Girlfriend not ready to have sex and now I know why....what to do?

[lesa]

Oh I totally agree, lesa ... this is not a question of a guy being so horny he couldn't help himself. Almost all of us can control that urge to comport with decency and a woman's right to control her body. But deliberately add to that a denial of sex right after a taunting, explicit encouragement can make weaker, less controlled men snap.

It's not so much about control, lesa ... and becomes more about rage for being played that makes him think she is less than human and therefore deserving of being raped.

Carl.

He is pissed off that she is controlling the situation by saying she won't go through with it. He snaps in rage and shows her that she doesn't deserve that kind of control (the teasing and all).

If he was a "normal" weak guy that got carried away she can simply control his horniness with her woman powers.

[lesa]

I'm not a man... I do not know how strong such urges are compared to that of a woman's... just based on my own experiences of being in the mid-coitus and having the guy stop for whatever reason is enough make me a little more than agitated... Now imagining the guy giving me some excuse like "I'm not ready," or "I don't think this is really what I want," would certainly seem like a ridiculous excuse when your mind is screaming 'but dammit, we were so close to being finished!'

Pardon my language and please forgive me for saying this but bull****

[lesa]

Another thing... it's not easy to discern these 'weak' men from others when you're talking about whether he can stop mid-coitus or will be overpowered by his instincts. I think it's best to just not force the guy into such a situation... If you have a sex with a man, then be 100% certain that is what you really want to do. One you'll never have to find out if he is 'weak' and two, you don't have to force the man into such a difficult situation... possibly having the guy lose a bit of respect for you (especially if this tends to be repeated).

I'm talking about this guy...the OP or any boyfriend. Not a stranger you met at the bar. In that case, she is a slut.

[Aeradalia]

Pardon my language and please forgive me for saying this but bull****

Eh.. you're entitled to you own opinions.. but I really don't think like the typical female... actually, I really don't understand them much at all... Though I really do try my best to imitate...

Btw... what are 'woman powers'? And can you use them on a man you've never had sex with before when such a situation occurs?... Also, at what point would a responsible woman want to stop in mid-coitus? It's not that difficult... either you want sex or you don't... and you can make that decision before engaging in sex.

[carl1222]

He is pissed off that she is controlling the situation by saying she won't go through with it. He snaps in rage and shows her that she doesn't deserve that kind of control (the teasing and all).

If he was a "normal" weak guy that got carried away she can simply control his horniness with her woman powers.

You're almost there, lesa ... but it's NOT about control ... he (date rapist) doesn't snap because he's being controlled ... he snaps (at a c**k teaser) because she is a totally despicable girl who is deliberately playing with his perfectly normal sexual response to her explicit invitation for sex ... (Girl: hahaha [mocking] I was just kidding! No sex for you!).

And as to combatting and controlling the guy with her "woman powers" ... what woman powers are going to save her when he forces his penis into her vagina while she is screaming "NO!"?

Carl.

[lesa]

Btw... what are 'woman powers'? And can you use them on a man you've never had sex with before when such a situation occurs?...

When he gains control of the situation and is aggressive don't fight him. He is probably stronger. Go ahead and assume the sex position like oral and then pull the **** out of his balls and penis. You have at least 30 minutes to escape before he comes to try and kill you.

Also, at what point would a responsible woman want to stop in mid-coitus?

She may stop if it hurts too badly or is very uncomfortable, he doing a horrific job entertaining her, or she gives up and loses interest, etc.

Are you saying you would lie there like a zombie until he finishes having his way with you? Why should a man get to stop mid-coitus for his erectile issues? Shouldn't she demand he regain his erection? Must he withdrawal? Must he stop before she orgasms? Should she become aggressive if he does not continue? Should she become aggressive if he doesn't entertain her exactly as she desires?

It's not that difficult... either you want sex or you don't... and you can make that decision before engaging in sex.

I thought she was "making out" and teasing him.

[Aeradalia]

When he gains control of the situation and is aggressive don't fight him. He is probably stronger. Go ahead and assume the sex position like oral and then pull the **** out of his balls and penis. You have at least 30 minutes to escape before he comes to try and kill you.

I hope you don't actually try this.. because it doesn't work... true, he may not be interested in sex anymore, but the rage is enough to overpower the pain he feels... and though he may not rape you for a while.. that won't stop him from beating you until his own pain subsides...

[carl1222]

We always make out she lets me touch her and stuff like that but doesn't let me go further ... each time we start playing around I feel like I get a case of blue balls ... but she loves to play so I just don't know what to do.

[quote lesa]I thought she was "making out" and teasing him.
[/quote]

This is from the original post, lesa ... from this I'm assuming third base.

[lesa]

You're almost there, lesa ... but it's NOT about control ... he (date rapist) doesn't snap because he's being controlled ... he snaps (at a c**k teaser) because she is a totally despicable girl who is deliberately playing with his perfectly normal sexual response to her explicit invitation for sex ... (Girl: hahaha [mocking] I was just kidding! No sex for you!).

And as to combatting and controlling the guy with her "woman powers" ... what woman powers are going to save her when he forces his penis into her vagina while she is screaming "NO!"?

Carl.

That may or may not be true. I guess we may both be correct or incorrect because the girls that presented about their date rape experience (3 girls) when I was freshman did not say any of those things. He was the guy that put tablets in her drink, the guy that attacked his very drunk date, or the guy that was coming on to her and not the other way around. In other words he saw an opportunity to do it. He may also do it if she was a tease but stopped, and he gets pissed but there's a way to handle that guy.

[lesa]

I hope you don't actually try this.. because it doesn't work... true, he may not be interested in sex anymore, but the rage is enough to overpower the pain he feels... and though he may not rape you for a while.. that won't stop him from beating you until his own pain subsides...

What?

[Aeradalia]

What?

Take this any way you want... I'm just speaking from actual experience...

[lesa]

This is from the original post, lesa ... from this I'm assuming third base.

That's what I thought. I'm not saying what she is doing is wise. I'm saying probably won't date rape her for it. And if he tries she can snap his balls and penis.

Aeradalia, this is no girly snap. And no he will be down for the count. For a few... You don't have to try that. It's up to you.

[lesa]

Take this any way you want... I'm just speaking from actual experience...

Sorry to hear that Aeradalia.

[Cbrider]

I think Carl is right here.....this girl just does not add up in a way that makes her look like a caring and remorseful individual.

If it were me in this guys shoes I would be far more understanding and accepting if she said "look heres what happened _______, I can't change the past, I feel bad about it but I am moving forward from my less glamorous moments. Are you with me and okay with it?"

[carl1222]

That's what I thought. I'm not saying what she is doing is wise. I'm saying probably won't date rape her for it. And if he tries she can snap his balls and penis.

Aeradalia, this is no girly snap. And no he will be down for the count. For a few... You don't have to try that. It's up to you.

Well yes, lesa ... 99% of the time, a guy will not rape a girl even if he is enraged. And when they do, you can defend yourself ... maybe. But why go out of your way to invite such an attack? It's precisely her lack of wisdom I am talking about. Look, most guys identify c**k teasers, spread the word among their friends, and they are ostracized by all but the stupid. I have passed on pursuing girls with that reputation.