Trust is what you must have in a relationship and a valid reason for having that trust. That is why people in a marriage or long-term committed relationship have 'unprotected' sex... because they have felt they've known the person long enough and well enough to have reason to believe they are faithful.. therefore free of disease. This is not akin to the recklessness of the young and the restless playing partner swap whenever it suits them. There is a calculated risk... an informed decision in these far more stable relationships.





Agrees.

Life is meant to be lived... cannot spend your days trying to safeguard against all the risks... all you can really do is avoid the obvious based these decisions on good information... and more importantly... live and enjoy life.

I just don't see what's that hard about slapping a rubber on?? It's minimal effort for excellent protection of my sexual health as well as peace of mind.

It's like putting on a seatbelt. Do you do a cost-benefit analysis when you get in the car: "well I'm just going to the shops and I know the roads pretty well, so I won't wear one for this ride." No! You just buckle up. You don't think about it. Because there is almost no cost in doing it, and a great deal of benefit. For me, it is the same with condoms.

Edit: And "trust" is not protection I'm afraid. Many, many, many people have been let down by the "trust" method. Give me rubber any day.

[Charlie Boy II]

A man can simply be diagnosed with genital warts by inspection. Now, the human papilloma virus itself is a different story.

Condoms are used to reduce chance of pregnancy as well as some infections. After all, the condom is "catching" the semen that contains the sperm. Some people just don't know how to properly use them.

look I can't carry on 50 arguments at once.

I know condoms can be used as a contracpetive. But they are not as reliable as the pill. I believe they have a breakage rate of about 95% or something. I would not feel completely safe using them as an ongoing form of birth control. I like to use the pill and condoms because then I know I can just forget about it. I like to have that safeguard.

And lesa, I meant the HPV virus. A man could pass that on before warts surfaced or after they were removed without having symptoms.

[lesa]

I see having sex as always a risk for disease, pregnancy, hurt, etc. You decide who you are willing to take that risk with.

[Charlie Boy II]

^^^ what a moronic comment. Yes, let's not bother mitigating risk because we can't eliminate it completely.

[lesa]

look I can't carry on 50 arguments at once.

Hehe, no problem. I really wanted to say those things for the OP to read. I knew what you meant and I can tell that you would not put yourself through certain risks without covering yourself.

Hmmm, that almost sounds graphic!

[lesa]

^^^ what a moronic comment. Yes, let's not bother mitigating risk because we can't eliminate it completely.

That's not what I mean. You are assuming too much from my comment. Sexual activity is a risk, correct? You take protection, correct? You decide who you are willing to have sex with, correct? If you are not willing to take any risks, you would abstain, correct? There is always a chance for infections and pregnancy but with caution (partner selection) you are willing to have sex, correct?

Pretend that you have a girlfriend and you caught a lifelong STI but took all precautions. How would you feel, what would you do? You took that risk when you "sexed" her.

I'm not saying to be carefree and sex the human population because protection is not 100%.