His emotional needs

[hopeless222]

I need help. I'm a 29 year old divorcee who recently started dating the love of my life. We've been friends for six years and only started dating about six months ago. We have the same goals, aspirations, parenting style and sex desires. But, the problem is that he says I don't meet his emotional needs. He says I don't express my love enough and he doesn't believe the magnitude of my feelings for him. I do EVERYTHING for him, but will admit I'm not very verbal about my feelings. I'm one of those "actions speak louder" kind of girls. But, I've tried lately to be more verbal with my feelings and show him that I do love him. He says that "I love you" isn't enough. He says that I will never make him happy, but that nobody will ever make him happy. He said if there was someone who could come close to making him happy, that it would be me. I'm stubborn in that I'm trying to hang on and hopefully prove to him that I can make him happy. A part of me thinks he might be suffering from depression, but the one time I brought it up, he acussed me of thinking he was "f**ked in the head" -- I don't think that at all. I just think it's not normal for someone to think that they will never be happy. What should I do? Please help...

[Junket]

First off, for the best responses, don't duplicate your thread in several forums, the regulars see all new posts by use of the "New Posts" link at the top of the screen, so we can see when you post 2, 3, 4 of the same thread in multiple forums.

Have some patience, and look out for Indireloaded's, Gigabitch's, or Vashti's posts, they're older women who've been around.

[hopeless222]

Sorry - I'm new. I won't do it again.

Thanks!

[carl1222]

Is there something in his romantic past that might explain why he seems unable to feel happy in a relationship?

Carl.

[hopeless222]

He's divorced just like I am. We've both been divorced for a little over two years. I know he was miserable in his marriage, but I don't anything beyond that. Why do you ask? Is there something I should be looking for?

[carl1222]

A disappointing marriage may be enough to trigger his pessimism. My first impression is that maybe he has trust issues regarding relationships in general. Something like ... "I was happy in my first marriage but my ex-wife smashed it, so I don't trust relationships to make me a happy man." Just a guess. Has he ever explained what emotional needs are unfulfilled?

Carl.

[carl1222]

First off, for the best responses, don't duplicate your thread in several forums, the regulars see all new posts by use of the "New Posts" link at the top of the screen, so we can see when you post 2, 3, 4 of the same thread in multiple forums.

Have some patience, and look out for Indireloaded's, Gigabitch's, or Vashti's posts, they're older women who've been around.

I'll bet Indi, Giga and Vashti are going to love you for that one, Frasbee!

[kate_spencer]

He's divorced just like I am. We've both been divorced for a little over two years. I know he was miserable in his marriage, but I don't anything beyond that. Why do you ask? Is there something I should be looking for?

Maybe Carl asked that, because he's so emotional to say that "nobody will ever make him happy"..
How many times does he failed on his relationships? That could be the reasons of his insecurities and negativity in life.
You could help him over come and move on.. he's just afraid to experience again to fail..
just be there for him and make him feel and assure to him your faithful love.

[Junket]

I'll bet Indi, Giga and Vashti are going to love you for that one, Frasbee!

I say that with the utmost respect.

[Gigabitch]

He sounds like a pain in the ass, but I think there are ways you could minimize this. While no, it isn't your responsibility to make him happy, you could do yourself a big favor by doing the simple thing he's asked for and be more demonstrative with your affection. It's really not too much to ask.
Initiate affection. Walk up to him and put your arms around him. Tell him you appreciate him. Etc, etc, etc.

Two years is only the beginning of the Building a New Life stage after a divorce. he's a little sketchy. Give him some time to settle in, time to believe in you. And could you make an attempt to help him out along the way? He's the love of your life, after all.

[vashti]

Sounds fishy to me, and more than a little annoying, to be honest. Are you sure he really wants a committed relationship? Because at the risk of sounding sexist, unless you are an extremely cold fish, his responses sound like excuses. You made a genuine effort to give him what he asked for, didn't you? If so, he should be encouraging you. Or maybe he is just attention-seeking... some people need constant recognition in order to feel valued.

Are you the type that tends to attract needy people?

[IndiReloaded]

I'm going to wait and see how the OP responds to Giga & Vash before posting my opinion.

Fras: How could I be offended by the truth? You're a darling.

[nonconformist]

He said, no one will ever make him happy? He sounds like a pessimistic little bitch. Sounds like someone who is going to commit suicide. No offense.