Help me out please

[Iwanttobefree]

I feel like this is the only place I’m comfortable letting my heart out - god bless anonymity. Most of you will say that because I’m a senior in high school, I’m too young to know what true love really is. But I’m asking you to not take that into account and treat me like I'm a man, not a boy.


I started to like her when I was a sophomore, but never really found the drive to talk to her. She was the smartest and kindest girl I’ve ever met, and her smile made me melt inside. Back then, I thought she was just a phase – a crush that I’m going to reflect upon later in life. When I was a junior, we became friends. I talked to her whenever I got the chance. Tried to be funny and make her laugh and all, but she was always more interested in other guys. Most of them were my friends, but it felt like a porcupine in my heart. One day, when I though "I'm tired of this I want her to know," I told her that I “liked” her in an email. I would have written a note or told her face to face, but I didn't want either of us to believe that I was really in love, so I remained casual. She responded with a blank answer, and we settled on being friends. But it was never the same again.


I tried to talk and be friendly, but she was absorbed by a group of girls that for some reason aren’t very fond of me at all, I don’t know why. We were all in this science thing and our team made it to nationals, which was a living hell because during the trip, I couldn’t think about anything else and I didn’t want to talk to anyone else. But I couldn’t talk to her and it hurt to think of her because I was in love, and I didn't think anyone would've given a sh*t about it.


After summer break, I thought I was over it. I became much more outgoing and confident, like my original self. But that period was short lived, as I had all of my morning classes with her and I had to listen to her laugh with the guy she was sitting with. Each class I have with her is a countdown to when the period is over.


Although it hurts a little less now, I still can't find absolution. Usually, my listlessness is due to my lack of activity. I’m an active athlete who needs to exercise and have fun, but sports don't provide closure anymore. I’d like to be optimistic and think that one day, she’s going to have a great life and a great family, but all I end up doing is remind myself of how she never even bothered to consider me as a good friend and how I screwed up so badly to make things so awkward between us. I keep telling myself that I don’t love her, and that fairy tales of happily ever after are for cheesed up movies and little children with unreal fantasies, but that only leads me to try to think of a girl more perfect for me, and I always come up with nothing.


Despite how much I used to believe in soul mates, there was no way that we are going to be together. I'd like to say that I have stopped loving her, because I know for a fact that we are no longer normal friends, yet I still believe that I will be willing to take a bullet or give up a limb to hear her laugh at my jokes or to see her smile and live a happy life. But that's just a past fantasy, and I can no longer imagine myself kissing her cheek. nevertheless, the piercing thoughts still strike me quite frequently.


So how about it? Is there a way I can fill in that hole in my heart that I once left for her? How does a man deal with loving a girl who clearly doesn’t love him back? Some say that time heals all wounds, but is time my only way out?


Sincere answers please, and if you can't think of anything that will help me, say something funny to make me feel better. I like jokes


thanks

[Indignant]

i feel you iwanttobefree....i've been loving a man for over 18 years and he still won't acknowledge my existence...

god knows, god knows i want to be free...
i've fallen in love
i've fallen in love when i was 12
and that time i knew it's for real
god knows, god knows
robert downey jr is the one for me.....

[Gigabitch]

IWTBF, I have to say, once you find a relationship where the girl actually loves you back, you'll realize that this was nothing more than an infatuation.

I understand how dire it feels- my biggest crush lasted four years. Four years where he was the first thing I thought about when I woke up and the last thing I thought about when I went to sleep and at least 100 times in between, he was on my mind and in my heart.

You know what? It was a fantasy. I didn't know him well enough to love him, just like you don't know her well enough to love her. You just WANT her. Someday, you'll want someone else.

[Swiss Butterfly]

I know how you feel. I had a serious crush on a friend that lasted for too long. The only thing that helped me is distance. Not just physical but emotional and intellectual. It will eventually pass but unfortunately you have to go through the uncomfortable phase where nobody knows how to act. Just say hello and then continue ignoring her. I know it sounds cheesy but "play it cool"...

[fairymiss]

"How does a man deal with loving a girl who clearly doesn’t love him back?"

I understand how you feel.. we are actually in the same situation. it's not easy.. the pain lingers.. it is always painful even though you try to convince yourself that you're over that person and that you are not inlove anymore.. What makes it harder to forget is when you think that she's different, that there's no other girl like her.. Let go.. if she doesn't love you back then let go of that love.. There would still be that someone who deserves your love and who you deserve in return.. You may be so blinded with your feelings... You want to be free, start walking away.. the gates are open, you just need to really walk away.. You focus your whole love, attention to that only girl that you may not be able to see the right one coming on your way.. and think about this: is it still worth it? it is not easy, i know.. but if things are making you so damn hurt, then you should not be staying there... you don't even know if she cares how much you love her... or how much you are hurting..

the right one will come on the right time...
but just make sure you are not wasting your time devoting your love to the wrong person...
who knows who the right person would be? but who knows who the wrong person either?

be strong.. and keep praying bcoz only God could give you healing.. time heals almost everything but you need to decide to be healed.. and pray for it.. God bless you

[cakalut]

It also happen to me..., my relationship with is really bad. All my relationship is not happy ending. But never give up, life must go on.. try to live happily, and now I find my true love. I believe in "no pain no gain"... my relationship with her continue until now... God hear my pray

"Love is like a mountain,
hard to climb,
but once you get to the top
the view is beautiful."

[Iwanttobefree]

thanks for the feedback. Makes it a lot simpler...

Is it possible for me to get my social life back on track? I can't find the energy to be funny anymore. And it really sucks