Depressed and feeling alone

[lolly25]

Im suffering with depression at the moment, quite badly and it is making me feel really ill, im not sleeping and im feeling really alone.

I really would appreciate advice or ideas from anyone who has been through this or knows anyone who is going through this.

I have been to the doctors and have been given tablets and im waiting for councilling. I was abused when I was 18, I bottled this up and let it get to me and also had a bad year last year.

I lost my job and had a narsty break up with my ex boyfriend.

Im feeling very nervous, insecure, alone and im really not sure what to do next. I just cant concentrate, keep getting upset and feel ill most of the time. I dont have any enthuisam, im worrying over silly little things and just dont know what to do.

I have a boyfriend at the moment who I have been with for only two months. I have already put a lot on him, opened up to him and feel that I have been unfair because I have been insecure and freaked on him.

Am I wrong for opening up to him so early in to a relationship?

Im also scared that im loosing him because he has started going on to the dating website which we met on. He still has his profile hidden but he has been on there a lot and also 10 mins after I left his this morning. I only know because I receieved an admin message so I went on there to see what it was. Because of this I dont feel right talking to him now, incase it pushes him away etc.

I feel that im loosing him and im scared to open up to him now in case I make things worse and push him away. I have spoke to him and apologised, said that I am going to change, I know that I need to and it is my responsibilty to change and I dont expect anything from him, just to be able to talk to him. He said that he cares about me, likes me, wants to be there for me and I dont need to change etc.

What can I do to feel better and over come this? Who can I talk to? My friends and boyfriend have enough to handle with out worrying about me.

[lastwish]

I know how it feels like to be depressed because the world is crashing down on you. Talk to a friend about it. I think that will help a bit.

[Aeradalia]

The best you can do now if focus on recovering from the depression and the abuse. Accept a helping hand when offered... consider such offerings to be a stepping stone to the happiness you're wanting.

Just keep in mind that you are PROGRESSING in your improvements... though this progress may be slow... it isn't stopping --- which is a good thing. One step at a time... one small triumph after another.. and YOU WILL MAKE IT. Happiness will be yours again, rest assured.

Be thankful for all the help you have received... try to not dwell on what may not have turned out as you had hoped (this will only fuel the depression)... keep a schedule and try to stay busy/preoccupied with other things... so your mind can't wonder and so you will feel useful.

This will take time... but you are getting closer to regaining happiness.

[Cbrider]

Depression is something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy, you don't know how debilitating it is unless you have dealt with it. People don't understand what it feels like to wake up and just lay in bed because there is no reason to get out of bed. I lost 65 lbs when I fell into depression, I slipped from being 6'5", athletic, good looking to 165 lbs of emaciated flesh.

I pushed all my friends away and slipped into my own world where there was NOTHING to look forward to. People called me on my birthday and I didn't even pick up the phone. I was failing all my classes in college and did absolutely nothing but play computer all day. Theres no telling where the downward spiral would have stopped if my parents, specifically my mother hadn't intervened.

She sent my dad 6 hours to my college on a work day to make sure I was okay. My dad took me to a doctors office where they decided that I was dangerously underweight and deeply depressed. I took a medical withdrawal from college and moved back home with my parents at the age of 19.

It took a serious battery of tests and 20 or so counseling sessions to get me on track coupled with 150 mg dose of Effexor XR. I was a strong opponent of any kind of drug to fix things. I thought it was all a big crock of shit, truth is there are some things that are out of your hands and cannot be fixed without drugs. My problem was low levels of Serotonin which altered my sleep, personality and memory.

I finally made it out of my depression and got my life on track. I got a very good job, bought a motorcycle which I always wanted, put weight back on, got back in shape, reclaimed my body and moved out on my own.

I had everything I wanted and felt I was ready for a girlfriend, so I started looking, it had been about a year and a half since I moved back home. I finally found a girl I really liked and admired, and took the necessary steps to move into a relationship with her.

Everything was great for a few months, then it all went to hell in a hand bag. She pretty much checked out of the relationship and started becoming attracted to another guy and kind of stringed me along. The depression had made me less confident in myself, so I went along with it for a while. I finally got the the point that I couldn't take it anymore and I broke it off. It was one of the hardest things I have ever done, I cut ties with someone that I loved, problem was it was becoming a one sided feeling.

I started to slip towards depression again and spent 4 months wallowing in my tears and sorrow. The thing I learned from the first episode was that it takes will power to overcome depression as much as it doesn't medication. One day I just snapped, I told myself I would never cry another tear over her or give her a shard of my being because I was worth so much more. I focused on my health, started working out, brushed up on some of my racing skills on my bike and got out to do things with friends.

As hard as it was to pick myself up, I refuse to bow to anyone or to serve like I was doing. My anger fueled my recovery, I don;t like being manipulated and I silently was fuming inside. I cut ALL contact with her and told her to never try and find me or contact me again. She of course handled that for about a month before making some pathetic ass attempt to "apologize" for everything, yet she went off and moved in with the guy she was so infatuated with. Actions speak, words weave a web of lies, hence why I cut her out of my life completely.

Outside the counseling and medication, friends are the most important part of recovering, You truly find out who your friends are when you hit rock bottom. I generally surround myself with good people and my character speaks for me. People know I am what I am, I don't put on a fake front or act like someone I am not. When I hit the floor my friends helped pick me up, the mutual friends my ex and I shared slowly started to separate themselves from my ex and surrounded me. I always acted the person I was, nothing fake or false, she on the other hand turned out to be cynical, manipulative and willing to walk over anyone to get what she wanted.

Friends and medication, thats the best way to tackle depression, its not a fight you can win on your own. You can't see it, you can only feel it. you can't attack what you can't see, the outside world can see it and WILL help you if they truly care about you.

PM me or post anything you want me to answer, no one should feel alone when your at your worst.