Really?

[lesa]

I'll answer that both ways.

She doesn't deny the amount of chemistry that we had. She says that she loves talking to me and loves how well I understand her. She also feels she can trust me with anything. I think if she wasn't into this "need is weak" thing then this wouldn't be an issue.

And sexually? She can't help but be wet every time I'm around. And if she isn't, I can whisper in her ear for five seconds to fix that. The attraction is there physically and emotionally. I know that.

The attraction may be there but it's not enough for her to enter a relationship with you. How ironic that she says that she feels chemistry and vulnerability but doesn't want you for a boyfriend. You are not a good match for her otherwise she would not give you bs responses. As soon as she finds a match that makes her feel that he is the right one for her, she won't give bs responses.

She is not attracted to you enough to want to start a relationship and work on it otherwise she would.

[IndiReloaded]

so instead of figuring out what is causing it and fixing it, she avoids it completely now.

You mean she over reacts instead? I still think its weird given you aren't even dating. Its too much of an overshare at this stage of things, IMO. That's just my opinion tho. Starbie is probably right and she's young and still figuring out her mind. At her age, all I remember was I was in an intimate relationship with my textbooks.

Tho, honestly, I would much rather you enter a relationship with someone whose qualities balance yours out. Not another girl with issues that you're going to have to help HER sort out. That's what I meant by the 'opposite' comment. This sounds to me a bit like your ex, in that its about HER issues and her response is to break off & run. Where does that leave you? Again?

[Cain]

The attraction may be there but it's not enough for her to enter a relationship with you. How ironic that she says that she feels chemistry and vulnerability but doesn't want you for a boyfriend. You are not a good match for her otherwise she would not give you bs responses. As soon as she finds a match that makes her feel that he is the right one for her, she won't give bs responses.

She is not attracted to you enough to want to start a relationship and work on it otherwise she would.

I don't know what's in her mind so I can't say anything for sure one way or the other.

She doesn't want me as her bf because of the vulnerability that she feels with me. She doesn't want to feel vulnerable at all and so she'll do whatever she can to avoid it. If she has to stay single forever in order to do it... that's what she'll do.

That's what bugs me.

[Cain]

You mean she over reacts instead? I still think its weird given you aren't even dating. Its too much of an overshare at this stage of things, IMO. That's just my opinion tho. Starbie is probably right and she's young and still figuring out her mind. At her age, all I remember was I was in an intimate relationship with my textbooks.

Tho, honestly, I would much rather you enter a relationship with someone whose qualities balance yours out. Not another girl with issues that you're going to have to help HER sort out. That's what I meant by the 'opposite' comment. This sounds to me a bit like your ex, in that its about HER issues and her response is to break off & run. Where does that leave you? Again?

I will say that I won't even start to compare this girl to my ex. My was was just a wackjob that wanted to job from man to man because she needed to feel the excitement that came from a new relationship. She wanted to feel like she needed the person she's with and actually wanted to feel a little dependent on them.

This girl is the opposite of that and doesn't have near the amount of issues. There is one singular issue with this girl that is causing the couple of other ones. It's that she's stubborn. If she wasn't so stubborn she'd be able to realize that it isn't a bad thing to need someone for support sometimes or to need someone period. It doesn't make her weak or dependent. But she can't see that. To her, vulnerability = weakness.

[Mish]

Apparently she felt like she needed me too much. All she wanted to do was be around me and spend time with me. She didn't like that. But instead of telling me and trying to work on it, she decided to end it before it even started. Her reason? A relationship shouldn't take work.

Sorry, I don't believe it. If someone told me something like that I would just tell them straight up 'I don't believe you'. It sounds like a made up excuse. Like someone with a black eye telling you they got it by falling down. Probably made up to mask some other reason why she doesn't want to be in a relationship with you.

Is this the same girl who called you selfish for wanting to cut contact because she can't be more than your friend? If it is, close the book on her asap.

[IndiReloaded]

I will say that I won't even start to compare this girl to my ex. My was was just a wackjob that wanted to job from man to man because she needed to feel the excitement that came from a new relationship. She wanted to feel like she needed the person she's with and actually wanted to feel a little dependent on them.

This girl is the opposite of that and doesn't have near the amount of issues. There is one singular issue with this girl that is causing the couple of other ones. It's that she's stubborn. If she wasn't so stubborn she'd be able to realize that it isn't a bad thing to need someone for support sometimes or to need someone period. It doesn't make her weak or dependent. But she can't see that. To her, vulnerability = weakness.

Okay. I'm just throwing that out there b/c you didn't know all that stuff about your ex when you first started dating her either. Right?

I remember arguing about her crap with you back then, we were reading the signs wrong, blah, blah and then shit hit the fan.

Just saying to be wary of ppl with issues like this early on. Ppl have enough crap going on even when they *seem* normal that this would be a red flag to me. I tend to believe someone I barely know when they feel compelled to tell me they have issues.

But, shes 20 and we are only reading your interpretation of things. Could be way off in reality, but there you are.

[Cain]

Normally I'd be right there with you agreeing that this was just some bullshit excuse. The only reason I am considering that it could even be plausible is because I saw signs of her not liking to appear vulnerable before this whole thing even went down. If I had never seen that before and was now just hearing this, I'd be a little skeptical.

I'm more likely to write this one off as her just being too emotionally immature for a real relationship anyways. I'm different from any of the guys she's ever dated, and yet she has a hard time differentiating the situations because of how she feels when she's around me.

I don't know. This whole thing just bugs me.

[Cain]

After thinking about it, I decided that I'm just going to let it go. I'll stay friends with her and that will be it. She's a cool girl and I'd rather things not be awkward with her when I move over there.

I know that a lot of you think this was her letting me down, but I don't really buy that. She is rather honest. I already know of guys she's told that she doesn't want to be with them. She didn't just make up some excuse. I don't doubt that she'd do the same. And just with the way she acted around me doesn't seem fake to me.

I don't really think she knows what she wants. She's still young, has had bad relationships, and just doesn't really have a mature grasp on them. I'm not going to wait for her. I'm going to date other people when I get over there and just do my thing. If she finally realizes what she wants later on and I happen to be single and I still like her then I might give things a shot.

I wasn't in love with the girl, so I don't think it will be too hard to remain friends with her.