Recently just broke up..sort of (Very Long Post)

[Casmut]

Heya, i am new to these forums. I've come here seeking advice or tips to a current situation that i am involved in. This may be a long read so i apologize (i needed to make 2 posts hehe) in advance and i'd like to thank you for just taking a glimpse at this post. If its just way to much to read, you can check the bold sections and read from there if you like. Typing this was very therapeutic.

Brief History About Myself and my (ex?)Girlfriend

My girlfriend and have been friends for about 3 years. We met through a group of people and as time went on we got to know each other quite well and we come to realize that we share a lot of likes and dislikes. Last year, in June 2008 we came together and became something more than just friends.

The Relationship

At the start of our relationship things went so very well, with the whole brand new car smell and all. We spent a lot of time together, we text/talked on the phone daily for hours on end, getting to know each other on an intimate level. I was also a person she could come to about her work conflicts.

She was a retail worker, and she really hated it with every fiber in her body. It made her miserable just talking about it, thinking that it would be her one and only future and being stuck in retail for the rest of her life. I was always there to tell her she has a lot to live for and that i would always be there for her if she needed help in any sort of way, i always made that clear. I am in the Military, and i carry a steady job within it. I told her i'd support her in anyway i can with or without that job just so she didn't have to miserable anymore. However i know how she is, she is very independent and she doesn't like to be someones charity to which i can totally respect.

With the work information out of the way, i would always tell her that she would find something, and..from the moment we started dating i made a friendly bet with her that she would find a new job within the next 3 months. Over those 3 months things were smooth as normal, with the little arguments here or there, which is perfectly healthy. In September, she is called by an old colleague of hers who works in the entertainment industry (award shows, super bowl, etc) and offers her a job in the industry. My girlfriend used to work in this industry before but due to personal matters she had to abandon it. After given the offer some thought, she talked to me about it and i told her that i was all for it and that i was very happy for her. It was what she wanted, she wanted to move away from retail as quickly as possible.

I had always heard the stories of the entertainment industry and how sometimes it keeps people working an incredible amount of hours and how they need to travel a lot and at times stay in one location for certain amount of time. This sounds like Military life, and..being in the Military i can relate to it. She accepted this venture, and in October of 08 she started. Her first job took her away for a week, during that time she called me every night to tell me how things were going, how she misses me and it was always a great feeling to know she was ok and enjoying herself. When this job was completed, she went back home where we spent some time doing the things we enjoyed together. Shortly after she was called in for another job starting in December, the job would keep her home for 2 weeks, but then she would have to leave for the west coast (LA) for another 2 weeks. Prior to this job in LA, she was very very concerned about her future in the industry, she had no confidence in herself and thought she wouldn't have any work in January, myself as optimistic as ever tried to tell her everything would be ok and that she would have work in January.

During her time in LA, she received two job offers for January, one of the jobs would keep her home and give her work for a month, the other would be a major show that would take three months to complete, but it would keep her in LA. When she called me and informed me about this, she didn't know what to do, she wanted to take the job in LA because it would put her foot in the door and guarantee her future jobs, but she was reluctant because of the effect it may have had on our relationship. I told her that she should do what she thinks is best for her future and that whatever she decided i would totally support. Then for some strange reason she broke down into tears saying she doesn't want to go back to retail and she really wants to see me, and that she doesn't know if she can handle not seeing me for 3 more months. It went to the point where she pleaded with me not to break up with her. I told her that would never happen and that i would do everything in my power to go and see her, no matter the cost.

After that phone call, i got to work...knowing the trip would be very costly, i worked overtime, i worked so many hours even during the holidays just so i could afford to buy a ticket to LA. And just before the new year, i purchased my flight and right away i told her about it, she was thrilled and excited about the idea. At the start of the new year, she went back home to the east coast to pick up her car and take a road trip to LA to begin her new job. During the 4 days she drove we kept in close contact, letting me know she was ok and having fun on her trip. She arrived in LA on the 8th of January, and almost immediately she started her new job. Right then and there, is where i began to see a major change in her attitude..and later her appearance (ill get into that during my trip to LA). She seemed more distant and didn't seem to care much about what was going on around her, and it seemed like the things that made her...her, were being cut out of her life.

My Trip to LA, Jan 19th 09

I'll try to keep this as short as possible. The days prior to me leaving for LA, she didn't even seem as excited as she was before knowing i was coming to see her. I was so happy to take the trip, and i couldn't wait to hold her again. However, the very moment i got off the plane and the moment we embraced each other, the same old feeling was so faint it almost hurt. During my time in LA, we even got into a brutal argument..she barely talked and when she did it was because of something that pissed her off with her job. She went on every day about how this job is stressing her out so much, but likes it because it gives her security. In short, my time in LA wasn't that fun at all, it was an awkward experience, it felt like i was even unwelcome there. Her appearance was different, she had cut her long beautiful her, dyed it much darker. There was even a point where i bought her a gift and she got mad at me...

[Casmut]

Continued...

The Break Up

The reason for all this typing leads here. Since my trip to LA, things have steadily been going down hill. She would always tell me that show week was a very busy week and that any communication would be very little. However, even before show week we were already hardly talking, no phone calls..very few texts, etc. Show week happens, the texts are even fewer..sometimes i'd get none at all, which was fine since i knew she had a lot on her plate. Like any normal couple however, she always said good night to me and this was always comforting to me. The two days leading up before the show day, and the two days after the show day...i didn't hear at all from her, no good nights, no hellos...nothing. Now i understand she may be busy or tired, but all it takes is just a few button pushes to acknowledge me and let me know everything is ok.

The show day was on a Sunday, the Tuesday after i had sent her some messages telling her i miss her, i got no reply..then finally i sent a message saying "I hope your all good, i haven't heard from you in awhile, is everything ok?" She responds saying that she hasn't heard from me all day..i tried to tell her that i sent her messages but she ignored the message telling her that. Thirty minutes later, i get THE call. And the dreaded words come out of her mouth "we need to talk".

She said shes tried to tell me numerous times that sometimes she cannot talk and is to tired to do anything for herself. She then goes on a rant on how she just worked 120 hours, saying she hasn't eaten, shes barely slept, she is barely making money out there, living paycheck to paycheck, she hasn't lived her life and then accuses me of not being supportive. Which made me a bit angry because every day she worked, i always wished her a good day and a good rest. Almost as if she just didn't want to accept anything from me at all.
During all this, i didn't say a word and just listened. She then tells me she thinks it may be done, i ask her whats done she replies with "us". So i start to cringe a bit and ask what would make her say that. She tells me that she was offered more work in April or May, and that she may have to be in LA a lot longer. So me being in the Military and her job keeping her out there, she automatically thought the worst and said it would be impossible for us to have a future. She kept telling me to think about it, we have nothing.

It hurt to hear that because it seemed like she gave no thought about our future at all. I tried to find a solution and i tell her that this can work, we just need to continue to be faithful and trustworthy, and as long as we keep communicating everything will be fine but she refuses to accept this. Not even to give it a chance. I wanted a for sure answer on things, so i asked her..well..where do we go from here? She says she doesn't know. I ask her what she wants, she says she doesn't know. Then i even asked her this..."how do you really feel about me?" she tells me that she cares about me a lot. I love this girl, and she tells me that. So i got real upset and started saying some dumb stuff, like throwing her changes in her face and how shes to obsessed with her job. She tells me thats how she was before she left the industry the first time. As the conversation continues she starts to cry a bit, and says that maybe we just need a break. At this point i am already angered and i reply with a "whatever". I tell her to get some sleep because she was finally given a day to recover. She starts to cry more and flat out says "im crying good night!". So before she could hang up, i stopped her and tried to comfort her, she refuses and threatens to hang up, i keep trying and she just continues to threaten until finally i just said ok fine whatever, good night.

And now...

Her and i have not spoken in over a week. Not a text, not a call, not even a hang up call...nothing. We're both being extremely stubborn. I haven't contacted her because i feel that i did nothing wrong. I also want to give her some space and time to reflect on what happened. I just feel that time is running out though, and if i call it may just make things worse. I believe a lot of what was said was sparked by high emotion and frustration from her job. And things may just be salvageable but time seems to be running out. I don't know what to do anymore, its been eating at me every minute of every day, i can hardly even work now, i am a complete wreck and the longer i go on without even hearing her voice the more hurt i get. Really could use some advice, some insight or a simple way to relate to this.

Any sort of tip or what not would be greatly appreciated. I'm very very sorry for this long read, my fingers just kept moving hehe. Thanks again for reading.

[Cbrider]

Its strange how writing down all your thoughts and your stories can make you feel better.

Long distance relationships never seem to end well, the separation just eventually dooms them to failure in most cases.

Sounds to me like shes really stressed out, that her new job is stacking up to be a let down for her. She left the security of her old life for the gamble of a new life and its not providing like she wants. I don't want to speculate about her beyond that, people are far to complex and different to predict for the most part.

As for you, I say throw in the towel like she wants or eluded to. Its not fair to put you on the fence with something like this. You can be the biggest, strongest, fastest person on earth and be crippled by your emotions....they are far more powerful than any physical force.

As far as I can tell you did nothing wrong, you were caring and obviously put in effort to go see her and make sure she was doing alright. I suggest you consider it over and begin moving on. She's clear across the country by her own choosing and doesn't want to put in the effort to maintain a relationship. You can't force her to or talk her into it, its a personal decision. If you decide to end it, cut contact with her and don't hold out hope that you can reconcile. You will need time to heal and you CAN'T do it while staying in contact. If its meant to be, she will come find you, not the other way around.

They're plenty of fish in the sea, fish that want to do anything to be with you.