I need advice please!

[imlost586]

I know this is alot to read but please read it and send me your advice...

My name is Justin im 21 years old im a military police officer in the army,. I have some relationship advice to ask of anyone.

I been dating a girl for about 4 months named Ashley who is also 21 that I met on match.com. when we first met in person she lived about 4 hours away from where I was in training when we first met online. I took a weekend and drove 4 hours up to meet her for 2 days. We met and started to like each other alot. Then she would drive 4 hours down to see me every weekend while I was in training. It wasn't long when before we started a relationship.

I moved up to her area and now im about 20 min away from her. For the past 3 months we been hanging out and getting along great up until recently. She told me about 4 weeks ago that she felt that she was beginning to fall in love with me and i told her I felt the same way. Everything was great then. Now about 2 weeks ago she suddenly wants to be distant. She hardly ever wants to cuddle, kiss or anything, she doesn't reply to about 75% of my texts, doesn't answer my phone calls, but we never did talk on the phone alot.

I don't know if your familiar with the web site facebook.com but I'll send her stuff on there and I hardly ever get a reply of any kind. She doesn't treat me like a girl should treat a boyfriend she just treats me as if she doesnt care about me hardly at all. I talked to her about it and she says she doesn't know what's wrong with her but she says that she feels like she needs to put walls up because she's getting too close to me and she says its not my fault and that I have dont nothing wrong.

She says she wants to be with me and wants to try taking a break to see if that will help her take her walls down. We agreed to a break but nothing changed for the first part of it we hung out again, were having sex, kissing once in a while and cudding here and there even though we were supposed to be on a break, but not nearly as much as before she started acting distant, She has been showing some improvement but she still has been very distant when im not with her physicly. I went to visit family in Michigan for a week and she only texted me a few times while I was away. Before she started acting distant she would complain sometimes that I didn't text her enough. Im back from michigan now and she is still being distant she said we are supposed to be on a break and shouldn't be seeing each other. shes right but we both agreed to hang out while we were on our break. So if she didnt want to hang out with me why would she agree and why would she act like there was nothing really wrong while we are physicly togeather?

So now I agreed with her to take a real break where we don't see each other or talk to each other we just don't mess with other people even though she insisted that it be ok to kiss other people just nothing further than that. I really care about her and I have been in a few relationships in the past few years and I haven't found anybody that makes me as happy as her especially for 3 months, which is not a long time at all but I never found a girl that makes me happy for that long of a time. I do not want to loose her and I don't feel like this break is going to change her to not be afraid to get closer to me.

She also has this friend that doesn't like me for no reason. She has even asked her friend why she doesn't like me and her friend doesn't know. I think that might be having some kind of impact on her too. Also about couple months before we started dating she got out of a relationship of 2 and 1/2 years with a boyfriend that cheated on her and treated her poorly. I think that has something to do with it and so does she. She says that she knows she shouldnt be talking to him but shes not going to stop. Sence she has started talking to him again, he is trying to get her to come back to her he trys to manipulate her and she knows this. She says she has no interest at all in getting back with him even if she was single. She says he has nobody that cares about him and he's addicted to drugs and she wants to help him, I told her thats fine but that I don't think its a good idea for her to talk to him too much. She insists that she keeps talking too him cuz she wants to help him and that she would never forgive herself if she didn't.

So I really don't know what to do. So as of right now Im giving her space and we arent talking to eachother or seeing each other. She has only been putting walls up toward me for a few weeks so I dont think I should break up with her just yet. I just need to know a away to help her take her walls down and not to be worried that I will hurt her. Please send me your advice. I also think the best thing for her would be to stop talking to her ex completely which would help her move on. I just dont know how to tell her that. thanks alot.

Justin Jones

[obsidian8731]

I think that she started putting up walls because she was debating going back to the ex. I wouldnt be to suprised if she was trying to work it out with him but keeping you on hold just in case it didnt.
Sorry and I hope I'm wrong for your sake

[imlost586]

I think that she started putting up walls because she was debating going back to the ex. I wouldnt be to suprised if she was trying to work it out with him but keeping you on hold just in case it didnt.
Sorry and I hope I'm wrong for your sake

I doubt she wants to get back with him she i seen her texts telling him shes just his friend, on top of that he lives 14 hours away now. Im thinking maybe she has some feelings for him and its making it hard to move further in a new relationship. Shes told me a few times that i treat her really well just like he did when they started dating. I think shes affraid i will hurt her like he did and thats why shes putting up walls. but thats just what i think i never have had this situation before so i really dont know. im hopeing somebody knows what i should do about this.

[Cain]

I'll read that if you break it up into paragraphs.

[Gigabitch]

Justin, this doesn't look good. If she can't let go of the ex, she's not really available to be with you. Three months is no time at all. You are just getting to know what she's really like, and this is it. Considering that this is the "real" her, do you still think she makes you happy?

[imlost586]

Justin, this doesn't look good. If she can't let go of the ex, she's not really available to be with you. Three months is no time at all. You are just getting to know what she's really like, and this is it. Considering that this is the "real" her, do you still think she makes you happy?

Its not making me happy but i know shes capable of making me happer that any woman ever has for me. I never have been able to be happy in a relationship for 3 months, which is not a long time but i have been through alot of relationships trying to find someone that does make me happy. Thats why I want to take breaking up with her as the very last option