Does she love me? Or even like me?!

[Confused!]

Ok heres a toughie!!

Met this girl about 5 months ago. We met up got on well, arranged to meet again, seemed to gett he signs she liked me like staring at me, faceing me, laughing, talking, playign with her hair, etc. Second time we spend the day togther, we ended up sleeping together. Constant texting to start with, then calling every day. Met up again for the day, then she started staying over for weekends, almost every weekend.

She confides in me about everything, calls me like 3 times a day, texts me a lot, etc. When she spends time with me, she seems happy and like shes into me, happy to snuggle up, hold hands, hug, etc in public even when we go out. Sex wise, its good, its probably 50/50 as to who instigates it.

All sounds good? Ok, now heres where it gets complicated!

When I met her she told me form the outset she had a boyfirend, but she wasn`t happy. I never met her for it to be anything, it sort of grew from what it was. She has been with the bf for 4 years, and for 3 years she said she was unhappy, and didn`t love him. He was the first guy she slept with, and the first guy who showed an intrest in her. She moved out form her parents to move in with him as had a bad childhood.

Now, in the last year shes met another guy who she almost left the bf for, she never slept with him or anything like that, but she gave the bf a second chance. She also had an affair with a married guy met 2 times just for sex, didn`t like it. Then met me.

Her bf never gives her any affection, sleeps with her like once every 6 weeks, doesn`t take her anywhere really, lets her skivy about doing the housework. he shows affection to her sister when they go to her parents, even sitting with the sister, going places with the sister, but ignoring her when they are there.

Just to add, about a month after we met, she found a text on his phone to the sister saying she looked hot, she has thought for a while that something wasn`t right but he said it was in her head. Anyway she ended it and moved into the spare room as she could not afford to move out and her work is just round the corner. Started spending more time with me.

Things seemed fine, then about a month ago she said she didn`t want to see me any more, just wanted to be on her own, but wanted to keep me as a firend. Anyway we talked and got back together, we seemed better then we were, she started talking about wanting to move over to mine and getting a new job, etc. Still calling and texting all the time.

Then out of the blue she didn`t txt one night, or the following morning, then texting saying she needed to talk about stuff. I jokeingly said am i getting dumped and she replied depends. So I went over that dinnertime to see her to find out what was going on.

She said she loved her ex and wanted to work things out and didn`t want to see me anymore, only as a firend. The day earlier she was the usual self, talking about "we" this and "we" that as in moving over, plans for stuff, etc.

Anyway I hung arround whilst she went back to work till she finished, then we talked some more, she then said what she had wanted to say was she still wants to get back with the ex, that she loved him, but she had a life with me now as well and still wanted to see me as we were for the minute as well. Then she started the usuall snuggling up stuff in the car and she even tried to instigate having sex!

That weekend she came and stayed over, the ex started texting giving her a hard time i told her to ignore it, she said "maybe this is what i need to get him out of my head!".

This week, I said to her I was thinking ov moving away to see what she would say, she went very quiet and said what about her. Following day she still calls me as normal, but ona night now when he comes home, she does not text other then goodnight. But then calls me morning, dinner, and after work!

I didn`t text last night, she text goodnight out of the blue, today nothing. But she is still on about coming and staying in a week or so for some stuff we had planned before last week.

So girls, heres what I want to know!! Does she love me, does she even like me? Did she like me even? I really don`t know what to think. because even last weekend she had no problem cuddling up all the time, holding hands when out, etc. Still even slept in my bed cuddling up, etc. (didn`t have sex though, first time we didn`t).

Surley if she genuinley loves the ex, she would never have stayed with me the weekend, doing the stuff she normally does with me, or even try to have me in the car the night she said she only wanted to be friends before saying she still wanted to see me!

I really don`t know what to think to be honest! I really like her, we get on and when she is with me it feels like I`m more then a friend! I think she is scared of getting hurt and that he has got in her head, because he is really the only guy she has known, other then the other 2 guys who just wanted to use her for sex and hurt her, like the ex has done again and again. I fear it could be mental abuse because she is young (20) - the ex is 36, and met her when she was 16, telling her he was 26 until after they had been togther a few months... Even her family think he is only 30 now! And hes a bit off a minger alos, chubby ginger get she is well attractive and slim with lots of guys after her all the time. Oh, I`m 36 also but look about 28.

My friends think I have a good chance, they think he gets in her head, that she sees him as a safe bet, like a farther figure rather then a boyfirend, and she sees me as the bf - the only thing is when shes with me she seems fine, but after a couple of days back there, she goes sad. She is now saying she is happy with him though this week. Really don`t know what to think!!!

Anyway opinions ;-) I do like her, I don`t have a problem being there is theres the chance this will blow over like it seems to have done before, and get a proper chance. thanks and sorry its so long winded, its just hard to explain the situation!

[Confused!]

no one? Lol!!

[keej]

Well I'm no love expert but from what it seems, you're looking for a relationship. With her past, it's never good to have a relationship with someone who has a lot of baggage. I apologize if that seems harsh but that's what it seems like. If she truly only loved her ex for 1 year, why waste another 3 years with him? It seems like she turns to you when she is having troubles with him. You're her shoulder and it's unfair to you to have your heart strings be pulled around like that. Also, she's had an affair twice in her relationship. If you and her end up together and have a quarrel over something silly, what makes you think she won't do it to you? If she finds another guy attractive, what makes you think she won't contemplate breaking up with you as she did with her ex? Think about her actions and what she's doing to you now before you dive in any further.

[Confused!]

Well I'm no love expert but from what it seems, you're looking for a relationship. With her past, it's never good to have a relationship with someone who has a lot of baggage. I apologize if that seems harsh but that's what it seems like. If she truly only loved her ex for 1 year, why waste another 3 years with him? It seems like she turns to you when she is having troubles with him. You're her shoulder and it's unfair to you to have your heart strings be pulled around like that. Also, she's had an affair twice in her relationship. If you and her end up together and have a quarrel over something silly, what makes you think she won't do it to you? If she finds another guy attractive, what makes you think she won't contemplate breaking up with you as she did with her ex? Think about her actions and what she's doing to you now before you dive in any further.

Thanks for the reply. basically since then we are just "friends" now, but shes still calling me every day, and wanting to meet up still etc.

As for staying with the boyfriend, without getting complicated, she simply has no-where else to go so is stuck there, cannot afford her own place, family don`t want to know, etc....

Shes saying she is making all the effort at the moment to get back with the ex, they in the same bed but he won`t touch her blah blah and on a weekend now he won`t take her anywhere and so on but she claims she loves him, I really get the impression its a love him not in love thing, as in a father figure comfort sort of thing because of how she talks about him then wants to do different things with me still even though i said no!

Don`t know what to think really but I am distanceing myself, but that just seems to make her call and text more!

[Lonely Island]

I had the same problem

Me and my ex were in a good relationship, then she "poof"....went back to her abusive ex

Im actually glad she isnt with me anymore, cuz the last thing I need in my life is drama

[alovehangoverr]

I don't think she loves you. I'd question how much she likes you vs. how much she's USING you. You claim "well she spends weekends with me sometimes so she can't love her ex," yeah, well-- who is she spending the entire week with?

Seriously. If she was unhappy for 3 out of the 4 years in her relationship with this guy, she could have left him. She didn't. Instead she went through how many guys, even one that was MARRIED to pursue on the side. What does that tell you about her. What do you think she'd do if she got in a relationship with YOU and started to feel a bit unhappy?

The point is, unhappy or not.. she's still a cheater-- not just a one time cheater, but a SERIAL CHEATER. Cheaters are great liars and completely untrustworthy. Is this the type of person you want a relationship with?

Also, she's only 20 and this messed up? C'mon. I can't believe any of your friends would even tell you to pursue this. You're taking on a lot of baggage that will probably have a high failure rate. If her relationship with her current boyfriend is as toxic as you claim, then that drama is coming right into your relationship. It's time to snap out of thinking you're going to "rescue her," from it, and realize if she truly wants out and to have a better life for herself, SHE has to be the one to make that happen.

Do yourself a favor-- find someone more grown up and stable.

[QuiteCurious]

I agree with alove. Starting a relationship with someone who has been dishonest, and lacks the integrity to deal with her relationship issues morally, would be a mistake.

Think about what she would do should your relationship encounter problems. Her solution has been to find other bed companions instead of either working on her existing relationship, or leaving.

She's not only selfish but lacks integrity, self-respect and honesty. The foundations of any good relationship are communication and trust, she has already shown you she is not capable or deserving of these. Be thankful you know all that before getting in deeper and save yourself.