Coming from a lifetime of being abused... mentally manipulated... and made to feel lower then dirt there is one phrase that has always stuck with me:
There are no victims, only volunteers.
In this relationship you maybe be considered the victim to his abusive ways, but in reality you were a participant... accepting the abuse because of fear and self-doubt. So in essence, you volunteered yourself for the role of 'victim.' Not once did you realize that you had control the whole time!
Also remember... nobody can have control over you UNLESS you GIVE them the control. Take some time to evaluate the reasons you might've relinquished control to him. If it is self-doubt, then why do you feel this? Is it lack of self-worth? Whatever it is... learn the origins of these, how they negatively effect your life, and what steps you can take to reduce or remove them.
I have overcome Social Anxiety Disorder in just a few short years... I can now walk around in crowds, go from one conversation to the next, and basically do whatever I want because I know that their opinions of me don't matter... not one damn bit. I'm a decent person, I do what I feel is right, and I will help another if they are need --- for me, that's good enough.
One more thing... congratulations on standing up for yourself and finally doing what the more logical side of your mind has been screaming -- the self-preservation side of your mind.
I had been in a relationship with a guy like that... and to progress your story of 'what could have been'... for me, I eventually was married to an abusive guy like that. And no, he didn't start out that way (they never do... obviously). Over the five years I was beaten down, made to feel guilty, and excluded from friends and family. He would get angrier and for longer periods of time. Until finally, one night while he was stone-cold sober... he had enough and tried to choke me. He would've succeeded if he hadn't snapped to his senses. If I had stayed after that... I doubt I could've relied on his 'self-control' for long.
These relationships are toxic... remember that the one who loves you is suppose to build you up --- NOT tear you down. If you feel less valued with someone, then it's a sign that the relationship is not based on love, and certainly not beneficial.
Just because you FEEL for someone does not mean you have to stop THINKING. It is when your emotional and logical sides are in agreement that you have the greatest chance of success in a relationship.
Last edited by Aeradalia; 10-02-09 at 02:11 PM.
"The weakest soul, knowing its own weakness, and believing this truth that strength can only be developed by effort and practice, will, thus believing, at once begin to exert itself, and, adding effort to effort, patience to patience, and strength to strength, will never cease to develop, and will at last grow divinely strong."
- James Allen